LIFE AFTER ELLISON
I wonder if Phil Redmond is worried about Jennifer Ellison’s departure from the show. OK, I know he says she’s taking a break ‘to pursue other interests’, but we all know what this REALLY means, don’t we? I mean, can you imagine Eastenders announcing that Tamsin Outhwaite’s just taking a year’s sabbatical in order to pursue other acting opportunities? Outhwaite wins an Oscar and returns triumphantly to Eastenders ... Yeah, sure.
Ellison is going, departing, leaving, vamoosing, whatever. She’s headed due South, to The Smoke and a bona fide acting school. The Scouse shriek will be toned down - it has to be, unless she wants to spend the rest of her life playing caricatured character roles. Soon after her arrival, the hair extensions will be disgarded and the hair reverted to its natural colour. In an effort to be taken seriously as an actress, she’ll do everything imaginable to hide the odious breast implants. Maybe she’ll succeed. Maybe she won’t.
My money’s on the former possibility, because I think Ellison is an actress of natural talent, who just happened to get used abysmally by the perverted and cynical ex-Series Producer of Brookside. She’s been given a great opportunity to regain her credability as an actress and she’s grabbed it with both hands. I wish her luck, and I hope she DOESN’T return to Brookside, especially after Phil Redmond’s pathetic insult to her ability by inferring that she’ll return to the fold in one year’s time.
Will she, BOLLOCKS!
Having said that, she’s not without successors. Top of the list is the actress who plays Kirsty Gordon. Already she’s leading with her chest, thrusting her massive tits camera-forward as if to say, ‘Take them ... They’re yours ... And have you heard when my photoshoot for Loaded’s been scheduled?’
She’s got the gob to match and, as a novelty, she’s a brunette.
Also in with a shout is the slow-witted Laura - her outfit at the recent Soap Awards showed her credentials. They can’t give her too much dialogue, however - Brookside’s only on for 30 minutes!
And then there’s Katy Lamont, who plays Adele. It’s obvious that Lamont is gagging to be Brookside’s resident piece of tits, arse and gob, but instead of the gob, she’s got too much blob and should surely lay off the lager.
Of course, Brookside might just seek to follow the route all the other soaps have done and safely appeal to the 18-60 year-old age band, in which case Rachel Lindsey, the most natural beauty on the show, would leap to the forefront - but she’s pushing thirty, and in Brookside’s parlance, that’s old.
Someone on the Official Forum suggested recently that Tim’s first girlfriend, Sharon, should return - but it would have to be a Sharon with a new head - and a stunningly beautiful one, at that.
Brookside ... A soap known for its gritty realism ... NOT.
Poor, little feral Gaby Parr sits broodingly staring at the last message received from Rob Dexter on her mobile phone.
Mike Dixon, now ensconced in Number 7, is seen rummaging through a bin bag. (Is this a portent of things to come?)
A late-model car pulls onto Brookside Close and parks across the driveway to the bungalow, blocking in the Hiltons’ car. As Ray watches angrily, Bitch Gordon languidly removes herself from the car and slinks into Number 5.
As Gaby sits staring at message after message, Dr Parr, noble man that he is, notices her upset. Gently, he places a hand on her shoulder and suggests that perhaps she should delete the offending messages.
Gaby shakes her head tearfully. The police have told her not to do that, until after the Coroner’s Inquest.
Look, reasons Dr Parr, Dexter was clearly a depressed guy. Now if Gaby has to keep these messages for police purposes, fine. But she doesn’t have to upset herself by looking at them.
If she’d only answered the messages, she wails, if she’d only agreed to meet him, he might still be alive.
Now it’s Dr Parr who shakes his head. And what would meeting him have accomplished? It would have added fuel to the fire already obsessing him. He suggests that Gaby take the day off.
Gaby the Grin, however, valiantly refuses to do so. She has a presentation to do at work.
Back at Number 7, Mike is still rummaging around through various bin bags. As Rachel enters the room, Mike shouts to her, asking if she’s seen his black top. The couple are in the lounge, which has yet to be sorted out. Mike’s scrounging around for the desired top, as he has an interview this morning at a computer games’ company.
Oooh, wonders Rachel, as she enters the lounge to M-eye-ke’s shouting. Oooh, wh-eye doan M-eye-ke wear suit?
No suit, snaps Mike, looking at her scathingly. Why, he’d look a real meff showing up at a computer games’ company in full suited regalia. The .com industry was laid back to the extreme. No city suits for them. But the black top would do just fine - if he could only find it. Besides all that, Mike continues, as ever whingeing, he’s got a toothache. (How he’s managed that, is beyond me. I thought that the defective teeth were removed and replaced with a bridge, which was broken by Gary Parr. As such, Mike would surely be ‘gumming it.’)
As the two hunt for the black top, Raymundo wanders aimlessly into the room, scratching the back of his head in a bemused fashion. And did either Rachel or Mike hear all that commotion last night? He asks indignantly. Yobboes banging on the door at all hours! Ray parts the curtains and glances out the window in the general direction of Number 5.
It’s all ter do with that new family across the way, he continues, pointing at Number 5. One of their lot got bevvied up last night, no doubt, and mistook this house for theirs. And have Rachel and Mike seen - THREE cars parked over there! There was precious enough room for one car on this close!
Mike’s found the black top and fusses about having to leave early in order to catch two busses to the company’s offices.
Oooh, wonders Rachel, wh-eye doan M-eye-ke ax Jac-keh ter borry caaaah?
Mike is reluctant to do that, especially since the last blessing out Jacqui gave him on the subject of his persecution of Gary Parr.
Ray’s still fretting about the Gordons. And not only all the other stuff with the cars and the bevvies, he moans, but that lot seems a right bunch of scallies. They were only scrapping in the street yesterday afternoon and all! He announces, indignantly.
Oooh, wonders Rachel. Scal-lehs?
Scallies! Repeats Ray. And he was of a mind ter have a word with the parents of that lot too! It’s not right! He proclaims, indignantly. That sort of behaviour might have been all right in their former neighbourhood, but not here! Certainly not here!
(Oh, no? I recall Ray getting involved pretty easily in a scrap a few months back IN THE CLOSE with the Cloughs - even head-butting one of the participants?)
The offending and offensive Gordons are having breakfast in Bicker-Bicker house. Ma Gordon has already developed an unhealthy attachment to the kitchen counter, much in the same way Dire Murray has - ah, but Dire’s leaving soon, so there’ll be a free counter going. Rabbity Ruth and her bunny sit at the table, but they’re not eating lettuce. Luke the bunny wants a second bowl of cereal.
Ma Gordon turns from the kitchen counter and tells Rabbity Ruth that she really should think about calling the police because of yesterday’s altercation with the hapless Sean.
Rabbity Ruth snorks back some snot, works her Bugs Bunny-like choppers up and down and maintains that the hapless Sean didn’t really DO anything.
Bitch Gordon follows her tits into the kitchen and flops onto a chair near the table.
Ma Gordon continues making whiney, little observations about the previous days’ events. Why, if it hadn’t been for SuperDan, she says pointedly to Rabbity Ruth, there’s no telling what the hapless Sean would have done! How convenient that SuperDan happened to be on the scene, she says, looking at Rabbity Ruth, who surreptitiously wipes a stray piece of green snot away from her nose and lowers her head.
And how odd, continues Ma Gordon, that SuperDan even knew that they’d moved to this address. (Well, at least Rabbity Ruth knows the new address - that’s something!)
In trudges Ali the Ginger Gordon and Pa Gordon, Pa nagging and nipping at Ali the Ginger’s heels about his performance the previous night. He’s also maintaining that if last night’s enactment was any proof that Ali the Ginger was ready to be let out on the unsuspecting world, then all the more reason he would be returning to school the next term.
Ali the Ginger also slumps at the breakfast table and mutters almost incoherently that he was finished with school - after all, what good was studying French and English. (FRENCH AND ENGLISH! Excuse me ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA! He can speak neither! In order for an English speaker to study a foreign language, he has to be able to speak his own lingo coherently first. But maybe I’m mistaken. Maybe, for a Scouser, ENGLISH IS a foreign language).
Pa Gordon harps on at Ali the Ginger about the necessity of obtaining qualifications these days. They were necessary.
Ali the Ginger raises his foul-faced, gingery, little white trash face and points out that Pa Gordon’s done all right for himself without qualifications. (Ah, yes, Ali, but he had to come to LIVERPOOL to do so. London wouldn’t give such an ignorant piece of blubber a chance).
It was hard for him, Pa Gordon states. And it’s harder for anyone without qualifications. He doesn’t understand his son. Ali the Ginger’s not stupid. He could easily apply himself and even go to university. Why, even the firm where he works won’t even consider kids these days who don’t have A-levels. And as for him coming home the previous evening, disrupting the Close and drunk -
Ali the Ginger protests that he wasn’t drinking. There follows the ubiquitous argument scene, followed by Bitch’s mobile ringing.
Bicker bicker bicker ... Bicker bicker bicker ... SHOUT SHOUT ... SHOUT SHOUT
Ali the Ginger storms off, telling complaining about the fact that he now had to share a room.
Ma Gordon tries to soothe everyone, suggesting that she put the kettle on.
But Pa Gordon is in full swing. He turns to Rabbity Ruth, telling her that her best bet is to sort something out with the hapless Sean, and the sooner the better. He wanted no repeat performances of the scrap in the street that occurred the day before. Now, he was off to work.
Boot, Ma Gordon wails in protest, Pa Gordon had taken two days off!
Pa Gordon explains that things at work had deteriorated to such a point that his presence was needed. (Actually, what he REALLY wanted to say was: ‘Me, Ah’m pissed as shit wiv bein’ round you Scousers all day. Ah’m goin’ ter work fer a fag and some peace’.)
As he leaves the kitchen, Luke the bunny overturns his orange juice. Rabbity Ruth looks up at her disapproving mother, snorks back some green sludge dripping from her nose and promises to sort it out.
Over on The Parade, as Gaby the Grin is leaving for work, whom should she run into but Max, on his way to The Shelf. Max reminds her, cheerily, that she and Dr Parr were due over at the Farnhams’ that evening for dinner, at Jacqui’s invitation. They would be their first guests in their new home.
Gaby the Grin tries to beg off the invitation, saying that she’s feeling a bit down at the moment, but Max encourages her to come. It might cheer her up. If she and Gary cancel, Max jokes, Jacqui would be in a right strop and blame Max.
Gaby the Grin still refuses, citing her difficulties with Rob Dexter. Max doesn’t understand, wondering why she’s still letting Dexter get to her. Gaby confesses to Max about Dexter’s suicide.
Over at Hotel Corkhill, Nikki comes upon the Sage, symbolically playing with his toy train set. Nikki quips that Jimmy seems to have obtained another hobby. (Hobby? Obsession, is more the word). Jimmy replies that the train set is a gift for Wills. As an aside, he tells Nikki that he had a little talk with Helen the previous day about his condition and everything it entails.
Oh, really? Asks Dr Nikki, uneasily. What did Jimmy tell her?
‘All about me Jekyll and Hyde perr-sonality,’ says Jimmy, concentrating on watching the train circle the track. ‘That’s why Helen’s chained in the extension right now,’ he jokes.
Dr Nikki takes this remark with a pinch of salt. How did Happy Smiling Helen take Jimmy’s confession?
She was pretty game about it, Jimmy says, as long as he doesn’t start acting like Benny Hill and chasing her around the house. No, Jimmy reiterates, looking steadily at Dr Nikki, his would-be therapist, he believes in total honesty and people doing their best in a relationship.
Back to Sociology 101, today being held in Number 5 Brookside Close, better known as Bicker-Bicker House. Ali the Ginger sits with Bitch and her tits at the table in the lounge-diner of the house. Luke the bunny is seated at the table with them. Somewhere a mobile phone rings amidst the constant underlying bickering that’s going on, and Ali the Ginger mutters some sort of incomprehensible swear word. (If anyone heard what he said, I’d like to know, but I presume Mersey TV kept the offensive word low in respect fo the pre-watershed hour).
Bitch swells her tits in indignation at the word and whines to her mother. Ma Gordon ticks Ali the Ginger off for swearing. Ali the Ginger snipes back at Bitch about the filthy text messages he’s read on her cellphone. Ma Gordon whines at Ali the Ginger NOT to swear in front of Luke the bunny.
Why? Demands Ali the Ginger. The kid will only hear the same at school. (Oh, so that’s why children go to school now, is it?)
Besides, he continues, it’s only a word.
It’s offensive, Ma Gordon declares. Not only that, it’s agressive and abusive. Besides, swearing is the language of the ignorant and uneducated. (Hear, hear!) It shows a distinct lack of education, she continues. It’s the language of the street.
(Ah, but the social debate is about to begin.
What’s all this about class equality? Whines Bitch, the renowned sociologist. (Mercy me! A sociologist and a psychiatrist on the same Close and neither of them in their mid-Twenties yet!) She follows her tits to the sofa and sits down, propping her feet defiantly on the coffee table. In reality, all her mother was trying to do was to imitate snobs.
Ma Gordon knocks the spoiled, little slut’s feet from the coffee table. Besides, Bitch continues, everyone swears nowadays. Even people who know how to speak in polite company. What about that titled civil servant who worked for Stephen Byers who wrote that leaked memo? All the kids had heard Pa Gordon swear. And Ma and Pa Gordon were working class.
The eminent sociologist continues. Language changes and evolves. (True, it does. And what is acceptable to one generation, isn’t to another. Witness the meaning of the adjective ‘gay’.). Why, what was Pa Gordon’s favourite television programme? Father Ted! And they got around swearing by changing a few letters in certain words. Ma Gordon was just so ignorant, if it were down to her, Bitch continues, she’d ban Chaucer and Shakespeare from the shelves. (Well, it’s obvious that Bitch has never read either ... In the vernacular, Chaucer’s 13th Century English might have crude elements, but they are unrecognisable in today’s society; as for Shakespeare, a lot of his swear words have their origins in Catholic oaths. DO stop trying to foist intellecualism on shallow bints, Brookside!)
Ma Gordon rejoinders that she knows what she doesn’t like and she doesn’t like to hear unnecessary swearing. People’s use of language reflect the way they’re taken and the way they’re perceived by others.
Ali the Ginger and Bitch start whingeing about freedom of speech in a manner only the lowest common demoninator on the Official Forum (average mental age: fourteen) would do. It’s a stupid, crudely-constructed and inept attempt by Brookside to justify its use of bad language, and it stinks. It’s an insult to the viewing public.
Gaby the Grin, having finished telling Max her tale of woe about Rob Dexter’s suicide, still stands facing him in the middle of The Parade. She knows she’s sad, she said, but she can’t help feeling sorry for Dexter’s death.
Max kindly assures her that it’s NOT her fault. The man was obsessed by her.
But WHY was he obsessed by her? She cries. Because she was kind to him and he took it the wrong way? MISREAD her signals, she scoffs. THAT’S what her husband thinks. Gary thinks a lot of these repercussions are brought on by her actions towards others. He thinks she MUST have led Dexter on. (I agree with Gary. There’s no smoke without fire).
Nonsense, scoffs Max. Gaby is an attractive woman (hmmm ... In a mouse-like way, yes). And attractive women always receive an amount of unwanted attention.
It was only a flirtation, Gaby the Grin pouts. But there WAS this lecturer when she was at uni in Leeds who was so infatuated with her that he followed her home one weekend.
Home to her flat? Asks Max.
No, she cries, home to Guildford in Surrey. HE was obsessed too. Gary thinks she puts it about too much, she wails. And maybe she does. She just feels so guilty now that a man is dead because of her actions.
In the background, Mike Dixon, finished with his interview, descends from a Mersey Mover bus, and glances suspiciously in the direction of Max talking with Gaby the Grin, just in time to see Max put a comforting hand on Gaby the Grin’s shoulder.
Max is assuring her that he understands what guilt can do to people. He felt that way about Susannah’s death.
Gaby the Grin is puzzled. She thought Susannah had had a few too many to drink and had fallen down the stairs.
Max hangs his head. Well, he says reluctantly, the truth is that she lived for hours after she’d fallen. He’s always felt, he lies, that if he’d come back, perhaps he could have saved her. (Or wait a minute ... Is Brookside moving the goalposts in Susannah’s death again?)
Gaby the Grin must endeavour to get on with her life, Max encourages. Get out. Associate with people. It would get better. Again, he reissues the invitation to dinner.
Rachel stands holding Beth, along with Ray, the lounge of Number 7. Ray sees Mike returning home through the front window. Oooh, breathes Rachel to Beth, ‘ere cooms Dad-deh.
Mike enters with a face like thunder. Rachel asks him ‘ow ‘e got on, but he ignores her and Ray and stomps through the house.
Ma Gordon and Rabbity Ruth stand at the kitchen window of Bicker-Bicker House. Rabbity Ruth is snorking snot in an effort to delay proceedings enough for her to think up a lie to tell her parents about her renewed connection with SuperDan. Honest, she sniffs to Ma Gordon, she only got reacquainted with SuperDan AFTER she split with Sean. (Split? But they weren’t living apart. So, they’re still together, like). She boomped inter him downtown, like, she lies.
Oh? Ma raises one eyebrow, sceptically. Then why didn’t Rabbity Ruth mention this meeting to them before?
Honest, snorks Rabbity Ruth desperately, wiggling her nose and foffing her big rabbit’s teeth, she hasn’t done anything wrong with SuperDan.
Ma Gordon gives her a steel-rimmed look. Boot, she’s still a maddied woman, she reminds Rabbity Ruth.
Back at Number 7, it’s obvious that Mike Dixon didn’t get the job for which he interviewed. Surprise, surprise.
Oooh, wonders Rachel, she doan oon-deh-stand wh-eye no’ give M-eye-ke t’job.
Mike is ranting desperately. HE understands why he didn’t get the job! It was embarrassing, sorry, embaddassin’. He couldn’t even answer half the questions they asked him. Oh, he’d read up on the subject of computer games, he scoffs, but at the end of the day, he hadn’t got a clue.
Oooh, breathes Rachel, sure-leh coomp’ny no’spect M-eye-ke ter know’t all!
Mike starts walking back and forth and flailing his arms about. When he finished university 8 years ago, he rants, he thought he had a future in film. He thought he’d spend the rest of his working life with a camcorder strapped to his back. Now it’s too late. He’s missed the boat. Nowadays when kids leave uni, it’s the unis who help them find work. There was none of that in Mike’s day.
Ray pokes his head around the corner to announce that he’s popping out to Jimmy’s. No one gives him a glance.
Oooh, suggests Rachel, what if M-eye-ke could re-train?
Even if he DID re-train, Mike exclaims, things are changing so rapidly that he couldn’t hope to keep up. And as for re-training, well, who’d be able to live if there were no money coming in?
Oooh, confesses Rachel, confidently, she’s been thinkin’ bowt mon-eh sit-yu-ation.
Not another loan, states Mike, adamantly.
Oooh, nooo, assures Rachel, boot, she thinks M-eye-ke should tek oop doc-teh’s of-feh o’free dental tre-atment, while still’ad chance.
Mike stands up and stomps away from her. He refuses point blank. He has his principles, after all. And he stalks out of the room.
Over at Bicker-Bicker House, Ali the Ginger stands up, bolts for the front door and announces that he’s going over to his mate’s house. Ma Gordon follows him half-way to the door, shrieking, wanting to know what he’s up to doing at his mate’s etc etc.
Ali the Ginger shrieks back over his shoulder that he’s going to listen ter soom music and eat. As he reaches the front door, however, the bell sounds. Opening it, he sees SuperDan, straight from a BBC cardigan sitcom. Ali the Ginger sneers out an introduction, and from his demeanor, it’s clear he’s none too fond of desperate Dan. As Rabbity Ruth wipes a stream of green snot from her nose with the sleeve of her top, Luke the bunny, sitting beside Bitch Gordon’s tits, picks up Bitch’s mobile phone and says, innocently, ‘Good-bye, Pete.’
(Now, pay attention. This is supposed to be funny). Bitch Gordon assumes the classically stereotypical look of shock, horror! Jiggles her tits and jumps up as Luke the bunny hops off ferrying the mobile phone. She chases him.
OK .. One, two, three ... EVERYBODY laugh ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What? I can’t hear you! Oh, well, at least Brookside ATTEMPTED humour.
Ma Gordon enters the lounge to greet SuperDan with a suspicious glint in her eye. SuperDan squirms under her gaze. Hmmm ... Begins Ma. Seemed as though the day before, SuperDan turned up joost intime ter rescue RRuth.
SuperDan squirms some more. Er, he’s only just stopped by to help Ruth return to her former abode to pick up the rest of her things ... That is, if Bitch will lend the couple her car, adds Rabbity Ruth, snorking back some snot.
(Dan is posh. Dan is VERY posh. Has anyone noticed? Dan is not a very good actor. Has anyone noticed?)
Meanwhile at Chateau Farnham Nouveau, formerly Number 8, the Parrs arrive for an evening with the Farnhams, wine bottle in hand. Jacqui and Max greet them warmly, apologising for the decor (due to Ray’s repairs after the flood) before Jacqui excuses herself to check on the silent children upstairs. Max takes the wine from Dr Parr, examining it critically. Dr Parr, not knowing that Gaby the Grin has already confided in Max, attempts a little bonhomie with Max, by revealing that Gaby the Grin had thought to cry off this evening, but Gaby the Grin is annoyed and snaps at her husband that she doesn’t want ot talk about her reason for not coming to the meal.
Whilst waiting for Rabbity Ruth and Dan to return from Ruth’s hutch, Ma and Pa Gordon discuss their oldest daughter’s dilemma. Pa Gordon, being a Londoner, is savvy with the actions of slags like his older daughter. He probably grew up around them all his life. Anyway, he doesn’t hold with this ‘fairmly’ jargon when one of the ‘fairmly’ has stepped out of line. It’s a wonder he’s managed to live so long amongst the amoral Scousers.
Pa Gordon says he can almost understand the hapless Sean’s reaction to this situation. Of course, no man would be happy to lose his wife and child to another man. At the end of the day, Rabbity Ruth should not be allowed to simply hop away from a marriage.
Oooh, whines Ma Gordon, boot ‘e beat her.
That’s as may be, Pa Gordon nods, but before or AFTER he knew what she was up to? Pa Gordon knows his daughter, and he knows that her slaggy, poor-white Liverpudlian blood is strong.
Oooh, whines Ma Gordon, boot they’ave tried ter make a go of it, RRuth and the hapless Sean. Ma Gordon reminisces about the hard times she and Pa endured in the early days of their marriage. ‘Tweren’t rosy. Besides, she continues, if Rabbity Ruth hadn’t split up with Dan, she would never have left university or got married.
Pa Gordon maintains that he knows his daughter, and he can see how she’s snaked her thick mother around to her way of thinking. Speaking of Rabbity Ruth (and - no doubt- rueing the day he came North), Pa Gordon mutters that Rabbity Ruth thinks no one is right but her.
Oooh, whines Ma Gordon, woonder where she gets that froom?
The Parrs and The Farnhams sit around the dining room table, enjoying a repast. Gary Parr and Max sit opposite each other up camera, whilst Jacqui sits beside Gary and opposite Gaby the Grin camera forefront.
Dr Parr thanks the Farnhams for allowing them to be the first guests in their new home.
Well, Jacqui replies, acknowledging the thanks, they felt they truly owed Dr Parr, basically because of Mike’s behaviour at present. (By the way, the meal is courtesy of left-overs from The Shelf. Well, you didn’t think Madam would cook, would you?)
Dr Parr politely asks after Mike.
He’s after getting full sympathy for his teeth at the moment, jokes Jacqui, with disdain.
Mike, says Max, is the grand master of jumping into a situation with both feet first before thinking a matter through.
Dr Parr complains about Mike’s taking the action against him. There was no need for a medical complaint. He actually saw Beth three times and she presented none of the symptoms of meningitis.
It’s all down to lack of respect, Max says, warming to a rant. And a distinct lack of respect from people for those people in professional positions. It’s society eroding, he continues. No respect for doctors, teachers, policemen ...
Surveyors, jokes Jacqui. But seriously, she adds, a person should be able to question the health care he’s receiving.
Dr Parr agrees wholeheartedly.
But Max continues. It’s even getting worse on the Close. Take the new people across the way, for example, Max says. The police had to be called before they’d even moved in, and they haven’t been here two days, but there’s a fight on the Close. It’s all down to a lack of respect for professionals. And speaking of professionals, Max remarks that there’s a surveyor’s instrument of his, which is still missing since the move.
It’s probably still next door, says Jacqui.
Dr Parr asks if the move went smoothly, and Jacqui and Max roll their eyes and laugh. Max never thought a simple house swap would be so complicated, he remarks.
Jacqui states categorically that she was put off moving forever after that one.
Max reminds her that they’re due to look seriously for another house in six months’ time.
Suddenly Gaby the Grin, who’s been drinking a lot and saying nothing all evening speaks, looking directly at Max. Still, it must be good for Max to be out of Number 7, with all those tragic memories of Susannah’s death haunting him there.
All conversation ceases. Gary Parr and Jacqui exchange hurt and quizzical glances. Jacqui turns her emotive gaze on Max, who reddens, clears his throat and confesses that he, er, told Gaby about Susannah’s death - er, how she had too much to drink and fell down the stairs and ... so forth.
Gaby the Grin senses the unease and offers an explanation. Max offered his sympathy and listened to her problems that afternoon, she explains. She’s only just heard that Rob Dexter, the man who was harassing her, had committed suicide. She tells Jacqui about the text messages he sent her threatening to do so, and then followed through with the threat.
Jacqui gazes across the table at Max. ‘Max,’ she begins, in earnest, ‘why didn’t yer tell me this?’
‘It was private,’ Max quips, unable to meet his wife’s gaze.
Again, Jacqui and Gary Parr exchange concerned looks.
Ma and Pa Gordon are still discussing Rabbity Ruth. Ooh, whines Ma, she reckons that the hapless Sean came round especially the day before ter hit Rabbity Ruth. So what if she IS having an affair with Dan? (That’s right. Condone adultery. No morals, Scousers). Ooh, Pa Gordon didn’t think Rabbity Ruth were pregnant? (Well, wonder why she’s called Rabbity Ruth?)
Pa Gordon scoffs at Ma’s pithy, little Scouse concerns as well as her cack-handed Scouse morality. This Dan, mind you, he says, is a five-minute wonder. Like Sean. He wouldn’t be shedding tears for either of those soft lads.
The dinner party spoiled, the Farnhams escort the Parrs to the front door, Gaby the Grin apologising profusely to a concerned Jacqui for being such bad company. Jacqui graciously accepts her apology, flashing a brief look at a humiliated Max, and saying that she only wished she’d known what had happened beforehand in order not to have subjected Gaby the Grin to the evening.
Once the Parrs are outside, however, Dr Parr rounds on his wife’s behaviour. What on EARTH possessed her to unburden herself like that with Max Farnham? Did she realise how that made him look in there this evening? It looked as if she were able to tell Max Farnham things she wasn’t able to tell her own husband! And Farnham has a wife, for Christ’s sake! It made it look to Jacqui that Max cared more about Gaby the Grin’s feelings than the doctor did!
Now it’s Gaby the Grin who’s squirming. Max just happened to catch her at a bad moment earlier, that’s all, she whines. Anyway, she continues, pulling away from him, Rob Dexter’s gone for good now. Couldn’t they just move on?
And she dashes away from him.
SuperDan and Rabbity Ruth return laden with gear from Rabbity Ruth’s hutch. Noticing the lack of languid bodies lolling about the house (only Ma and Pa are seated, Royle-family-like on the sofa), Rabbity Ruth asks about the whereabouts of everyone.
Ma Gordon says that the lads are both out.
Hopefully, Ali the Ginger’s looking for a summer job, Pa adds.
Rabbity Ruth tells Ma and Pa that she and SuperDan have dropped by SuperDan’s mum’s, but they haven’t eaten. Ma Gordon rises and tells the couple that she put something in the oven for them. As she and Rabbity Ruth leave the room for the kitchen, Pa Gordon glances up at SuperDan suspiciously. He asks what SuperDan’s been up to for the past few years.
It seems that SuperDan’s a qualified Civil Engineer (oh, a professional! Does that mean he’ll rate dinner at the Farnhams’ too?) However, since returning from Japan, he’s done mostly barwork. (Uh-oh, does that mean ...?) But he HAS had an interview - ah, but that was only as a motorway maintenance engineer. He rocks back on his heels cockily.
Rabbity Ruth and Ma Gordon re-enter the lounge. Rabbity Ruth wants to know where she’ll be sleeping that night. Ma Gordon remarks that she’ll put Rabbity Ruth and Luke the bunny in Ali the Ginger’s room. Ali can share with the Brookside Bike.
SuperDan offers to take Rabbity Ruth’s bags upstairs, as Rabbity Ruth breathlessly thanks her parents for letting her stay.
As they go upstairs, poor, old put-upon Pa quips to Ma that he doesn’t know why Rabbity Ruth doesn’t arrange to talk to the hapless Sean.
Mike Dixon is continuing to whinge about having a toothache in teeth that are no longer there. Rachel is becoming fed up with his moans. Oooh, she wonders aloud, doan kno-ah wh-eye M-eye-ke doan get free dental tre-atment froom doc-teh’s mate.
Mike is adamant he’s not going to get dental treatment courtesy of Gary Parr. That would be selling out. Anyway, he’s only doing it to assuage his stricken conscience - to BUY Mike’s silence.
Oooh, worries Rachel, boot dentist cost mo-neh!
Mike begins to rant. This is their lot, he moans, scrimping and saving and never having nothing but debts. He’s sick and tired of being passed over, ignored and taken for a mug by the world in which Gary Parr resides. It’s all down to the doctor, their present predicament. If he’d bothered to see Beth in the first place, Mike would still be in gainful employment. Now that scumbag of a doctor wouldn’t even think to apologise; he wouldn’t even admit his negligence with regard to Beth.
Suddenly Rachel’s dormant brain kicks into gear. This isn’t about Beth at all! She exclaims. This is all about Mike and his own negative feelings!
Mike vows that he’s going to take that Gary Parr to court. He might not win the medical panel over on negligence, but the fact remanis that Parr took a pop at him and broke his bridge.
Jac-keh were r-eye-ght! Exclaims Rachel, in dismay. It were all bowt mo-neh!
Too right it’s about money, admits Mike at last. It’s about compensation. This is a compensation culture now, he tells his dim wife, just like America (er, moreso, I think). He’s going to take that Dr Parr to court for asaulting him, and if he makes a few bob out of it, so much the better! After all, why shouldn’t they have a piece of the cake?
(Er, try working for it).
Neil Jones wrote this. It was AWFUL!!!
Summary © 2002 Marion Watts
Brookside and all related materials are © Mersey Television 1982-2002