Yawn! Stretch. Hmmmmm ... Brookside? What? That still on Channel 4? Thought that ended ages ago?
Sadly, that’s the general apathetic attitude of the majority of people who either don’t watch Brookside, have never watched it or have turned off in disgust between 1997 and 2001. And it’s no wonder. Two weeks ago, we had the best episodes in the programme’s recent history. It was a story about death, but it appeared to be the rebirth of the programme as what it was originally intended to be. And what happened? Did it build on that strength? Are viewers mesmerised? Is eveyone talking about Imelda’s death, the whereabouts of her body, what might happen to Antony if his act is discovered (and it will be)?
No.
People are talking about Mel leaving on Eastenders or who the father of Maxine’s baby is on Coronation Street. Do people, apart from it’s paltry amount of viewers, really care about Brookside? Does Channel 4? I wonder.
I’ve been calling for axings, and I still think there should be a few, but my compadre on Brooksider, Annabelle, has been calling for an increase in cast size ... And I’m the first to admit that, she’s right.
People moan endlessly about Brookside’s propensity for overlong storylines, but in actual fact, the show’s storylines are no longer than the major storylines on other soaps. Look at Eastenders 1999 as opposed to Brookside 1999. Brookside 1999 became the Lindsey and Nikki Show. Eastenders started a storyline with the killing of Saskia on Valentine’s Day that ran continuously until January of the next year. Yet that year, Eastenders swept the Soap Awards and Brookside got slated. Why?
Because Eastenders had the wherewithal, in having a larger cast, to back-burner the Saskia line for weeks at a time, lulling the viewers into a sense of security. It concentrated on other issues, and knew exactly when it was time to roll out Saskia again. The result? A BRILLIANT storyline and awards and plaudits all around.
Brookside alternated between Nikki and Lindsey, Nikki and Lindsey, Nikki screeching, Lindsey bullying, Nikki drinking, Lindsey selling drooks. Result? We rooted for the rapist and turned off Claire Sweeney.
Now Eastenders is doing it again with the Trevor and Mo line. It’s been out of commission for weeks now, whilst the show concentrated on other lines, but now it’s time for it to be resurrected, just in time for Mel’s departure, which also effectively closes the ‘Who Shot Phil’ line that’s been undercurrent since last April. Because there’s ONE person in the Square who still doesn’t know who shot Phil, and this week LISA confesses to MEL.
Clever? Yes. It puts bums on seats and gets people talking. It wins awards.
So, Brookside needs new faces, lots of new faces, if only to give us an occasional break from the old. Then we wouldn’t notice how storylines drone on and on. Then maybe people would start talking about the show and turning it on again.
I’d like to see this discussed on Brookside, Soapbox and even the Official Forum, if it can be done so intelligently.
But I still think Jimmy and Katie should be axed.
Easter Sunday Morning, Brookside Close and The Parade.
At Chateau Farnham, young Mrs Farnham reclines prettily on the sofa in the Farnham lounge, dressed in her pristine white nightie and matching dressing gown. As the camera closes in on her face, we see she’s been silently weeping. The camera pans down her body and we see her hands are clasped protectively around her tummy.
At Sitcom House, Antichrist Ant, who’s really done an antichrist act now, lies wide awake in his bed.
At NNT on The Parade, poor, pitiful, drunken, smelly, greasy, pukey, filthy Katie lies rotten and sodden in her bed. She’s awakened by the sounds of more drunken whooping and laughter from the area of the lounge, and we hear in the distance the blowsy tones of Sammy and Nisha, who must have been up doing ‘serious drinking’ all night.
Back at Sitcom House, Plank makes an appearance, to inform his mother he’s finished painting the repaired hole in the lounge wall. Dire is concerned that Antony’s still asleep. After all, it’s Easter Sunday, and normally he’d be up by now inspecting the Easter egg he’d received.
Noticing Plank’s handywork, Dire compliments him on it, remarking that he’s better at that sort of thing that Marty, which is surprising, since Marty’s a caretaker.
Marty enters just in time to hear this remark and Dire quips that he’d best keep to cutting the grass in the future. Marty is also concerned that Ant hasn’t put in an appearance.
By now the rest of the Farnham family have risen and dressed, and the kids are examining their Easter eggs in the lounge with Max and Jacqui. Max, however, isn’t the least bit concerned about the children’s big day; he wants to discuss further the meaning of Jacqui’s revelation from the previous evening that she didn’t want the baby. He simply doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to have their child.
The kids are pretty boisterous, and Jacqui, who’s becoming a dab hand at avoiding the issue, uses this as a good excuse to palm Max off. She can’t talk about this now, she says; she has to deal with Harry and Emma.
But Max insists that they broach the subject now. After all, as he’d said before, they were financially secure and had no money problems.
Jacqui, backed into a corner, tackles it head-on, as she stands in the kitchen. Right. Max wanted to talk about her feelings. They would do so. Right here and now.
Now, it’s Max’s turn to fudge the issue, as he does a U-turn. Well, he couldn’t talk about it RIGHT now. He was due down at The Shelf shortly in order to interview a prospective member of staff.
Jacqui snorts dismissively. It’s Easter Sunday, she remarks. An unusual time for an interview.
Max says that it’s the only time this candidate could make the appointment, as Jacqui is further distracted by the misbehaving children.
Nisha and Sammy are enjoying a drunken gossip, when poor, pitiful, miserable, hateful, stinking Katie stumbles into the room. Sammy laughs and remarks that Katie appears to have recovered from the previous night.
‘Do youse two have any idea what time of the morning it is?’ Sour-faced Katie demands. She glances deprecatingly around the room. The place looked like a tip.
Nisha giggles inanely and whispers to Sammy that someone isn’t a happy Easter Bunny this morning.
Katie continues ranting, calling the place a pigsty. How could they live like this?
The two women rise and announce that they are off to sleep off their night’s drinking.
Katie insists that they both get some coffee down their gullets and get the place sorted out, but like so many people who matter, the two don’t give Katie a blind bit of notice and saunter off to bed.
Katie shouts imperiously after Sammy, telling her that it’s 9:30 in the morning. Sammy announces that she’s going to bed.
The prospective candidate for employment at The Shelf is none other than Lance, but it’s a conservatively booted and suited Lance who’s meeting Max. Max apologises for having to see Lance on Easter Sunday, but admits that if certain people knew he was interviewing Lance, it would open up a veritable Pandora’s Box of troubles. Lance thanks Max for seeing him.
Max asks why Lance is leaving his current place of employment, as he was given to understand that Lance was happy there. Well, Lance begins, things have gone from bad to worse since the Head Waiter left; in fact, Lance had been standing in for him since he’d left. But the restaurant, itself, was closing. Lance lowers his voice. Actually, he tells Max, the owner and his wife were divorcing. That’s often the trouble with family businesses, he says, confidentially.
Max looks noticeably uncomfortable at that last remark and moves the interview on to ascertain that Lance has actually taken a course for maitre d’. At first, he says, he didn’t take the course seriously, but now he finds it quite interesting. Max remarks that Lance comes very highly recommended by Bev and asks to see his references.
Meanwhile, back at Chateau Farnham, Mike and Rachel have arrived with Easter egg gifts for Harry and Emma. The kids are given their presents and promptly sent upstairs by Jacqui. Mike remarks that he will be glad to see Ron when he’s released on Friday.
Jacqui raises her expressive eyebrows sceptically and asks Mike when he’s going to get around to telling Ron that he’s got lodgers at Number 8.
Mike counters by asking if she’s bothered to tell Ron yet that his business is now little more than a hobby. He then says that he’ll probably tell Ron about Jessie and Ray when they were on their way back from the prison ... Right after Jacqui’s told Ron about her new baby, he adds, just so’s Ron’s in a good frame of mind.
Jacqui says she doesn’t plan on telling Ron about the baby just yet, and she’d appreciate it if Mike didn’t mention anything about it either.
Mike demands to know why his sister’s pregnancy must be kept a secret.
Jacqui waffles about it being bad luck to tell anyone before twelve weeks had passed, and changes the subject abruptly. She’s got Beth’s Easter egg upstairs. Where IS Beth?
Rachel replies that Beth’s gone for a walk with Ray and Jessie, as Jacqui exits upstairs to look out the egg.
Mike and Rachel, left alone, make themselves at home and speculate about Jacqui’s reluctance to discuss her pregnancy. Rachel asks Mike if he thinks Jacqui might get rid of the baby.
Ron would kill her if she did, Mike remarks, flippantly. Anyway, maybe she’d try to flog another one.
(Cue Witch’s Music from The Wizard of Oz: Do-de-do-de-do-do-doooooo). The doorbell rings at the Murrays’ and Marty, on his way out to do a chore outside, answers it to admit the family’s own Witch-in-Residence, Brigid. She stiffly greets Marty, as she steps inside.
Plank is seated on the sitcom sofa watching some early morning rubbish on television, as Dire steps from the sitcom kitchen to remind him that dinner would be at twelve noon sharp. Plank is scoffing Easter chocolate and cheekily offers Brigid some, knowing that she will refuse.
Brigid, as expected, primly wrinkles her nose, piously telling Plank that Lent wasn’t over, in her opinion, until she’d heard Easter Mass. As the two women prepare to go to Mass, Ant comes downstairs to accompany them.
Realising that his younger brother is about to resume attendance at Mass, Plank cries out in protest. Brigid silences him, by saying that Antony is attending of his own free choice. As they leave by the front door, Antony turns to give Plank an apologetic backward glance.
Outside, Marty, also, is shocked by the fact that Ant is going to Church with the two harpies. Marty stops the lad and asks him point-blank why he’s going. He wants to know if the lad’s had his arm twisted by either his mother or his grandmother.
Brigid pushes herself roughly between Marty and Ant, informing the hapless man that it was Antony’s own decision to attend Mass that day. At least, she says, cuttingly, Antony has the decency to celebrate the most important day of the Church calendar.
Marty looks, sadly, defeated, once again.
Max and Lance are continuing their interview, with Max telling Lance that, at the moment, there were no vacancies as such at The Shelf. Glancing at Lance’s CV, Max thinks aloud, then, saying that Lance, of course, could always start as a waiter, but he does realise that Lance has trained to be a maitre d’.
Lance expounds on his training. He’d always thought of maitres d’ as pompous sorts full of their own self-importance, but having taken the course, he says, he realises that it’s these people who keep the restaurant ticking over, making sure it’s busy, but not over-crowded, to anticipate the diners needs et al, make them feel comfortable.
Maxi is impressed with Lance’s analysis of the job, and tells him he’d like to see Lance do that when he’s ready. Just then, Max’s mobile rings and Max takes the call. He immediately assumes a concerned tone, and the viewers are led to believe that it’s Jacqui, and that she’s having a sort of mini-crisis. Max finishes the call, promising to come home right away; and he turns to tell Max that he’s been called home. He asks Lance to wait and promises he’ll return as quickly as possible to finish the interview.
As organ music swells in the background, Dire, Brigid, and Antony approach the church. Antony stands outside with them before going in, staring at the imposing stained glass window in front. The three enter the church, Brigid and Dire ostentatiously genuflect before sitting down and Brigid kneels to pray. Ant, however, sits down warily and glances apprehensively around. He’s seen to glance briefly at an icon and a statue, before his eyes come to rest on a carving of one of the Stations of the Cross, the one where Christ is being nailed to the cross. Somehow, in Ant’s mind, the hammer in the carving seems oddly emphasised.
Suddenly Ant rises in his seat, pushes past a startled Brigid and dashes out, shouting to Dire over his shoulder that he feels sick and he’s going home. She runs after him, but by the time she reaches the Church door, Ant has disappeared from view.
Max has arrived home to find a shaken and tearful Jacqui waiting for him. Max tries to calm her weeping, by reassuring her that everything would be all right. The two of them were financially secure enough to deal with another child (oh, if only it were that simple, you idiotic man).
Jacqui counters by saying that it’s all right for Max; HE wanted her to be a full-time mother.
Max replies that he thought that’s what Jacqui originally wanted, but Jacqui says that now she feels that she has no choice. Max reminds her that the pair of them had originally wanted another child too; they’d discussed as much on honeymoon. It’s just happened a little sooner than expected, that’s all. All it would mean was that Jacqui would take 6 months to a year off and then go back to work. There would be no problem.
But Jacqui protests that she doesn’t want the baby ... Not now, at least.
Plank plonks outside Sitcom House to find Marty hard at work at his chores. Plank suggests that he and his dad share a pint before dinner. Marty is about to agree, when Antony suddenly appears. Marty asks what the lad’s doing home from Church so early, and Antony replies that he changed his min, after he got inside.He just walked out, he explains to Marty, matter-of-factly.
‘Nice one,’ quips Plank, approvingly, whilst Marty reckons woefully that they’ve not heard the last of this one.
Katie is trying to tidy up NNT, when Louise appears, asking Katie if Sammy were up yet. Katie tells Louise that her mother was up until very late last night.
‘Drunk again?’ Remarks Louise, tonelessly, as if that were to be expected. And Nisha was just as bad, she says primly.
Thinking on her feet, Katie picks up the large, posh Easter Egg she’d originally bought for Sammy and hands it to Louise, telling the girl that at least her mother had remembered to get her an Easter egg. Louise smiles happily, announcing that she’s going to pig out on chocolate, as she starts to open the box.
At that moment, Sammy blearily sways into the room, visibly hung over. She apologises to Katie about the state of the place, but gets scant sympathy from her sister. Katie immediately starts a tirade about the general filth of the place. There were bits of half-eaten pizza all over the place. Sammy, it transpires, can’t even remember ordering pizza.
Just look at this mess, Katie complains, in her annoying, whining voice, that would give anyone a headache. It’s not fair on Louise to live like this, she says.
Suddenly, Sammy is aware of the fact that her daughter is sitting at the table nearby. She sees the nice Easter egg the child has and asks the Ratchild where she got the egg.
Louise, realising that Katie had told her a porky pie, dashes the box containing the egg onto the table and flounces off to her room.
Katie hisses that she originally bought that egg to give as a present to Sammy, but once she realised that Sammy hadn’t bothered to buy Louise an Easter egg, she gave it to the Ratchild.
Sammy says defensively that she forgot today was Easter and remarks upon Katie getting weepy the night before and ran out of the room. (OOOOH, a bit of discontinuity here! Did Brookside film two scenes and use the wrong one? As I recall, Katie passed out the night before and was hauled off to bed unconscious by Nisha and Sammy so they could begin some ‘serious drinking’. Major faux pas, that one!)
Katie ignores the jibe and again starts a rant about how much of a pigsty the flat had become. As a matter of fact, it had been that way since Sammy arrived.
The two Rent-A-Catholics have returned from Mass, and Brigid graciously consents to the family opening their Easter Eggs, as Lent was now officially over. Although she doesn’t know how Antony can even open his, after his performance at Mass, she remarks bitchily, as she and Dire sit around the sitcom table. She asks Dire if Antony had explained to her the reason for running out like that.
Dire says that the lad had apologised. He suddenly didn’t feel well.
Brigid pronounces that Dire is too soft with the lad. Why, he made a right show of himself in Church. And the priest surely noticed.
Sammy has struggled into getting dressed, as Louise approaches her again. She wants to know if the two of them can have a day out the next week. Sammy, putting on her slap in - where else? - the lounge, apologises gently to her daughter, explaining that she has to work next week. Anyway, she soothes, there’ll be other holidays, and she and Louise will plan something then.
Louise is brushed off with a sour face at that pie-crust promise and skulks off into her room. (Er, how many bedrooms does Nisha’s flat have? FOUR?)
When the child’s gone, Sammy asks Katie what shift she’s working at the clinic this week, whether she’s on days or lates. Sammy explains that she’s got to go to London on Friday to see Richard. It’s all been arranged. She has to go to London in order to collect some personal items from their home there. Sammy wants to know if Katie will be available to babysit Louise that day.
Katie remarks that perhaps Louise might like to go to London with Sammy.
Sammy ignores that remark, saying that there was a marble chess set that Richard had given her. She wanted to get that, as she reckoned she could sell it for a pretty price.
Katie replies that she isn’t sure she could be available to stay with Louise that day, but Sammy pours on the charm. Katie is the blue-eyed girl currently at the clinic, she says. She begs Katie to reconsider.
Katie relents, but stipulates one condition - that Sammy clean the flat from top to bottom. Sammy promises profusely, but Katie eyes her suspiciously.
Max still tries to allay Jacqui’s fears. He suggests that Jacqui could still be a full-time mother AND have professional help with the children as well. PROPER professional help, not just Rachel, he says.
But, Jacqui cries, how can she possibly get the bar up and running AND look after a baby?
‘DAMN the bar!’ Explodes Max. It’s time Jacqui accepted the fact that she was pregnant and put the baby before the bar and the proposed creche. It’s time Jacqui got her head around the fact that she was having a new baby and not build a barrier about it.
But Max doesn’t understand, weeps Jacqui, prettily.
Max promises her that Bev would be available to manage the bar, as planned. After all, it wouldn’t be something Bev would need to be trained in. She’d run the bar before.
But Jacqui continues to protest. Having this baby would mean that she’d have three children at home, all under the age of five as well as two businesses. She’s becoming increasingly hysterical. Look at her, she cries. Sol manages her Health Club business, but she can’t even manage two kids. Businesses are easy, she wails, kids aren’t. (Well, whoop-de-do! She finally realises that!)
She continues, saying that she feels guilty for feeling that way, but she’s scared to death.
Max tries to calm her by saying that he realises that she was catapulted into instant motherhood -
But Susannah was a proper mother, Jacqui interrupts, and SHE lost it with the kids. She, Jacqui, didn’t want to be stressed out and a failure as a mother. SHE didn’t want to lose it. (This is Mrs Control, remember?)
Max, with the wisdom of his years, but not his actions, tells her patiently that he understands what a huge responsibility she’s taken on; but she has to adjust to this. She has to calm down and think about this situation.
Even though it’s Easter Sunday, somewhere in Liverpool there are some shops open, because Bev and Josh are just alighting from a Mersey Mover bus, when they run into Rachel in The Parade.Bev explains that the two of them have just been to town to buy Josh some trainers, and they’ve had to rush back here, only to dash out again because Josh wants to go to the pictures.
Rachel makes a joke about Bev living in the fast lane, and Bev begins a tirade about being kept so busy getting the bar up to scratch for Jacqui. She now has a problem arranging child care for Josh, as Jacqui won’t allow the boy to come into the bar during her shift. Suddenly, an idea occurs to Bev. Er, would Rachel mind looking after -
Rachel interrupts her abruptly. She’d love to help, but she was already looking after Harry and Emma.
Bev’s deflated. She’ll just have to make other arrangements. After all, a job was a job, and she was stuck with Jacqui.
Antony sits in the sitcom lounge, toying with his Easter chocolate. Plank plonks himself on the arm of Ant’s chair and pinches some chocolate. Because Antony doesn’t raise a ruckus, he knows something’s bothering the boy. He encourages Antony not to let Dire and Brigid pester him too much about church. If Ant wanted to know the truty, Plank was glad the lad had spewed it and left.
Ant abruptly asks Plank if he believes in ghosts.
Inside sitcom kitchen, Dire, Brigid and Marty sit around the sitcom table, discussing Antony’s curious behaviour at church. Brigid reckons it’s all down to that Imelda Clough.
Marty scoffs, but agrees. It’s as though the boy felt that he had to do some weird sort of penance for what Imelda had done to him. All down to that Catholic stuff he’s been fed, Marty huffs, disgustedly.#
Dire thinks about this and admits that Antony has always had a propensity to want to feel guilty about something. (And this is normal? Good job, Dire. You’ve won Catholic Mother of the Year).
Well, Marty remarks, he reckons Imelda Clough’s doing a runner was the best thing to happen to Ant forever. They should be celebrating.
Upstairs, to the eerie strains of religious organ music, Ant lies on his bed in a welter of confused guilt.
Early in the afternoon, Nisha finally crawls from her lair, only to be met by poor, pitiful Katie, haranguing her in thay awful whiney voice. Nisha was as bad as Sammy. Did she realise it was after 2PM?
Nisha brushes her aside, saying that she needed an outlet for her stress from her impending exams.
Stress? Shrieks Katie. Stess is this place being a mess.
Nisha blearily apologises, saying that the previous night was meant to cheer everyone up.
Cheer up! Cries poor, pitiful Katie. Didn’t Nisha realise that Ron Dixon was being released from prison on Friday?!!!
Max is on the phone with a call from The Shelf, explaining to the person on the other end that he wouldn’t be able to finish the interview today. He asks that the candidate be told that Max would get back to him about rearranging another time.
Hearing the phone call and feeling guilty, Jacqui apologises. She’s sorry, but she can’t help it. She simply wants the pregnancy to go away. She can’t cope with it now.
Max encourages her to tell him truthfully what she wants to say. Whatever she wants to do, he promises he’ll support her. Max asks her outright if she wants to have an abortion.
Jacqui begins to cry, and exclaims that she can’t have an abortion, ending with a heart-rending ‘Omigod!’
Max’s face is another picture of concern.
Barry Woodward wrote this.
Summary © 2002 Marion Watts
Brookside and all related materials are © Mersey Television 1982-2002