Crumbs from the table of entertainment, that’s the way Brookside should be described lately. Let’s add that to other descriptions we’ve read in the media about the show - Brookside is a show ‘in crisis’; it’s Channel 4’s ‘troubled soap’; it’s ‘having difficulties’.
Shit, it’s just dumbing down and having difficulty in pleasing everyone who’s left watching the show. How many times have we been told that Brookside WAS ORIGINALLY the thinking man’s soap. It attracted intellectuals, people who thought. It tackled issues, social mores and the like, with the odd tad of sensationalism and a generous helping of warm, Scouse humour. It was, quite honestly, on the cutting edge of things. Its characters were people we knew, people we passed on the street and didn’t think twice about. They went out of their way to present us with ordinary people dealing with crises that any one of us could have expected to confront in our lives.
But something went wonky around 1997, and the soap went into freefall. I don’t need to relate at length the trials and tribulations suffered by the show since then, most at the hands of the departed Paul Marquess, who issued the edicts ‘young equals beautiful’ and ‘sex sells’.
Suffice it to say, that Phil Redmond shouldn’t allow himself to traipse down that trail in the vain hope of attracting more viewers.
He should have balls enough to admit he’s dumbing the show down to fit the puerile needs of the pond life inhabiting the Official Forum, the sort who never are able to see past the first level of a complex storyline and then determine its success by measuring how ‘fit’ the individual characters are - you know the sort, the kind who think anyone past thirty who indulges in sex is perverted. You get the picture.
However, he can’t afford to lose the likes of us who think and who remember when the show was good, the sort of bods who inhabit Alan’s or Annabelle’s forums. So, every now and then, he throws us some crumbs from his table of pornographic delights, and we come up with a winner.
Enjoy the high point of Brookside this week, because after this, it’s total tripe.
Ron Dixon slowly awakes, back in his home. In the fuzzy period between waking and sleeping, he hears the morning sounds of prison, in his mind. Opening his eyes, he glances briefly about the room, a room filled with soft toys and baby things. He’s been put in the small single bed in what appears to be Beth’s room. As he looks around, the prison sounds disappear and are replaced by the equally unfamiliar sounds of the beginning of the day in Number 8.
First, he hears Beth crying, and Rachel calling out that she’s coming to her child. Then he hears the slamming of a door and Jessie announcing to Rachel that the bathroom’s free.
Across the Close, morning has broken in Hotel Corkhill as well. There’s bacon sizzling on the cooker, as Jimmy steps from his extension and sniffs the air. Tim, who’s cooking the bacon, glances apprehensively at Jimmy as he walks into the kitchen, continuing to sniff the air. Tim remembers that this obsession with smells was one of the first signs of Jimmy’s last manic episode.
Over at Chateau Farnham, Max stands pensively in the lounge, a framed photo of Matthew and Emily. Jacqui enters the room, notices what her husband is doing, approaches him and lovingly places her arms around his waist.
Back at Number 8, the day has truly begun, with a flurry of hoovering and polishing. Jessie and Rachel are furiously cleaning the lounge, as Ron hesitantly enters.
Jessie is the first to notice his arrival. Above the din of the hoover, Jessie smiles and welcomes Ron, asking him if he’d like a full English. Added to the din of the hoover, is loud music emanating from Hotel Corkhill, across the way.
Ron cups his ear, indicating to Jessie that he can’t hear her. She repeats her request. Would he like a full English breakfast?
As the hoover is turned off, the loud music continues to blare. Ron turns down Jessie’s request, clearing his throat and telling her that instead of a full English breakfast, he’s got a mouthfull of furniture polish, as Rachel the dim appears to polish with a relish. As Ron prepares to sit in his favourite chair, he inadvertantly sits on one of Beth’s toys.
‘Ah, well,’ laughs Jessie, uneasily, ‘home, sweet home.’
Back amid the music at Hotel Corkhill, Jimmy approaches the cooker and sniffs vigourously at the sizzling bacon. Tim warily asks Jimmy if he’d like some breakfast.
That bacon’s off, remarks Jimmy.
Tim argues that it’s not.
It smells off, insists Jimmy.
Tim remarks that Jimmy smells a rat and walks away.
Back to Square One, muses Jimmy, looking around the room.
It’s change of class time at Brookie Comp. Adele walks down the corridor, talking with another new friend, she’s acquired. Antony is seen also walking tentatively down the same hall, glancing about. Suddenly, he stops, horrified. There, standing a short distance in front of him, is a young girl, who - from behind - looks remarkably like Imelda.
Antony stops in his tracks, but breathes a sigh of relief, as the girl turns profile, and he sees it’s not her.
Back at Hotel Corkhill, Tim’s dishing up the breakfast, as Dr Nikki sits at the table, studying. Jimmy is putting on his ubiquitous denim jacket, as Tim asks all and sundry if they want breakfast.
Not for him, snaps Jim, as he walks out the door, leaving Dr Nikki with a look of concern on her face.
Meanwhile back at the Dixons’, Jacqui has stopped by for a flying visit with Ron. Ron asks her if she wants a cup of tea, but she refuses, citing that she’s in a hurry. Too busy for a simple glass of water, remarks Ron.
Jacqui’s in a whirlwind. It’s all go getting the bar up and re-opened for Friday, she explains. Plus, she has to read the riot act to someone at the Health Club. She asks Ron to stop by the Health Club later for a chat. Ron asks about the trouble at the Health Club - who does it concern?
Someone who should know better, Jacqui says, cryptically.
As Jessie phaffs about in the kitchen, trying to make herself scarce, Ron whispers suddenly to Jessie that he feels like an unwanted guest in his own home.
Sensing discomfort, Jessie advises Ron and Jacqui that she’s off to the shops at The Parade. When she’s gone, Jacqui delivers the bad news to Ron about Great Grannies. She tells Ron bluntly that Great Grannies is no longer making a profit.
Ron scoffs at that idea. Not making a profit! Why, Great Grannies was ticking along all right.
Jacqui tells him that the business has lost clients.
But that was only because of the trial, protests Ron.
Seventy-three per cent of clients have cancelled contracts, Jacqui says. In fact, she tells him, the rent he received from Ray and Jessie was virtually his only source of income now.
Ron is visibly devastated. It’s come to this, he says, in disbelief. No business, and himself reduced to a single bed in the baby’s room of his own home. All his plans have been scuppered, because of this prison sentence.
Jacqui tries her hand at geeing Ron up. What Ron needs, she says decisively, is a full-time job.
Ron snorts derisively. He has less of a chance of finding a job than Corkhill, across the way.
Across the way, by the way, Dr Nikki is hard at work, removing the bolt lock from the outer door of Jimmy’s extension. Tim watches her with concern. Is she certain she should be doing that? Tim asks with concern.
Too late, quips Nikki, smugly, it’s already done. Anyway, everything should be fine, as long as Jimmy continues to take his meds. And didn’t Tim have a job to go to today?
Tim confirms that Plank got him a job moving builders’ waste, for decent money too. But that’s not the point, he continues, returning to the discussion of Jimmy. What if Jim loses it?
Nikki replies cockily that she can cope with Jimmy.
As Tim passes Nikki by the extension as he leaves, he remarks that it’s Nikki who has the screw loose.
It’s change of classes again at Brookie Comp, and as Ant leaves his science class, he is stopped by his red-headed Scouse science teacher. The teacher asks him why he hasn’t handed in his science project, which was due today.
Antony uneasily explains that he was ill over the Easter break. The teacher points out to him that everyone else in the class managed to hand the project in today, except Antony. She then tells him that he must get his project in by Friday, or risk being sent to detention the following Monday.
Tim finally leaves Hotel Corkhill to begin his day’s work. He says good-bye to Jimmy as Jimmy is noticing that the bolt has been removed from the door to the extension.
Meanwhile, at Naughty Nurse Towers, Katie is playing catwalk model with Louise the Ratchild, when their game is interrupted by the noisy entrance of Sammy, back from London.
She loudly greets her daughter, informing her that there was a present in her bag for Louise from Richard.
Louise wants to know if her mother and Richard are getting back together. Sammy’s unduly happy for some reason, joking with Katie that Louise isn’t happy that Sammy’s working on reception at a Health Club, but neither was she happy when Sammy was on the dole.
Louise opens her present from Richard, only to find a CD, as well as £50.00. She asks Sammy if Richard had any message to give to her, and Sammy tells Louise that Richard says he misses Louise.
Louise remarks sadly that she misses Richard, and slopes away to her room.
Antony has retreated to a cubicle in the boys’ loo. He sits on the toilet seat and opens his bag, taking a bag of savoury snacks out and opening them. Breathing a sigh of relief, he relaxes in peace.
Back at Number 8, Jacqui tries unsuccessfully to encourage Ron, telling him that something will turn up on the job front. At least, she says, Ron’s alive.
Yes, Ron replies, he’s alive, but Moffatt’s not. And he gazes in the direction of the spot where the sainted Clint breathed his last.
Ron mentions to Jacqui that he saw Katie the previous day.
Jacqui is immediately apprehensive, promising to deal with Katie, now that they were on friendly terms again. Did she speak to Ron? She asks. What did Katie say?
She didn’t use words, Ron starts to explain, but he did manage to get a mouthful of gob off her.
Jacqui is disgusted. She’s determined to have a word with Katie. This behaviour isn’t on, she maintains.
Ron stops her. He doesn’t want her to say anything at all to Katie. The sad thing, Ron continues, is that he believes that he’s one of the few people who could help Katie. He, Katie and Ma Moffatt are all three locked in the same nightmare, he explains. No, Jacqui wasn’t to say anything to Katie. Ron feels responsible for robbing Katie of a future.
It was an accident, Jacqui argues, and it’s high time Katie let go, instead of feeding this morbid fetish.
Ron remarks that that night was the beginning of his life sentence.
As Ant sits in his private retreat of the loo, a group of boys enter boisterously, looking for him. One thrusts his face in the space at the bottom of the cubicle, and the boys begin to chant derisively at Ant, whilst one turns the water taps on and they all begin to splash him with water, forcing him from the cubicle.
Interlude: Tim drives onto the Close in his van and angrily parks it, getting out and muttering under his breath.
Suddenly, in the boys’ loo, the hubbub dies into silence. Waiting a few moments, Antony slightly damp, slowly opens the cubicle door and starts to sneak out. Suddenly, he’s ambushed with a rush of water. As the pan of water hits him full on and the attacking boys laugh, Ant suddenly has a flashback to flailing around in the water with Imelda. Instantly assuming the offensive, he lashes out with the back of his hand and smacks the main perpetrator of the incident full in the face, giving Ant time enough to grab a bucket in defence of himself.
In her office at the Health Club, Jacqui writes out a cheque and hands it to Sol.
‘Thanks,’ quips Sol, jokingly, ‘It’s a pleasure doing business with you.’ And he turns to leave the room.
‘Well, I thought so too,’ replies Jacqui, sarcastically, ‘until Friday.’
Sol apologises again about Lyn’s call. He should have left word with Jacqui about his whereabouts.
Yes, says Jacqui shortly, he should have. And she pauses, inviting an explanation, which isn’t forthcoming from Sol.
It’s a complicated matter, he mutters.
Jacqui rejoinders that she had to lie for him, and he didn’t even have the common courtesy to ask her for a day off. Once is enough, she warns, if he continues to swing the lead like that, he can sling his hook.
Back at Brookie Comp, the red-headed Scouse science teacher has been summoned to the fracas that’s taken place in the boys’ loo between Antony and the other boys. Ant stands defensively in the door of the cubicle, soaking wet and clutching a pail to his chest.
The teacher demands to know what happened. The lad whom Ant hits, speaks first, alleging that Antony attacked them without provocation.
‘Then why is it that he’s drenched and the rest of you are dry?’ Asks the teacher, who’s particularly street-suss.
She asks Antony to tell her what happened, but Antony remains silent. The teacher glances over her shoulder at the other lads, ordering them off to Mrs Plummer’s office and detention.
When the lads have gone, Antony says that they stuck his head in the loo.
After having been ticked off by Jacqui at the Health Club, Sol is literally hanging over the reception desk, openly wasting time with Sammy. Sammy, sneeringly, asks Sol if ‘she’ gave him a hard time.
Sol, thinking Sammy is referring to Jacqui, admits as much and starts to complain about her employer.
‘I meant "wifey" not Jacqui Dixon,’ coos Sammy, as Katie and Louise, about to go swimming, appear in reception, at the same time as Jacqui emerges from her office, and Sammy and Sol jump apart from each other.
Tactfully asking Louise to help Sammy with some minor matter, Jacqui takes Katie aside. She’s concerned about the standard of conduct existing between Sammy and Sol. She tells Katie that she’s suspicious of the fact that both Sammy and Sol coincidentally had a day off on Friday, especially since Sol had said nothing about it to her and she spent the day having to field frantic telephone calls from Sol’s wife about his whereabouts.
Katie informs Jacqui that Sammy was supposed to be in London that Friday, seeing Richard, but Jacqui is sceptical about this. Katie suggests that Jacqui ask to see Sammy’s rail ticket, but Jacqui scoffs at that suggestion, saying that that would prove nothing.
A little late off the mark, Katie remarks that Jacqui seems a bit on edge, and asks if Jacqui’s told Ron about her pregnancy since his return.
Jacqui takes the opportunity to briefly mention Katie’s encounter with Ron the previous day, and to say that she hadn’t told him she was pregnant, and she would greatly appreciate it if no one else told him either.
Katie maintains that she wouldn’t stoop that low.
‘As if,’ growls Jacqui, eyeing her best friend and worst enemy with obvious suspicion.
Tim and Jimmy stand outside Hotel Corkhill, dismally examining the massive mound of builders’ waste that Tim had collected that morning. Tim wails that no one told him that amenity tips wouldn’t accept builders’ waste. Jimmy admits that builders’ waste does often cause a distribution problem.
Tim makes another free publicity remark about another Channel 4 show, The Sopranos, and as he glances toward the empty Johnson house, not really owned by Mick Johnson, but sold by him as another grey area of Brookside inconsistency, Tim suddenly has an idea.
Ron enters the Health Club, only to be confronted by an enormous female rear end, upended toward him and clad in a lime-green bathing suit. Recognising the arse immediately, Ron bids hello to Leanne and passes her by.
Leanne cockily proceeds to the reception desk to be admitted to the pool. Jacqui is surprised that Leanne has membership in the Health Club and, accordingly, she rounds on Sol. ‘I suppose this is down to you as well,’ she shouts, as Leanne complains loudly about slack customer procedure.
Jessie has dropped by Hotel Corkhill, to find Nikki busy leaving a message for someone on the telephone. As she greets her grandmother, she tells Jessie that she had called the bingo club in order to leave a message for Jerome. Jessie admits that she might be paying the Club a visit later, as Jimmy emerges from the extension, passing through and booming ‘HELLO’ to Jessie.
After Jimmy’s passed through, Jessie sits at the Corkhill table with Nikki and asks her granddaughter if it would be such a bad thing if Jerome never got in touch. The last thing Nikki needed on her plate at the moment was men and their lies. Jess has had her fill of such things, with Ray, Jerome, and even Greg, Nikki’s father. Maybe Nikki was better off without him.
Nikki maintains stolidly that she HAS to forgive Jerome. She has to, or else the couple wouldn’t stand a chance of a future together. She has to forgive him, the same way Jerome has to forgive her, for caving into Jessie’s demands that the couple take a minimum of the insurance money. This last bit is an unnecessary jab at Jessie.
Jessie eyes Nikki critically, but with concern. Is Nikki absolutely certain that this Home Support thing she’s initiated with Jimmy REALLY the sensible thing to do at the moment?
Nikki, basking in over-confidence, assures Jessie that she and Jimmy will be fine.
But, Jessie points out, realistically, Jimmy is ill, and Nikki has to realise that with his type of illness, it isn’t just a question of Nikki kissing it better. Caring for Jimmy will mean lots of responsibility for Nikki, she warns.
Nikki brags that she’s capable of anything to which she sets her mind.
Jacqui has greeted Ron and takes him poolside, where he and Jacqui sit at a table, whilst Leanne effortlessly swims laps in the pool. Jacqui tells Ron that Max has been a bit down lately, as it’s been five years this week since Matthew and Emily died.
Ron muses about how hard it is to lose one child; it must be devastating to lose two. Then he remarks on how tired Jacqui looks.
She admits to being tired looking after the Health Club and the bar, but says that Rachel is the one doing the really hard work, looking after the children.
Ron agrees that Rachel is a good kid, and then he takes out his prison card and lays it on the table in front of Jacqui. He explains to her what it is and why he wants to keep it as a memento of the hand of cards life sometimes deals a person. Looking Jacqui seriously in the eye, Ron admits that if he had had to spend more than four months in prison, he would have committed suicide.
Leanne, meanwhile, has removed herself from the pool and marched upstairs to The Shelf, where, dripping wet, she pounces on Max as he’s about to serve some customers.
The diners are offended at the sight of Leanne, straight from the pool, and Max succinctly reminds her that the restaurant does have a dress code, which means ‘Wear one’ and orders her from the premises. Leanne narkily admits that she’s only popped up to the restaurant in order to thank Max for giving Lance the maitre d’s job; and whilst she thought of it, she’d just say cheers to Lady Farnham for offering Lance the job as well.
Max hastily stops her, grabbing her by the arm. Oh, surmises Leanne, so Jacqui doesn’t know yet? Well, it would be down to Leanne to tell her then, wouldn’t it, especially as she had to have a word with her anyway about compensation owed.
Max scoffs at the idea of Leanne seeking compensation. Why, he’s just watched her swim ten laps of the pool. Leanne falters for a moment, saying that her doctor encouraged her to swim as a means of physiotherapy.
Anyway, Max continues, as far as the alleged compensation was concerned, Leanne’s beef was with Bev, nothing to do with Jacqui.
‘My beef is with the owner of the BAR,’ states Leanne, emphatically. Then she points to the poolside area where Jacqui is seen clinging tearfully to Ron. The murderer come home’s upset Lady Farnham, she says derisively, as Max hurries to Jacqui’s side, with concern.
Poolside, Jacqui tearfully tells Ron that she would never have forgiven him if he’d committed suicide. He must promise, promise her that he wouldn’t think of such a thing again.
Back on the Close, Tim sets about shifting the builders’ waste onto the Johnson property.
Antony, accompanied by Adele, is perparing to leave school, when the red-headed Scouse science teacher runs into them. She tells the two that they are to go straight home, and Antony is not to forget his science project due on Friday. In fact, a few quiet nights in, might be just what he needed.
As she leaves and Adele skips down the stairs, the girl brags that when she gets to Ayia Napa, she’s going to have anything but quiet nights. It’s all about getting blitzed for Adele, she brags as she runs ahead of Antony.
Ron has left the Health Club, and now Max sits by a distraught Jacqui’s side at the pool. Jacqui wails about her predicament. The woman who broke up her parents’ marriage, she moans, is now working for her as her manager at the bar; the woman who tried to break up her own marriage is now working for her on reception at the Health Club, and the woman who tried to blind her has just taken out membership at the club. She’s surrounded by people such as this.
Max looks at Jacqui guiltily. That’s not all, he admits. Max confesses that he’s given Lance a job as maitre d’ at The Shelf. Upon hearing this, Jacqui is absolutely disgusted.
Max argues that Leanne and Lance are as different as chalk and cheese.
‘Oh, aye,’ says Jacqui, ‘I know he’s dead personable and friendly to just about everybody - everybody boot me.’ (She’s right. I hope Max encourages Lance to apologise to Jacqui regarding some of the things he said about her last year). Finally, however, she’s forced to concede that mayb hiring Lance would free Max to spend some time with his grumpy wife.
Max corrects her - grumpy wife AND kids.
Ron returns back to the Close to find Jimmy standing in front of Hotel Corkhill, watching Tim busily shift the builders’ waste onto the Johnson property. The two older men exchange glances, as Jimmy warns Ron not to even ask what Tim’s doing.
Ron affirms that he isn’t about to ask. The last thing he needs, he says, is trouble with neighbours.
Jimmy apologises to Ron about barging in on his homecoming the day Ron returned. Truth is, Jimmy was just let out of a prison of sorts, himself.
But, says Ron, the difference is that Jimmy had committed no crime this time. Jimmy hadn’t shot anyone.
At that minute, a smart car pulls up in front of the Johnson property, and Tim rushes forward to meet the well-dressed skinhead who emerges from the car.
Ant and Adele return to Sitcom House to let themselves in. Before entering, Ant turns to his sister and vows that he’s never going to be buried again.
Adele demands to know what happened with Ant at school that day, to merit that sort of ticking off by the science teacher. Ant maintains tha tnothing happened, but vows again that he’s never going to be bullied again.
Jacqui has taken the hint Max has made about the baby, and starts another baby whinge to Max. She’s not moaning, she declares, when - of course - we know that she is.
But, Max points out, she’s not answering any questions about the baby either. In fact, he thinks she’s trying to avoid referring to it.
Jacqui admits that, as the pregnancy was unplanned and - therefore - out of her control, she feels that it’s taking over her life, growing and growing inside her. She reiterates that she’s afraid of being pregnant. It’s not like the last time (no £30k at the end), and she wasn’t sure.
As Tim blarnies with the rep in the background, Ron and Jimmy continue to talk. Jimmy asks Ron how he got on in prison. Ron says he tried to keep a low profile and just get on, but he couldn’t help drawing attention to himself. For every screw who thought Ron should have a halo, there were other cons who thought him the scum of the earth.
And since he’s come home, he confesses, Ron feels like a man living on borrowed time.
Jimmy warns Ron that he doesn’t want to start feeling like that. Those sorts of sentiments only lead to the nuthouse, he says. Just like what happened with him, he muses. Jimmy wouldn’t play ball with the medical authorities and what happened? The locked him up and sedated him. They arrested him for allegedly beating up a bizzie.
Well, Ron surmises, for Jimmy that sort of thing was a colourful anecdote. For Ron, it was a nightmare, a horror story. In fact, Ron bets Jimmy was made up that Ron went to prison.
Jimmy maintains that he wasn’t at all. He was worried about Ron, worried about how he would cope with the shame he’d face when he came out, because shame will do a person down.
At that moment, the rep shakes hands with Tim and departs and Tim joins the two older men. Jimmy asks who the man was, and Tim replies that it was an estate agent.
Ron asks if the estate agent suspected Tim of anything, seeing him shifting stuff about the Johnson property like that.
Ah, brags Tim, but he could sell coals to Newcastle. He only told the estate agent that he was being paid to shift waste FROM the property. And the estate agent bought the tale, Tim laughs.
Back at the Health Club, Max and Jacqui are having yet ANOTHER heart-to-heart about the impending baby, this time poolside.
Now is not a good time to be pregnant, Jacqui reiterates. Not now, of all times, it’s awful. And then the thought of dealing with three small children. Why, Jacqui points out, look at Rachel. Rachel handles Harry and Emma wonderfully. Jacqui couldn’t even do that.
Max makes the point yet again about getting professional child care to help Jacqui.
It still didn’t alter the fact that Jacqui has to face this pregnancy every morning she wakens, she wails. Just to think of it - she was getting on fine and now, all of a sudden, she’s involved in a nine-month countdown. She feels invaded, taken over.
Max tries to soothe her, saying that a lot of women feel that way in the early stages of pregnancy - Patricia did and so did Susannah.
But it’s different with Jacqui, she says. To have a baby now, she says, would be like taking a step backward. Jacqui would feel as though she were missing out on something. She simply didn’t want to be pregnant. Not now, maybe not ever.
The camera pans slowly in on Max’s crestfallen face.
HOORAY! Carmel Morgan wrote this. More please.
Summary © 2002 Marion Watts
Brookside and all related materials are © Mersey Television 1982-2002