First of all, let me apologise for the abbreviated form of the summaries this week. I was the last in my household of three kids and a husband to succumb to the flu virus rampant in the Southeast at the moment and I got it worse than anyone of them. So I had to sit through a mediocre week of Brookside (at best) in a semi-comatose state and actually slept through a great deal of Thursday’s episode, which will mostly be glossed over anyway.
I had thought to watch the Omnibus, but I was deemed by my other half to be fit enough to ferry the tribe to and from local football duties, so I missed a great deal of the second episode again.
My sincerest apologies and after this week, the summaries should be up to standard again - but just as a warning, my Cavalier King Charles spaniel is about to whelp at any moment so ...
The programme opens with a scene of a sad and empty Bev's Bar. The camera pans across the bar area and we hear a key in the door. Bev enters on her own, takes one long look around the place, clicks on the light and disappears into the storeroom behind the bar.
She emerges with a pail and a mop and marches resolutely stage left, determined to begin the clean-up job.
Upstairs in the flats, NNT, to be exact, it's chaos time. It's the Ratchild's first day at her new school and she's industriously ferreting about the flat in search of her school hat. Lady Muck, dressed and ready for her own job, is langourously munching a piece of toast.
Louise stops in despair, asking in anyone has seen her hat. (One wonders where Sammy and the Ratchild sleep).
Katie stops in the middle of this pandemonium to suggest that Louise look in her room. She also asks Sammy if Sammy plans on going with Louise on her first day at school.
Oh no, Sammy replies. But she's arranged taxis to ferry Louise there and back for the first two weeks.
Louise stops en route to look for the hat and takes up this plea. She wants Sammy to go with her for the first day.
Sammy patiently explains to Louise that she can't go with her on the first day. She's being watched like a hawk at work by both Sol and Jacqui Farnham; and either of them will pounce on her if she wrongfoots it in any way.
Katie tactfully sends Louise off to hunt for her hat, whilst she has a sisterly word with Sammy. Mincing no words, she lays into Sammy about what a terrible mother she is. How can she expect her only child to go off to a strange environment without her support? Why, she cared nothing at all about Louise! At best, Louise was a fashion accessory, to dress up and pamper like a toy doll. At worst, she was a nuisance to be shunted off to the first available private school.
Sammy plays the old record about Katie not understanding what life's been like for poor Sammy and Louise, the only reason Sammy took this job was so Louise could have a brilliant education, all the things Sammy never had ... Yadda yadda yadda.
Louise reappears, having found the atrocious hat, which looks like a grey felt upside-down pudding basin, tied under her chin. Once again, she asks Sammy if she's coming with her, but Sammy tries to apologise and say she's already late for work.
Suddenly Katie volunteers. She'll go with Louise for her first day. Sammy is puzzled. Doesn't Katie have to be at work too? Tough, says Katie. She'll phone Nisha and tell her she's going to be late. Louise is more important.
Louise thinks it's cool that Katie's coming with her on her first day and offers to see if the taxi's shown up.
It looks as though the Dixon minors have again taken up residence at Number 8, along with Ray and Jessie. Rachel sits on the sofa, holding Beth, when Mike arrives from his night shift. Ray and Jess are phaffing about in the background.
Ray's been examining some of the damage the burst pipe has done to the Dixon wallpaper. He points out some of the stuff, coming away from the walls, to Mike. He tells Mike that he thinks he has some odd ends that should match Ron's decor, hidden away in his garage.
'Ray's good at hiding things,' pipes Jess, sarcastically.
Ray's wondering if it would be all right to start the papering today. Mike reckons it would be all right, because he's due to visit Ron in prison today.
Oooh, witters Rachel, dooes M-eye-ke have ter visit Ron in prison terday?
It's all been planned, Mike explains to his mentally challenged wife. With the Hiltons safely in the background, Rachel takes advantage of the privacy to show Mike the letter from the County Court that arrived in the morning post. They've been given a date for their re-assessment hearing.
Mike is optimistic. The judge must have read and taken note of the things Rachel told him in her letter - the fact that she'd lost her job etc.
Rachel shushes him, as Ray and Jessie are hovering. She doesn't want them to know about their debt, but she makes it known to Mike that she doesn't like them staying there either.
'Noother fif-teh quid a week wouldn't coom amiss, she grumbles.
Mike tells her that she's out of order. He can't start charging the elderly couple rent. They've been burned out of their home, he says. And it wouldn't look right, Jacqui giving them £500 and then Mike asking for rent. Besides, they were friends of Ron, who wouldn't dream of doing such a thing, himself.
Rachel is left to do her party piece of shaking her head, pursing her lips and blinking her eyes, looking more and more like a young Janice Battersby.
Bev has now moved onto cleaning the loos at the bar. She takes a deep breath and, with bucket and brush, enters the first cubicle to tackle the job. But she's driven back., coughing and gagging by the stench and the sight of whatever lies in the cubicle.
Over at Hotel Corkhill, the post arrives through the door. As she collects the post, Dr Nikki, dressed in someone else's (Jackie's?) old bathrobe, hears the doorbell and opens the door to find Plank Murray plonked on the doorstep. Of course, he's come to see Dim. As he enters the lounge area where he finds his mate, Nikki comes in, opening a letter. It's from a video shop and it's the final warning for a video due back three weeks ago.
Jimmy the Sage announces that that tape's long melted by now. Just another debt that she couldn't pay, grumbles Nikki, as the two lads discuss in the background the left-over ale they have to flog. It's quite a lot of it.
Nikki is despairing of her debt, and Jimmy tries to jolly her, telling her that she should stick with her university degree, because then it will get her a high-flying job.
Jacqui has arrived at the Dixons', as she's going with Mike to visit Ron, and she stands with Rachel and Mike in the living room, discussing the visit. Jacqui wants to know if Mike is going to tell Ron about what's happened at the house, and Mike doesn't want to do so. Jacqui reminds him that Ron will only find out about the burst pipe when he gets home, but Mike needles her about whether or not she's prepared to tell Ron about winding up Great Grannies.
That's a different kettle of fish, Jacqui explains. Ron knew that Great Grannies was on the downslide before he went into prison. She doesn't want to worry him unnecessarily, but she thinks Mike should come clean about the house.
Ray interjects to tell the Dixons that he's found some matching wallpaper in the garage that he'd forgotten about. He'd get the stuff up whilst Mike was out.
Ray's good at conveniently forgetting things, quips Jessie.
Jacqui and Rachel exchange curious looks, as Mike remarks that the couple have been needling each other like that ever since Jessie moved in. Jessie calls out to Jacqui to give Ron their love, as she and Mike leave.
Later in the day, Nikki visits Jessie to give her the list of things she and Jerome have compiled for the insurance assessor. Jessie gives the list a disparaging look, but she suddenly spies Nikki eyeing her own list, showing the stocks and share certificates Jessie has, and she grabs the list from Nikki's hands in one fell swoop.
Over at Hotel Corkhill, Dim is making himself some soup. Jimmy is nagging at him about making a mess, and then starts to gab about Bev being back and getting the bar going again. Dim is intrigued. He thought she had no money.
Reckons she can get it up again by herself, says Jim. When she does, there ought to be plenty of bar work for them that's willing to do it.
Suddenly a thought occurs to Dim - she'll surely need ale! Dropping his saucepan of soup, Dim scurries out the front door.
He finds Bev, with mop and bucket, scrubbing down the floor of the main bar. Dim coyly tells her about his stockpile of ale. It might do for getting the bar back on the right track, he suggests.
Bev is intrigued, but without stopping her chore of mopping, she informs Dim that she'll have 5 bottles of vodka, the same of gin, several bottles of rum, so many of whiskey etc - as long as she can have them for 5 quid a bottle.
Dim is flabbergasted. Five quid! Why, he was thinking more along the lines of £7.50.
Bev is unimpressed. She was under the impression that Dim had nicked the lot from someplace and was trying to offload it on the cheap.
Well, yes, admits Dim. But he's giving her first refusal, like. He's got loads of better offers for it. How about £6.50?
Five quid and final offer, say Bev.
Dim decides to cut the deal.
He's later seen leaving the bar with the wedge of fivers Bev's given him.
As Jacqui and Mike wait, Ron is ushered into the prison visiting room. Jacqui greets him by showing him a photo she's taken of Harry, Beth and Emma sitting on the Farnham sofa. She mentions the fact that Harry's been asking after him.
Ron wants to know what she's told the kids, and Jacqui says that she and Max have told them that Ron's on holiday.
Ron goes on about having a lot of time on his hands and how he's been thinking and reassessing his life. After his experience in prison, he says, nothing could ever faze him again.
He asks how things are getting on at home.
Mike hesitates and says things are fine, that Ray and Jessie are staying for a bit until the bungalow is finished.
Jacqui nudges her brother and suggests that maybe he should tell Ron about what happened. Mike demurs. Ron is curious and wants to know what's going on. Mike tries to play the even down, but Ron insists on being told. He reiterates that after a spell in prison, nothing would ever seem important again.
Jacqui insists that Mike tell his father, so Mike begins tentatively. He was in the loft, messing about with the television aerial, he begins, when he accidentally stepped on a water pipe.
Mike stepped on a pipe, Ron repeats.
Yes, confirms Mike.
So, says Ron, is Mike saying that Number 8 suffered a burst?
Well, Mike reiterates, he stepped on this pipe ...
Did they have a burst? Ron questions again.
Finally, Mike admits that they did indeed have a burst pipe.
OK, says Ron, calmly, then what was soaked?
The bedroom, says Mike, as Ron groans ...
'And the living room,' Mike adds.
Ron explodes. What the bloody hell was Mike trying to do? It was bad enough that the day he wen to prison, Mike had the bloody bailiffs coming round the house, but now, as if that wasn't enough, the house was flooded! What had Mike done about that?
Well, Mike begins, stammeringly, he'd dehumidified the house, and there was some wallpaper that needed replacing.
Ron reminds Mike that the whole place had only just been decorated, and tells Mike in no uncertain terms that the house better be redone in exactly the same way Ron had left it when he returns to the Close, or Mike will swing for it.
Katie has deposited Louise and returns to face Sammy. She asks Sammy what arrangements she'd made for getting Louise to school. Well, says Lady Muck, who's returned home for lunch, she's arranged a taxi for the next two weeks, then after that Louise would have to take a bus.
Katie points out ot Sammy that the school was way across town, and that Louise would have to take two busses in order to get there and two busses on return. So? Sammy is unfazed. Katie forgets that Louise is a very mature child.
Katie is dubious.
When Mike returns from the prison, he's met by a worried Rachel. Ray has finished wallpapering, but the 'matching' paper he has found is a garish brocade print. Mike informs the Hiltons that Ron was less than pleased to find out about the flood and wanted the house exactly the way he left it. Jessie promises to make Ray take the wallpaper down, but Rachel tells her not to do that.
Rachel asks M-eye-ke what they're going to do.
Mike says that somehow they'll have to find the money to redecorate Ron's house. Oooh, says Rachel, angrily. She was t-eye-red of soof'ring because of M-eye-ke's bogus ploomin' n she was t-eye-red o'bein' skint!
It's now evening, and a solitary Bev walks along The Parade. She's met by Jimmy and his latest disciple, Dr Nikki, who follow her into the bar.
Bev remarks to Nikki that she's heard about the fire in the bungalow and understands that she and Jerome are staying at Jimmy's. Nikki replies that she got out of the fire with nothing but what she was standing up in; besides, she just got a cheque that day from Margi, so she could buy a few new things. Bev couldn't cash a cheque in Euros, could she? Nikki jokes.
Bev tells Nikki she should have come to her. Bev has a mountain of clothing upstairs she doesn't look twice at. Nikki was more than welcome to that. Nikki looks a bit dubious at that offer.
More to the point, Jimmy asks Bev when she plans on opening the bar. Who knows? Replies Bev. She's doing all this work herself. But open the bar, she would, if it killed her.
Well, asks Jim, where's her staff?
No staff, says Bev. Just her. Leanne had cleaned her out. She couldn't afford any staff.
Immediately, Jimmy volunteers both his and Nikki's unpaid assistance. Nikki is understandably reluctant. She needs a paying job.
But it will pay, says Bev, warming to the idea. All it needs is a couple of night's takings for her to be able to pay staff again. She'd be ever so grateful if Jimmy and Nikki would help her.
Nikki agrees and Bev immediately re-offers the girl the choice of her wardrobe upstairs. When did they want to start?
No time like the present, says Jim.
Now we arrive at the part I missed. I gather in the next episode, Dim and Plank head off for a car auction, where Plank manages to secure a van for a princely sum of £600 - of course, said vehicle is going to earn him a fortune as a mobile auto mechanic ,but I have yet to believe that Plank has heard of anything like VAT or the likes.
Adele keeps interfering with Dire and Marty's passionate moments in a ploy to get them to agree to let her go off on holiday with her mates.
Poor pitiful Nikki, wearing a ratty cardigan now, has reluctantly come to the conclusion that she can no longer remain at university, after having spent three successive years' worth of tuition fees sent her by Margi. So we're asked to feel sorry for this over-indulged daughter of a Brussels high flyer, whose mother can easily afford the tuition fees which have been sent to Nikki to be paid. (Er, why didn't Margi just send the payments directly to the university).
When she confesses her intentions to Emily, what does the orange-faced little slut do? Well, she cheers her sister up with a manicure, during which time she tells Nikki how lucky she is. She's doing a course that, upon its completion, will guarantee her a brilliant job. (MYTH. NO course does that, least of all a psych course. Nikki could set herself up as a bogus counsellor, plod onto grad school and get a Ph.D, or teach).
Look at Emily, Emily says. She's wasted all her morning in a lecture listening to some stupid cow go on about the structure of the hand - but if she hadn't done that, she points out, she'd never be able to give Nikki the manicure she's done. At least Nikki liked her course, which is more than Emily felt for hers.
Ray and Jessie are more than getting on Mike's and Rachel's nerves just a little - especially with their bickering during the day when Mike is trying to sleep. However, Jessie is now badgering Ray to invite Helen over for a meal, and she takes it upon herself to ask Rachel if there were going to be a day when Rachel would be out, when the Hiltons could have a friend over for lunch.
Rachel remarks that she's taking Beth to the swimming pool on Friday, but Mike would be asleep during the day. Jessie promises that it will be a quiet lunch, and - much to the chagrin of Ray - goes ahead with the plans.
Dire and Marty Murray are still trying to conceive naturally, and in one of the most tasteless scenes EVER in Brookside, we watch them copulate. They clutch each other's flabby, round and tubby bodies to the other and Dire growls that she still fancies Marty. Marty says he still fancies her. They roll around on the bed and then Dire asks Marty if he realises that it's not just for a baby that she's doing this. Marty can barely catch his breath, before they are at it under the covers like two prize pigs trying to fight their way out of a ginny sack!
Prior to the copulation scene, Adele had suggested to them that perhaps they needed a weekend away at a hotel or something. She and Plank were prepared to pay for the treat out of their wages (hers legitimate and his ill-gotten). Now there's a knock at the door and the two spring apart on the bed, assume a sitting up position on their respective pillows and grab hold of books they've been reading. Dire is left reading Dalgliesh's autobiography and Marty is left holding Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
Adele enters bearing a tray of hot chocolate and followed by Plank. They bring up the subject of the weekend away again, but Dire and Marty start nudge-nudging and wink-winking, so that by the time that Antony appears on the scene trying to cadge the hot chocolate, the three get the general idea that their parents want to bonk.
And I thought Brookside was better than this.
The following day, Dimily are in the lounge of Hotel Corkhill. Emily is trying to ring Nikki on her mobile, but it's apparent that Nikki doesn't have enough dosh to top up her phone. Emily remarks as such to Dim, who's unsympathetic to Nikki's plight.
Poor Nikki owes more than a grand in tuition fees, she wails.
So? Says Dim, who gives short shrift to students. People drop out of uni all the time, he says, because they don't like their course, or they're tired of studying or they miss their mummies and daddies. Nikki deserves the break, he reckons.
Emily isn't so sure. She tells Dim how dead proud (before he was dead) Greg was when Nikki got into university. She was getting this degree because she knew that's what her dad wanted.
Dim warns Emily that the money he's made from the ale heist won't last forever. He tells her about going to the car auction with Plank the previous day, when Plank bought his van. Dim was plainly impressed. Plank knew absolutely everything.
Well, says Emily, Plank IS a trained mechanic.
Not just that, Dim says. Plank knew all the legal jargon too. He was so clued up about what he wanted in life -
Emily interjects to assume that Plank's mobile garage is just going to be a front for some criminal activity, but Dim assures her that Plank is going straight. And as for him, why he hadn't a clue what to use as a front for his activities. It seems as if everyone was going places, except him.
Emily tries to cheer him up by saying that soon he would be earning his millions and they would have their swimming pool.
Jacqui Dixon is standing on the doorstep talking to poor pitiful Katie, who's just come around to thank her for giving Sammy back her job. Jacqui is succinct and tells Katie that she only did it for Louise. She asks how Louise is getting on at her new school.
Katie tells her that Louise is having trouble settling. At that moment, Harry flashes Katie a winning smile and says her name. Jacqui decides (badly) that the kids haven't seen enough of their auntie Katie and invites her in.
Mike has just arrived home, as Rachel is preparing to take Beth swimming, whilse Ray and Jessie faff about in the background. Jessie is having a panic attack because Ray has put a red tea towel in with her wash and given her pink everything. She now is reduced to chosing between one of two of Brigid's hand-me-downs to wear to the lunch with Helen that day.
Ray is uneasily apologising, saying that he thought most things were colour fast these days. Jessie holds up Brigid's two outfits. What's it going to be? She asks, sarcastically - safari in Manor Park or dowdy old aged pensioner? She can see why Brigid got rid of these dresses!
Ray is still more than reluctant to have Helen over and keeps suggesting that they cancel the do, but Jessie won't have it. She maintains, quite rightly, her right to meet Ray's secret daughter and to know her step-daughter. Rachel steps into the scene to tell the pair that she's off with Beth to the swimming pool; she also reminds them that Mike's upstairs having a nap, and Jessie promises to be quiet.
Next door, Katie and Jacqui are having a conflab about recent goings-on. Jacqui is telling Katie about the night of the fire, how her first impulse was to check on the children to see if they were all right. Rachel had done the same thing, thus emphasising their roles as mothers. She does, admit, however that at times she finds it difficult dealing with the two children and welcomes Katie's visit as it gives her an opportunity to talk with someone her own age. She even goes as far as saying that if she didn't have the support of Rachel next door, she'd find it more difficult to deal with the two children.
Katie then has a moan about her job. It seems that it's not safe, especially with the Walk-In Centre about to become a Doctors' Surgery as well. As of Easter, she explains to Jacqui, a person would be able to either walk into the place and see a nurse on duty or have a proper appointment with a GP.
Jacqui is baffled. Won't the centre still need a receptionist? She asks.
Well, yes, mutters Katie, but she's on her last legs there. TPTB have noted the excessive number of sickies she's pulled relating to the sainted Clint, and she's also had a written warning.
Jacqui is surprised by this, and a mortified Katie explains that she was formally warned after refusing Ron Dixon treatment at the clinic. She asks Jacqui if she knows of any job openings in the Farnham empire.
Jacqui thinks a moment and tells Katie that Max is looking to take on waiting staff in the run up to Valentine's Day. This doesn't appeal to Katie, who reckons she's due something better - going from a receptionist to a waitress catering to loving couples just isn't her idea of a good job. (What is?)
Jacqui mentions having plans for Friday night and Katie asks her why she never asks Katie to babysit. Again, Jacqui stops to think and admits that it never really crossed Jacqui's mind that this would be something that Katie would want to do. But Katie offers her services for Friday evening.
Jacqui jokes that she should get in the swing of things by getting two cartons of fruit juice out of the fridge for the kids now. As Katie gets up to do this, she notices Jacqui has a diary pinned to the front of the fridge and that the diary has Ron's release date circled in big letters. Without saying another word, Katie turns and runs from the house, leaving a puzzled Jacqui.
Across the Close, at the Murrays, Dire is muddling about in the garage and being pestered by Adele, whom she seems to be calling 'Faceache' these days. Brigid has arrived on the scene as she not only is interested in cleaning her own home, but that of Dire's too. After Adele has disappeared, Dire notes to Brigid that Adele seems uncommonly helpful these days and suspects that the girl is after something.
When the two women move indoors, Brigid remarks that she fancies a sesh at the bingo club that afternoon and asks if either Dire or Adele fancied coming. Dire makes the excuse that this is her day off and she's sorting the house out. Adele cries off, saying that she has to study for her AS examns upstairs. She disappears upstairs to a cacophony of music (not Kate Bush).
Brigid then determines that she'll just pop over to ask Jessie if she fancied coming.
Well, of course Helen's just arrived. She comes in shyly, carrying in her hand a large brown envelope. Jess has opted for Brigid's safari look, but the jacket to the ensemble doesn't meet around her ample shape.
Helen is invited to sit on the sofa and the trio converse in unnecessary small talk in a very uneasy atmosphere. Helen remarks on the odd decor of the Dixon household, due mainly to Ray's wallpapering with odd ends. The doorbell rings and Jess answers it to find Brigid waiting.
Without waiting for an invitation, Brigid swans into the lounge and spies Helen, whom she doesn't recognise at first. Jess awkwardly explains that Helen is a friend who's come to lunch. Brigid makes an off the cuff remark about Jessie wearing her dress, remarking that Brigid will let the jacket out for Jess when she has more time. Brigid props herself on the arm of the sofa and starts chatting with Helen, who plays along with the 'friends' routine.
Suddenly the penny drops with Brigid, as she spies the brown envelope the woman's holding. She realises where she's seen Helen - the cheque lady at the bingo club. She excuses herself and dashes back to Dire's, where she insinuates to Dire that she thinks the Hiltons have come into another big bingo win - a massive one, hence the need for anonymity and the bingo woman sat in the Dixon lounge with a large brown envelope on her lap. Why, Brigid could be in for a windfall.
Dire asks jokingly if this means she'll get a legacy in Brigid's will.
Brigid goes upstairs to start the cleaning, shouting about the din coming from Adele's room about needing to strip the beds. She opens the door to find a shot of Adele's bikini-clad arse twitching in front of the mirror. Adele swings around in horror, giving the intelligent viewers and the pervs looking for more wank material, a flash of her bobbling boobs.
Brigid is surprisingly indulgent and carries on to do Ant's room. When she opens the door, however, she's unpleasantly surprised. Agitated, she calls for Dire, asking where the Sacred Heart of Jesus and all the saints' posters and icons had gone.
Dire explains that Antony has put them away in his wardrobe. Brigid assumes that the lad has lost his faith. Dire says that this isn't so, but Antony was growing up. Brigid is bitter. He used to enjoy going to Mass, now he's stopped altogether. This was all Marty's doing.
Jessie is playing the party hostess and asks Helen if she can fix her a drink, When Helen says yes, Jess moves to the kitchen, whereupon Helen motions for Ray to sit beside her on the sofa. Opening the brown envelope, she shows Ray the picture of her daughter, his granddaughter and tells him that it's the one she showed him at the pub last week. She brought it in order that he could have a copy. Jessie listens to the conversation in the kitchen, painfully aware that Ray has been seeing Helen behind her back and for sometime.
Strategically, she re-enters the lounge and looks over Ray's shoulder at the picture. Helen explains proudly that Stephanie, her daughter, is eighteen and a right little tomboy. Jessie asks Helen how long she's been seeing Ray and Helen tells her that the two have met several times.
Over at Hotel Corkhill, Dim meets Emily with a wad of money stacked on the table. That's all their takings from the selling of the booze, he says. But he hands her an envelope. There's £1000 inside, he tells her. That's for Nikki's tuition.
After Helen leaves, Jessie rounds on Ray again. More secrets! How long had he been seeing Helen behind her back? Not only did he have a daughter now, but a granddaughter as well! She'd told Ray absolutely everything about her past, and here's Ray's secret coming back to haunt her.
Summary © 2002 Marion Watts
Brookside and all related materials are © Mersey Television 1982-2002