Friday 3rd May 2002

ENDING ON A HIGH NOTE

As I write this summary, I’m listening to The Boss. Bruce Springsteen, not Phil Redmond. Listening to the stories that come out of the words to his early music. It was almost poetic in its realism, not that anyone in this country would understand. Springsteen is from the area in the US that’s roughly the equivalent of Liverpool. Asbury Park, New Jersey.

Now for those of you unfamiliar with American culture, to come from Jersey (as we call NEW Jersey, pronounced NOO Jersey, or NOO Joisey, if you’re from Brooklyn) is slightly down-market from coming from New York City, itself. Jersey is a cheaper place to live, rather than Manhattan or Long Island (pronounced Lon-Gisland). It’s blue-collar and totally dependent now on NYC for its livelihood.

If you go to places like Asbury Park, which is a seedy, seaside town that catered to working-class holidays in better times, it’s almost like being transported in time back to the Fifties, but without a slick lick of paint or a bit of polish on the chromium. It’s Pleasantville without the colour.

But it’s home to Springsteen and someone who was christened Giovanni Bongiovi, who grew up to dye his black hair blonde and become Jon Bon Jovi. Jersey has a large, historical Italian influence, and Springsteen and Bon Jovi are only the latest manifestations from a state that spawned Frank Sinatra.

So the Italian influence on talent is to New Jersey, what the Irish influence on talent is to Liverpool. It’s just a shame Brookside have failed to garner it.

Just a thought.

Jimmy sits at the kitchen table at Hotel Corkhill, composing a letter to Helen, presumably to reveal to her, via the written word, his secret regarding his mental illness. Perhaps the written word comes easier to Jimmy than the spoken one. Or perhaps he is, after all, a coward.

Outside, Tim sweeps up the detritus left over from the builders’ waste, from the back of the white van. He clutches his lower back every now and then, in pain.

Across the Close at Number 8, Jacqui stands at the foot of Ron’s bed, toying with her hair as always and imploring her father to get out of bed.

Meanwhile, on The Parade, Josh sits at the bar counter whilst Bev does a clean. When her back’s turned, he sneaks a sip through a straw of Bev’s drink. Bev twigs and is annoyed.

Scenes are all set for the show to begin ...

Tim limps into Hotel Corkhill, rubbing his lower back and moaning about his back ache, as Jimmy rises from his half-finished letter. All done and dusted? He asks Tim, referring to the cleaning of the van and the removal of the rubbish from Jimmy’s garden.

Yes, replies Tim, sourly and not without a note of sarcasm. Ta for the help.

Well, Jimmy retorts, lightly, Tim’s the ‘lifter and shifter’. And that’s in the singular, by the way, he adds.

Yes, well, rather than shifted, Tim reckons he got shafted the previous day. After all, he reminds Jim, he was only trying to create a rockery in Jimmy’s garden, and Jimmy DID give him and Em permission to do what they liked with the house.

That was a mockery instead of a rockery, jibes Jimmy and points out to Tim that some post had arrived for him.

Tim opens his post, informing Jimmy that he’s got a First Anniversary card from his mum, Carmel (another woman we should see more of in Brookside), complete with a tenner.

How appropriate, camps Jimmy, especially since the first anniversary is traditionally the Paper Anniversary. How does Tim plan on spending it?

Tim replies that he promised Emily a night out on the town, as he flops onto the Corkhill sofa. Although, if the truth be known, Tim says, he’d rather have an early night. He’s extremely tired, but he manages to ask Jimmy drowsily if Jim’s OK, before nodding off to Slumberland.

Jacqui takes it upon herself to open the curtains to Ron’s room, letting in rays of sunlight. Just look at the state of this room, Jacqui scolds. Why, this isn’t like Ron at all. Ron isn’t normally untidy, she chides, yet there he lies, unshaven and dirty. Why doesn’t he go have a shower? She suggests. It’s after nine o’clock in the morning. Surely, he didn’t mean to stay in bed all day?

Ron listlessly points out that Jacqui’s mother stayed in bed all day.

Jacqui stops her jollying, suddenly listening to Ron reminisce about DD’s breakdown years before. Ron says that it’s taken him eight years to understand exactly how DD felt at that time. Funny thing was, he did the same sort of encouragement to her as Jacqui was now doing to him, he muses. First, he suggested she had a shower; then he told her to count her blessings ... But she wouldn’t listen to him ... Instead she just lay there, like a big lump.

Jacqui uneasily suggests that Ron have something to eat. Why not come downstairs?

But Ron isn’t listening. All Jacqui’s concern would soon wear thin, he says. His did with DD. Soon Jacqui would get bored with the situation and lose her rag with Ron. Just the way he did with DD ...

Adele opens the front door of Sitcom House and tentatively enters. Looking about, she calls out hesitantly for her mother and father. Receiving no reply, she opens the front door wider, saying that she and her guest have the place to themselves. Gareth the Lurch-like lover enters after her.

Emily’s returned to Hotel Corkhill to find Tim sacked out on the couch. She asks Jimmy accusingly how long Tim’s been asleep. Jimmy replies that Tim only wanted to get forty winks.

Well, he’d better be up and at it soon, Emily threatens, as Jimmy bends over the sleeping form of Tim. He’d promised to take her to some posh restaurant downtown tonight to celebrate their anniversary - although, if Em had her way, she’d be happier with a plate of egg and chips instead of that nouvelle cuisine.

Jimmy, however, is more interested in the state of Tim’s nasal hair. He suggests that Emily employ her beautician’s skills to the removal of Tim’s nasal hair, which seems, of late to be getting longer and thicker. Intrigued, Emily follows Jimmy’s suit and peers up Tim’s nostrils.

Nikki and Bev are preparing to open the bar and Josh is sitting nearby. He’s bored, he informs Bev. Can he go upstairs? (This scene, incidentally, is filmed through the glass of the front window in the bar). Bev refuses. There’s no way Josh is going to be upstairs on his own. All it would take is for some social work-type to twig that he was home alone and all hell would descend on Bev.

At that moment, Jacqui enters the bar, and Bev immediately starts to decompensate over Josh. Honestly, she witters, mindlessly to Jacqui, he’s only in the bar whilst it’s not open. Once the punters start coming in, Josh’s minder should be upstairs and -

Jacqui says that she hasn’t come to see Bev about Josh. She needs to have a word with her about Ron.

Nikki takes a hint and takes Josh away with her, while Bev and Jacqui take seats in a nearby booth. She’s at her wit’s end, Jacqui states. Ron’s in a terrible way. She’s never seen him so depressed. He just lies in bed, unwashed, unshaven. It’s horrible. He’s dirty and he won’t move.

Bev asks why Jacqui’s telling her this, and Jacqui replies with a question of her own. Wouldn’t Bev see Ron and try to talk sense to him?

Hmm, sniffs Bev, trying to be funny. Does Jacqui mean would Bev sleep with Ron?

Jacqui is horrified at such a suggestion, but Bev, seeing her reaction, rushes to assure Jacqui that she was only joking.

‘I thought you and me dad were mates,’ Jacqui retorts. ‘And I coom askin’ yer a favour as his mate, and all you can do is make a sick joke out of it.’

Bev is rightly put in her place be Jacqui’s reaction to her crass comment, and she promises Jacqui that she’ll think about visiting Ron.

Over at Sitcom House, up in Adele’s virginal room, she and Gareth the Lurch-like Lover enjoy a long snog. Finally, coming up for air, Gareth remarks that he could merr-der a plate of chips and despatches the dutiful Adele off to the chippy.

Jimmy happens to pass the bar and is hailed and hauled inside by the over-protective Dr Nikki. Thinking to avoid her persistent line of questioning, he immediately launches into telling her about Tim being back home at Hotel Corkhill and out for the count.

But Dr Nikki can’t and won’t be fooled. She snaps the ubiquitous question at Jimmy. Is he all right?

Of course, he’s all right, answers Jimmy, evasively. Why shouldn’t he be?

Bev then enters the main bar area from the office. Spying Jimmy, she immediately nabs him. Jimmy Corkhill is just the man she wants to see. He’s simply got to do a mercy dash for Bev.

Jimmy asks Bev what she needs doing.

It’s Ron Dikko, replies Bev. He’s hit rock bottom, apparently. Doing a bit of the ostrich routine. As far as Bev can see, Jimmy Corkhill seems to be the only person around these parts who just might understand what Ron’s going through.

‘The only other jailbird around her, ya mean,’ comments Jimmy. (Well, no, not exactly ... There’s always Tim).

‘Go on,’ urges Bev. ‘Make a horrible, old man happy.’

Plank Murray enters Sitcom House. Intrigued by strange sounds emanating from upstairs, he calls out to his sister Adele. At that same moment, Adele follows him in through the back door, her arms laden with hot chips.

What’s all that noise upstairs? Plank asks.

Adele lies and says it’s her mate Leslie, from school. They’re revising. She dumps the heaps of chips on the table. Plank is amused. Is Leslie piling on the pounds then? He asks. Adele lies again and said the portion of chips is for the two of them, as they felt peckish.

‘You’ll never eat that lot,’ scoffs Plank.

Tim and Emily are in the bathroom at Hotel Corkhill. Em’s had her bath and is wearing her dressing gown. Tim’s clad in his jeans and is running his bath. Emily comes close to Tim and remarks how much he stinks. That’s hard work, Tim replies. He makes a remark to Emily about fly-tipping the builders’ rubbish, before the two engage in a massive snog, while behind Tim’s back, Emily empties a bottle of scented bubble bath into the filling bath.

The doorbell rings at Number 8 and Jacqui Farnham opens the door to find Jimmy Corkhill on the doorstep. Jimmy greets her by remarking that he understands Ron’s doing a Yoko and John. (ASIDE: I WONDER IF THE CHILDREN - KIRSTY, STEPH AND THE LIKE - WHO POST SUCH SEARINGLY INTELLIGENT POSTS ON THE OFFICIAL FORUM UNDERSTAND THE RELEVANCE OF THIS REMARK. I WOULD BE WILLING TO GUESS THAT THEY DON’T).

Jacqui attempts to stop Jimmy from entering the house, but Jimmy tells her that he and Ron have more in common than Jacqui would ever know, and pushes past her.

As Plank continues to marvel over the amount of chips Adele hopes to share between herself and ‘Leslie’, Gareth suddenly calls out from upstairs. Now Plank IS intrigued. Is Leslie undergoing some sort of hormone treatment? He asks. And he dashes upstairs, followed by Adele. When Gareth the Lurch-like Lover lurches into view, seated on the bed, Plank enquires as to whether Adele has been playing Doctors and Nurses upstairs.

Adele accuses Plank of being small-minded.

Plank needs to talk to Gareth, he asserts and turns to face the lad, who tells him that he and Adele were merely studying.

Plank demands to see Gareth downstairs and Gareth stands up. Plank doesn’t even reach Gareth’s shoulder.

Humiliated, Plank turns and slithers downstairs, whilst Gareth turns to Adele and shouts out, ‘Midget!’

(Sorry, but is Gareth supposed to be sixteen, like Adele? He looks more like 26? Brookside could have found a younger-looking actor!)

Jimmy opens the door to the room where Ron lies, face to the wall. He greets him with a booming, ‘RENALDO DIXON!’

In one bound, Ron turns over and leaps out of bed .’JIMMY FLAMING CORKHILL! IT’S FLAMING CORKHILL! WHAT’S HE DOING HERE? JACQUELINE! JACQUELINE!’

Ron continues calling Jacqui, as Jimmy opens the curtains. Jacqui’s got other things on her plate, he explains patiently to Ron. She’s a busy woman. Turning to look at Ron in the cold light of day, he remarks that Ron is ‘not a pretty sight’.

Ron demands to know what Jimmy’s doing in his bedroom, and Jimmy tells him he’s on a mercy mission. Without waiting to be asked, Jimmy sits down in the one seat in the bedroom. Jimmy tells Ron that he knows Ron’s symptoms all too well.

Ron attempts to shut Jimmy up.

‘No, no, wait a minute,’ Jim persists. Let me guess. Yer sleep all day and yer oop all night. Right?’

Ron nods reluctantly.

‘Yer’ve lost yer wife, yer business has gone down the chute and yer livin’ in a house of strangers,’ Jimmy assesses, and suddenly we realise that Ron’s circumstance mirrors Jimmy’s of late.

Ron nods again.

‘Then this is yer life, Ron Dixon,’ says Jim.

‘Right,’ replies Ron, ‘And I suppose YOU’RE going to tell me it’s the only one I’ve got.’

‘Now’, continues Jimmy, ‘do you feel like you’re attached to a chain and a stick?’

Ron doesn’t reply, knowing that Jimmy knows the answer.

Sitting back smugly, Jimmy assesses that Ron’s a ripe candidate for depression, but here’s the clencher question.

‘Do yer wish yer was dead?’ Jimmy asks, bluntly.

Ron begins to issue a verbal protest, arguing that he doesn’t know what he’s doing sitting there listening to Corkhill.

‘Do yer wish yer was dead?’ Repeats Jimmy, relentlessly.

Ron begins to shout for Jacqui.

But Jimmy won’t give up. ‘DO YER WISH YER WAS DEAD?’ He repeats, loudly.

‘YES!’ Screams Ron.

Bev is getting ready to open the bar for the evening shift, and she’s giving last-minute instructions to Josh, who sits sullenly nearby. The minder is late - again, but Bev promises Josh that the minder will make him some pasta as soon as she arrives, although Bev wishes she had time to stay and make the lad’s tea, herself.

The minder said she was running 15 minutes late, Bev says. That means Josh has to be very good and promise Bev that he won’t be naughty for the fiften minutes he’ll be left on his own. Josh appears not to be paying any attention to Bev, so engrossed is he in his Game-boy, so Bev snatches it from him, to howls of protest.

She sits beside the kid and forces him to listen to her. It’s when Josh makes his protest that we realise that, unlike Josh Mach I, Josh Mach II is NO SCOUSER. In fact, he has a noticeably SOUTHERN accent. Josh is to put the chain on the door the minute Bev leaves, and he’s not to release the chain to anyone but the childminder. AND Josh is to phone Bev downstairs the minute the minder arrives.

Ron and Jimmy are still attempting to have a heart-to-heart. Jimmy accurately assesses Ron’s situation. Ron, quite simply, feels he has no job, no life and no wife. Welcome to normality, Jimmy jokes. And if Ron’s telling himself that this situation will pass, he’s telling porkies as well. But he wants to watch seeing doctors about this - after all, you have a headache, you pop a pill.

No, what Ron has, Jimmy tries to explain, in true SAGE mode now, is a little imbalance.

Imbalance? Ron cries. He was in prison, for God’s sake! Him! Ron Dixon, who used to be the pillar of the Legion!

Jimmy replies, thumping himself. He, Jimmy Corkhill, he says, he was in prison! Him! Jimmy Corkhill. Pillar of salt!

Ron despairs. The view of the Legion about Ron, he says, was that Ron was a good fella. A good compere. But now that he’s done his stretch, theydidn’t want to know him. So much for the Have-a-Go Hero.

The SAGE begins to lecure Ron about how he can make a positive experience alight from such a negative one as prison. Ron should accept, the Sage warbles in Maharishi-like tones, that his life has now changed and he should embrace that change. He’s got a whole new world ahead of him, changed via that experience. He can use that time he’s been given to meet new women or do some voluntary work. (Er, beg pardon, but Jimmy should practice what he preaches).

Voluntary work? Scoffs Ron, in disbelief.

Like prison visiting, suggests Jimmy.

Ron exclaims that he just got out of prison. Why would he want to go back?

It would be an opportunity for Ron to give something back to the system, Jimmy urges.

By visiting merr-dering scallies and scoom? Asks Ron. He doesn’t give a toss about those people.

Then, gropes Jimmy, blindly, change the sheets on his bed, smarten himself up. And Ron should remember ... It’s no shame in admitting you’re weak.

Gareth the Lurch-like Lover strides into the sitcom lounge where Plank is reading a motor mag. Gareth announces that he’d like a brew if he’s allowed. As he walks past Plank, Plank sticks his foot out and trips him, jumping on top of Gareth. Plank threatens the lad. If Gareth does anything to his little sister -

Suddenly Gareth notices the magazine that Plank’s holding in his hand. He reads that mag, he says. Why, RGareth’s only studying to be a mechanic.

Really? Asks Plank, impressed. Tossing the magazine to Gareth, whom he releases, he asks Gareth’s opinion on a certain motor within. A bond is forged.

Jimmy returns to Hotel Corkhill from his mercy mission. As he enters the house, he hears sounds of laughter from the bath upstairs - Tim asking Emily to scrub his back. Jimmy’s eyes fall on the unfinished letter to Helen. He screws it up and bins it.

Over at the bar, Bev is finishing a phone call with Josh, when Ron, dressed, but still unshaven, enters the bar.

‘Oh,’ jokes Bev, ‘the creature has risen.’

Nikki asks if Jimmy has been round gabbing with Ron, but Ron ignores her, instead leaning over the bar to be within earshot of Bev. Just exactly what did Bev mean by sending that Doolally Corkhill around for a chinwag?

Bev confesses that Jacqui had originally asked her to pay Ron a visit, but honestly Bev has been so busy there at the bar, she was meeting herself on the way back.

It would have been better to have a no-show, quips Ron.

Bev gets another phone call and asks Ron to wait.

Tim is having another forty winks, this time in the bath. Emily kneels by the side of the bath and nudges him awake. She jokes about Tim’s fatigue, wondering what state he’ll be in for their Second Anniversary. Suddenly, a mischievous look comes into her eye and she suggests that they make the bath the scene for Location 21 (the absurd record they keep about places where they’ve had nookie).

Tim reminds her that they’d already had nookie in the bath, but Emily replies that at that time, they were newlyweds; they were an old married couple now.

Tim accepts the challenge, demanding that first Emily has to ‘find the soap’.

Bev’s finished with her phone call. It was from Josh, saying that the minder had rung and she was unable to babysit that evening. Bev’s in a quandry, so she asks Ron. Ron turns her request down, saying that he’s simply not up to babysitting that evening.

Bev tries the harsh tactic of geeing Ron up. Well, she begins, look at her predicament. She’s a single mother who has to work unsociable hours, she can’t afford child-care, so she’s depressed. Guess she’ll just have to take to her bed. Oh, sorry, she can’t ... Because she has responsibilities. Truth is, she NEEDS Ron’s help tonight.

Ron apologises again, saying that he realises he told her that he would help her out with Josh all he could -

But that’s not good enough, Bev cries. It’s too vague. She needs dates and times. She simply can’t juggle work and motherhood without some sort of help. (Er, who minded Josh when Bev owned the bar?) If she continues to have Josh down with her in the bar or if she continues to cry off work because of lack of child-care, then she’ll only have Jacqui on her case.

She can practically shout from the balcony across to Jacqui, Ron suggests. Bev will just have to call her in tonight.

Plank and Gareth the Lurch-like Lover have bonded and are looking at a motor mag. Gareth tells Plank that his dad went to school with the footballer, Jimmy Case, which well impresses Plank. They have a discussion about the bionic boot, which Adele, who’s entered the lounge, finds too boring.

Jimmy is now seated at the table in Hotel Corkhill, attempting another try at writing Happy Smiling Helen a letter. He pauses briefly, disturbed by the overtly sexual noises emanating from the bathroom upstairs. Dr Nikki arrives and asks what Jim’s writing.

Jimmy replies that the’s trying to write a letter to Happy Smiling Helen, telling her his life story, but he’s having a problem with it.

In a remarkable change of tack, Nikki disses his attempt, saying that putting everything down like that in an historical essay would remove the spontaneity of the budding relationship. Jimmy muses aloud that Helen probably thinks him exhuberant now, but if she knew what he was really like, she’d only think him odd.

Nikki tells him to ditch the letter.

Ah, but Raymundo’s thrown a spanner in the works, Jimmy explains. Ray insists that Jimmy tell Helen about his illness.

Nikki declares, in her infinite wisdom, that Ray was wrong to demand that.

All he wanted, Jimmy whines, was a little friendship, supplemented with some meaningful sex. Looking at Nikki, he says that Ray has promised to tell Helen about Jimmy’s illness, if Jimmy doesn’t do so.

Emily, dressed in her dressing gown now, hurries Tim to get out of the bath. As Tim stands up, he clutches his lower back in pain. He’s in agony. Emily thinks he’s joking and tells him that there are ways and means of correcting a backache. But as Tim goes to step out of the bath, he tumbles onto the bathroom floor in agony.

Emily wistfully muses that this puts an end to Location 21.

A furious Jacqui has been summoned around to Bev’s flat and told that she would have to manage the bar that evening. (This is a woman only a week out of hospital from a serious operation). Bev apologises, but says that her minder didn’t show up - again.

Jacqui ticks her off royally. She’s not in the least bit happy and wastes no time in telling Bev that it’s down to her to find cover for Josh if her minder’s having a laugh and not showing up.

Bev pleads with Jacqui to understand. She’s having a serious problem finding a responsible sitter for Josh.

Not her problem, says Madam Hard-face. If Bev wants to keep her job, she had to provide child-care for Josh.

Bev sets up a caterwaul of complaints then about Josh being neglected by everyone - his Dad, his Granddad (both of whom had promised support), Now Jacqui’s showing scant sympathy - Jacqui even told Bev to ring her if there were any staffing problems during her shift.

But, Jacqui points out, she didn’t expect to be summoned in to cover herself, especially when she was enjoying a rare night in with her husband and her children. Besides, she covers Wednesday evenings anyway. And anyway, Bev’s got a nerve accusing Jacqui of not caring. Bev’s a prime example. Why, when Jacqui asked her earlier to visit Ron, she simply couldn’t be bothered and sent Jimmy Bloody Corkhill, instead.

Look, says Bev, now beside herself, Jacqui HAD to come up with some sort of solution to her childcare problem. Why, tonight, she was so desperate when she thought the sitter was late, that she had to resort to leaving Josh on his own until the woman arrived. It was only when Josh rang to tell her that the woman couldn’t make this evening that Bev abandoned ship downstairs. What is she supposed to do?

Jacqui says brusquely that she doesn’t know and, quite frankly, she doesn’t care.

Well, she had a right to care, argues Bev, because Josh is her nephew.

(Actually, funny enough, I’m on Jacqui’s side in this argument. Bev’s childcare arrangements are down to her to sort out, and not Jacqui. It’s not the employer’s responsibity find adequate childcare for an employee who takes a job. This isn’t something that Jacqui needs at the moment, and Bev must be on a pretty decent wage as bar manager, to be able to afford childcare. Mike should also be made to shoulder some of the responsibilty - true, he works nights and the evenings are taken up with him getting ready for and going to work, but he should be obligated to contribute toward the cost of Josh’s child care.)

Emily sits on the closed loo seat as Tim lies flat on his back on the bathroom floor. He can’t move for the back pain. Emily remarks sarcastically that this little incident would certainly save on a restaurant she was less than eager to visit. And she also supposes that this incident rules out any Location 21.

Tim asks her to put a towel under his head, as he finds it difficult and painful to move his arms. She does so and resumes her seat.

‘Happy Anniversary,’ she says, listlessly to Tim.

(Actually, these two were quite good in this).

Jimmy is still explaining his feelings about writing to Happy Smiling Helen to Dr Nikki. He’s trying to understand Ray’s attitude to all that’s happened. Ray’s missed out on 40 years of being a dad, he explains to Nikki. Of course, it’s only natural that he wouldn’t want Helen to get hurt.

Dr Nikki points out that she doesn’t want Jimmy to get hurt. And because of that, she thinks Ray’s ultimatum stinks.

Jimmy muses about the advice he was able to offer Ron Dixon earlier in the day, and Ron’s problems all stem from the night he shot that fella. Looking at himself, he supposes that he’s not exactly the ideal choice for Happy Smiling Helen to have made on Cilla’s Blind Date show.

He wonders what she’ll make of all that Mersey Tunnel business, amongst other things. Right then and there, he decides that writing her a letter would be the coward’s way out. He’s going to ring her now and tell all. He wants her to be able to see the real Jimmy Corkhill, beyond the headlines.

Carmel Morgan wrote this. About bloody time too. Can we have more?