REMEMBER REMEMBER
... The Fifth of November and all that. Has it REALLY been a year since Karen Drury - er, Susannah - esc= er, died? My, my, doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun. Drury made much of the fact that they killed her character off in a deliberate ploy to boost the ratings. In fact, the plans were that Brookside would attain the heights of the Jordache years this year, due entirely to the Susannah death line.
It didn’t.
Somehow, the viewing public found necrophilia almost as big a turn-off as the endless baby whingeings of the Murrays ... But not quite.
Speaking of babies, it’s the morning of the Fifth of November and Mike Dixon, a bigger baby than ever, stands on the doorstep of Chateau Farnham, a lone toddler’s trainer held in his outstretched hand. He’s showing it to his sister, Mrs Dixon-Farnham, and explaining that he and Rachel found it in a shoe box on the Dixon doorstep on Friday night, as they came home from the O’Leary’s party.
As if she’s stupid, Mike reiterates the importance of the find by asking Jacqui if she knows what this means? It means that Gobby Robbie the Blobby Yobby has paid the Close a surreptitious visit. Jacqui is, understandably, upset, but Mike urges her not to let Gobby get to her, even though silly Rachel, his silly wife, hasn’t slept a wink since the find.
Jacqui grimly remarks that as long as Gobby Moffatt is loose in Europe, her life will be troubled.
Just at that moment, Max leans over the bannister and asks Jacqui if she can come upstairs and give him a hand with the kids. Jacqui explains to Mike that today is the first anniversary of Susannah’s death, and Max was a bit fragile. This knowledge would freak him out.
Mike warns her to keep an especial eye on the kids, and - above all - say nothing to Ron.
Well, it couldn’t be avoided, could it? Sooner or later, we had to pay a visit to Sitcom House, and we see Marty Murray nervously preparing to leave for work. As he starts to leave, Dire calls him back. He’s forgotten something, she reminds him, coyly pointing to a spot amidst the plaster of Paris covering her cheek. Marty plants a brief kiss and informs her he has to leave. He’s due to see the head again today regarding the incident with Imelda.
Plank plonks into the room from the sitcom kitchen. Of course, his father made sure he has the backing of his union, clever Plank asks, although he can’t see why the school authorities are persecuting his father for showing a bit of common sense and clouting the girl.
The Law protects Imelda, remarks Dire, ruefully truthful. She can say anything she wants about Marty and the law will always be on her side. The law doesn’t seem to protect victims of bullying.
Plank ascertains that Marty was a school employee, who shoved a kid for giving cheek; and Dire concurs that the whole thing was just a one-off incident.
Marty looks uneasy and actually admits he feels like offering up a prayer for guidance. Plank reckons his dad must be truly desperate to resort to those measures, whilst Dire remarks in a sad but sarcastic way that prayer wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. God listens. He hears you, but a lot of times He does nothing. (Christians say, Dire, it’s because HE knows best).
Mike Dixon walks around the back of the Dixon house, but suddenly stops when he sees a set of muddy male footprints leading directly into the rear of the house. He swiftly but deftly follows the prints and startles the life out of Ron and Anthea who are phaffing about in the kitchen. In fact, Ron almost jumps out of his skin.
Mike asks what the deal is with the muddy prints, and Anthea explains that the couple have been in the garden planting tulip bulbs for the spring. Not that he would be around to see them necessarily, quips Ron. Anthea admonishes him for being morbid, and Mike quickly covers his surprising them by saying that they’d left the back door open. Ron was always going on about leaving doors open and heat escaping from the house costing money.
When Anthea leaves the room, Ron susses that Mike thought there had been an intruder, and Mike again covers by saying that his security guard training is showing itself.
Over at Hotel Corkhill, Lindsey is trying to decide which sort of outfit to wear for her interview with Jacqui for the Manager’s job. She wears a short-sleeved blue clingy number with a scalloped neck and - in a deliberately unfunny reference to the fact that Claire Sweeney was named Rear of the Year - she asks Jim if her bum looks big in the dress.
Jimmy quips that Jacqui Dixon or Farnham or whatever she calls herself wasn’t about to give Lindsey the once over - unless Jacqui’s suddenly turned, herself. Jimmy is in the middle of clearing up the mess from the party - which took place on Friday (as it’s now Monday). He examines an empty bottle of Yugoslavian vodka. Lindsey’s dress is a classic style (as if he should know). She should wear it, he remarks, patently disinterested.
Tim emerges bleary-eyed from the extension, opens the fridge and remarks petulantly that there is no milk. Jimmy remarks that he’ll pick some milk up later, as Tim trudges back to bed. Lindsey gazes after him in obvious disgust. When he’s out of sight, she rounds on Jimmy.
That pair treat the house like a hotel, she informs him, and they treat her and Jimmy as though they were their servants.
Jimmy’s non-plussed. So, they’re living on the cheap, he shrugs.
Too right, answers Lindsey. Tim is over 18 and he’s not working. He’s able-bodied and could work if he wanted. Why should her mum work all hours to subsidise William when those two weren’t willing to contribute the going rate of rent?
Jimmy agrees to speak to them, but only as a means of shutting Lindsey up.
Max Farnham stands in the middle of his lounge and gazes at the scene, lost in the events that transpired a year ago. Jacqui asks if he’s O K, and Max replies that he’s just remembering Susannah. He didn’t sleep very well last night, and Jacqui concurs.
Suddenly Max turns to Jacqui and asks if she believed in the redemption of sins. Jacqui takes Max squarely by the shoulders and reminds him that what happened to Susannah was a tragic accident. She believes in the children and their future, and she intends to give the kids a great Fifth of November.
But as Max leaves for work, Jacqui gazes after him with a worried frown on her face.
Lindsey stands in the foyer of Hotel Corkhill, modelling a tailored pumpkin-coloured suit with a long skirt, asking Jimmy if he thought this were the appropriate thing to wear. Suddenly the front door opens and Emily enters, rudely shoving Lindsey out of the way. Ignoring the Corkhills, she shouts to Tim that she’s got the photies of her eighteenth, and shows him the pictures of herself and Becky Big-Tits, reminiscing to Tim about how she sold her nan’s gift of a beauty therapy course to Becky.
Lindsey interrupts the proceedings to call their attention to the untidy state of the house. THEY had a party, THEY were responsible for cleaning up, she reminds them. Emily protests that it’s her day off, and this infuriates Lindsey, who wastes no time in telling them exactly what she thinks of their arrogant behaviour and the fact that were it not for Jimmy’s generosity, they would be homeless.
Emily starts to answer back, but Tim wisely stops her, telling Lindsey that he would tidy up the place and later replace the milk he had drunk. They disappear into the extension.
As Emily disappears, Lindsey pronounces her a ‘little madam’, but Jimmy brushes the whole thing off as youthful exhuberance. Lindsey, however, reminds Jimmy that she was never that bad (oh, no, Linds - you played with real guns and gangsters!). Anyway, she puts her behaviour down to nervousness about the interview.
The Sage assures her that the Manager’s job is as good as hers. After all, didn’t she save little Harry Farnham? Jacqui owes her one.
Lindsey primly tells Jimmy that she isn’t even going to mention Harry. She’s going to dwell on her experience and suitability for the job. She’s good with people (she reckons) and she does good bookwork.
Suddenly, she feels that the suit she’s wearing just isn’t right and wants to change, but Jimmy reminds her that if she changes again, she may be late for her interview. Oh, she doesn’t have a formal interview arranged, breezes Lindsey confidently. She’s just going to drop in on Jacqui and catch her unawares - just on the off-chance, you know - as you do.
Jacqui Dixon-Farnham, by the way, is strolling along The Parade in the direction of the Health Club. Anthea happens along that way too, and she’s frightened by a couple of young lads running amok and tossing fireworks about. A passel of nerves, she runs into Jacqui.
When she’s calm enough to talk, Jacqui asks after Ron and Anthea tells her he’s keeping himself busy making lists about how to maintain the house and the business. Jacqui tells Anthea that she’s taking the kids for a swim and afterward for lunch with Max.
Anthea suggests that Jacqui and Max bring the kids to the bonfire and fireworks display at Brookie Comp that evening. She and Ron are taking Beth, as Rachel’s working. Jacqui thinks that’s a good idea and arranges to meet the Dixons there.
As she’s turning to leave, Anthea asks if Mike had called around the Farnhams’ that morning. Thinking on her feet, Jacqui confirms that he did call around, but only because he was preoccupied about Ron and the upcoming trial. Anthea sighs in relief. Thank goodness, everyone’s being open at last about that damned trial.
Back at Hotel Corkhill, Plank has plonked by to visit Timily and the three peruse the set of photies Emily has taken of the party. The couple joke with Plank about his attraction to Becky Big-Tits (wonder if she’s the ubiquitous ‘becci=ask-no-questions’ from the NG) and Nisha’s absence from the party. Plank explains that he and Nisha have a casual relationship, but he can’t stop ogling the trailer trash friend of Emily’s, remarking to Tim that he’d like to see her in a bikini.
The two lads comment on various girls at the party, before Plank excuses himself. He’s working on a cash-in-hand foreigner that afternoon. Oh, by the way, says Tim, he’s off down the bar later, to see if he can cadge a job off Plank’s Uncle Christy - to learn the ropes at scamming and then to scam Christy, himself.
Jacqui and the kids are enjoying the pool, when a gorgeous, physically perfect black man strolls by, throwing a casual remark to Jacqui about gym equipment requisition. Jacqui takes note of the remark and tells the man that that is his area of responsibility now, just as Max makes an appearance.
Jacqui explains that the fella’s name is Sol and that he’s really nice and is doing a good job with the Club. In fact, she thought that maybe she would include him on her guest list for dinner, along with Mike and Rachel. Max agrees (the old Max would have died rather than have a black man at his dinner table). Out of curiosity, he asks Jacqui about the whereabouts of Susannah’s old mattress she was discarding.
Jacqui replies that she’d left the mattress out to be taken away by the Charity Shop, but they had yet to call. They must have, says Max, because the mattress was gone. Jacqui shrugs this off and asks Max how he’s feeling. Max admits that he feels O K until he’s in a room on his own - but it’s like that most days, he adds.
Jacqui looks at him understandingly and then tells him that he and she are taking the kids to the fireworks display at Brookie Comp that evening. Max doesn’t want to go, but Jacqui firmly tells him that he’s going. Today is about the kids, she reiterates.
Jimmy enters the kitchen of Hotel Corkhill to find Plank Murray seated comfortably at the table munching on a sandwich. Plank explains nonchalantly that Tim told him to make himself at home and to make a butty. Tim appears and uneasily prepares to make lunch, before Jimmy disappears again.
As Tim opens the fridge door, Plank tells him that the Corkhills are out of ham, so he’ll have to have cheese. Anway, Plank wants Tim to know that when he starts his scamming scheme on Christy, he’ll have to leave Plank’s name out of it. Oh, yes, and don’t be too hard on Christy, he adds.
Tim asks why, and Plank explains, in a gratuitous piece of advertising for Channel 4 on Brookside’s part, that it’s a family thing - like The Sopranos.
Lindsey has arrived at the Health Club and is greeted by Sol. She’s asking for Jacqui, and Sol is asking if Lindsey is interested in membership. In a flirtatious way, Lindsey parries his obvious interest in her, but maintains that she’s there to have a chat with Jacqui. She’s an old friend, she explains.
The two climb the stairs to the level where the pool is and Sol points out Jacqui and the kids through the glass door. Lindsey says she’s prepared to wait for Jacqui, as the phone rings and Sol answers it, introducing himself as Sol Bennett, and identifying the premises as ‘Brookside Health Club’.
Lindsey stands unobtrusively by, as he deals with the caller, who’s obviously a rep. She hears only Sol’s side of the conversation, as he tells the caller that he deals with equipment sales now. That’s right, he’s the new manager of the Health Club, he confirms. He also tells the caller that he started the job the previous day. Lindsey is distraught.
Marty and Dire meed outside the salon on The Parade. Marty has come around to tell her that the school has dropped all charges against Marty in the Imelda incident. It appears Imelda told Mrs Plummer that the whole incident was ‘a misunderstanding’. Besides, technically the incident happened off grounds, so there was nothing really the school could do.
Dire’s made up for Marty, but as he scurries off, she still harbours suspicions about Imelda’s intentions.
Lindsey, meanwhile, dashes, humiliated, from the Health Club, followed by a repentant Jacqui and kids. Jacqui is apologising to Lindsey profusely. Lindsey demands to know why Jacqui didn’t tell her about Sol. Jacqui explains that she has been busy of late with other demands. Lindsey accuses her of going behind her back, and Jacqui retorts that she’s had other things on her mind. Lindsey runs off, upset, as Max appears again.
Jaccqui explains the scene to Max, by saying that Lindsey’s met Sol. Now she feels guilty about not telling Lindsey she’d appointed Sol manager, supposing she could have been more diplomatic. Well, Sol’s business, says Max, and sometimes in business, people can’t be so nice.
Lindsey returns to Hotel Corkhill in a furious mood. She encounters Jimmy, who innocently asks how she got on. Jacqui’d already appointed a manager, she replies angrily, and she made an almighty fool of herself. And she was just that, for even thinking the manager’s job was hers.
She instantly rounds on Tim and Emily about the state of the place before running upstairs. Jimmy explains to the couple that Lindsey’s in a bit of a state, having gone for a job and having not been chosen for it. Tim is sympathetic, knowing what that sort of rejection is like. Emily, however, is less so. She reckons Lindsey’s lack of success at getting the job was down to her ‘meffy’ suit. That suit should have been thrown out years ago.
Later, the Farnhams are preparing to leave the house for the bonfire celebrations, Jacqui and the kids go out the door first, but Max lingers in order to have a sad gaze at the surroundings. Jacqui intervenes and reminds him that they have to go.
As the Farnhams leave, Lindsey is seen in Hotel Corkhill, stuffing her business suit into a bin bag.
The fireworks are in full glow at the school, with Dire Murray manning a foods table - which isn’t surprising because she’s usually stuffing something into her fat gob. She congratulates Marty, who had something to do with organising the event, but Marty modestly attributes the success of the evening to the chemistry teacher, who’s a dab hand with fireworks. Plank is there, standing around gormlessly, as Nisha is apparently on duty tonight (what kind of duty isn’t exactly specified).
Dire wishes aloud that Ant and Adele had chosen to come, but Marty assures her that neither of them would have been caught dead at this thing.
Max and Jacqui are having a lookaround with the kids, when Max spies Susannah’s old mattress atop the bonfire. He laughs and reckons some neighbourhood kids appropriated it for tonight’s festivities. Jacqui is admiring the fireworks and suggests that she take the kids to get some toffee apples. Max stops her suddenly and admits that he’s enjoying himself and that he’s glad he came. He tells her how much he loves her.
Jacqui and the kids approach Ron, who’s seen buying Baby Beth a toffee apple. Jacqui greets her dad and asks Anthea’s whereabouts. Ron points across the way, saying that Anthea is at the burger bar, buying a burger (as you do). Max greets Ron and comments on how nice the fireworks are. Ron remarks that he supposes this is the last Fawkes night he’ll see as a free man.
As Anthea is buying her burger, someone greets her quietly from behind. Turning, she encounters the fat, hulking form of Gobby Moffatt. Naturally, she’s startled, but he assures her he isn’t there to cause bother. Menacingly quiet, he tells her that he just wants to tell her to think first before lying in court. She’s wrong in saying that Ron shouted a warning to his brother before he shot him. Because he didn’t
(Wrong, Gobby and wrong, writers! Because he DID shout a warning ... TWICE!)
Anthea immediately runs from the burger bar, back to Ron and the family, where she frantically points out Gobby’s presence.
Back at Hotel Corkhill, Lindsey comes downstairs to see Timily sitting sloppily in the lounge, scoffing chips. The house is a mess, worse than a tip, as no one has bothered to do any tidying up in her absence today. Look at this place, she exclaims, it’s like a pigsty! Were they turning the house into a squat? She didn’t intend to live this way and she didn’t intend to clear up after their lazy arses either.
Ron, made aware of Gobby’s unwelcome presence, faces him down. He warns Gobby to stay well away from his family. Gobby insolently replies that he doesn’t give a damn about what Ron wants. Noticing Jacqui standing nearby, Gobby comments sarcastically that he supposes Jacqui will be there in court, listening to all the lies.
‘No,’ replies Jacqui, ‘I’ll be there listening to joostice being done!’
Max tries to intervene, but Gobby shushes him insolently. ‘You’d better be warned, Posh Boy,’ he laughs grimly. Because when you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas, and that’s just what the Dixons were - filth!’
Ron calls an end to the proceedings by announcing that they should go home, especially if Gobby intended on staying around.
Marty and Plank are having a little tete-a-tete over the fireworks. Marty’s worried about Dire. She’s putting on a brave front today, but she’s really upset about not having kids. Today is especially hard for her, he explains to his thick offspring, because it was a year ago today that she found out that she was pregnant.
Not to worry, assures the doltish Plank. He has it all planned. Why, he’s even putting away money from his illegal earnings to fund another IVF attempt. Marty tells the lad to be realistic, but Plank maintains that he wants his stepmother to have a baby. Marty doesn’t even bother to argue with the mentally-challenged creature.
Lindsey is still ranting about the filthy state of the house. Timily treated this place like a hotel, she complains, with her and Jimmy dancing attendance 24/7. Well, if that’s the case, she announces, they can actually pay for the privilege of living like this.
What did she mean by that? Asks Tim.
‘As from now,’ says Lindsey, ‘your rent is trebled.’
Needless to say, the two scroungers are shocked. Emily screeches that such an action is criminal. No, replies Lindsey, it’s criminal that her mother allows the two of them to live here for next to nothing while she slogs all hours in the garage.
Emily protests that the couple can’t afford an increase like that.
Then they’ll have to find another place to say, won’t they? Smirks Lindsey.
Anthea and Ron stand whispering outside Baby Beth’s room. Anthea is clearly rattled about having seen Gobby, but Ron reminds her that she’s got to get used to the fact that she may see him again and again. He’s sure to be at the trial, and then Anthea has to remember. Liverpool is a small city. She may see that no-mark downtown.
Marty Murray approaches Dire, who’s lost in her own reverie at the fireworks. Marty puts his arms around her and asks if she thought he’d forgotten what happened this time last year .(Susannah got killed, what else?)
This time last year, Dire says, she was pregnant. If everything had gone according to plan, the baby would now be 3 months old. (Yawn, no it wouldn’t. It would be closer to four months). And did Marty know what makes this whole baby thing even harder? Why, this very week, she’s fertile. (OH PLEASE GOD NO NOT MORE BABY SHIT) Cracking her famous rigor mortis grin, she coyly reminds Marty that he DID promise that they could try for a baby the traditional way.
‘You mean like the Liverpool-Dublin ferry?’ Jokes Marty. ‘Roll-on, roll-off’. (Sorry, if I don’t laugh).
And now we approach the climactic scene. Ron and Anthea are in the marital bedroom. Anthea sits upright in the bed, the covers of which have been turned down. Ron stands at the foot of the bed, getting into his pyjamas. He’s apologising profusely to Anthea for shutting her out before, but he’s been mired down by statements, solicitors, psychiatric tests, accountants. Now he has to contend with Gobby Moffatt.
As Ron approaches his side of the bed, Anthea looks down toward Ron’s pillow and shrieks. There, squarely in the middle of the pillow, is a picture of Clint the Duck - although why these two dimwits didn’t notice this when they entered the room is patently beyond me.
The couple exchange a look of horror, knowing that Gobby Robby the Blobby Yobby has entered their home!!!!!
Summary © 2001 Marion Watts
Brookside and all related materials are © Mersey Television 1982-2001