RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE ...
Morning has broken at Hotel Corkhill, which resembles a beehive of activity. As Jackie’s back in town, it is SHE who is endeavouring to ready Cabbage Patch Kylie for school. (Have the writers forgotten that Jackie had to be in the garage that morning at 7AM? Perhaps she’s switched shifts with Lindsey, who - as per usual whenever her moom’s around to do the mothering - is nowhere to be found even near her po-faced daughter).
Jackie is clucking over whether or not Kylie needs to wear her cardy to school, whilst Jimmy folds the bedclothes he’d used the night before as he’s slept on the couch. Kylie is curious, wondering who slept on the sofa and why? Jimmy explains to her that he slept on the couch.
Kylie, who seems to have grown a foot and looks to be around eleven, but has the dialogue of a five year-old, asks in her whiney monotone voice (that we, the viewers, haven’t missed) if Nana’s bed is broken. Was that the reason Granddad had to sleep downstairs? Jackie swiftly deflects the Christmas programme child’s curiosity by telling her that the bedroom upstairs was too ‘hot’ for Granddad. (Good one, that ... I’ll bet it was and all). Therefore, Granddad had elected to sleep downstairs.
Tim, hovering in the background, suddenly speaks up and offers the use of the extension to Jimmy. Tim says he won’t mind sleeping on the couch a bit, as Emily will probably soon be going to Brussels to visit her mother; but Jimmy vetoes that idea.
Tim and Jackie are left alone for a bit, and Jackie comments to the lad how generous Jimmy was to offer accommodation to the young couple. Things certainly have changed since Jackie left the house. Tim, rightly, reckons that Jackie and Jimmy have a lot of catching up to do, and Jackie agrees. In fact, she goes as far to say, broadly hinting at the obvious, that she and Jimmy could do with a bit of time to themselves. Tim takes the hint and assures Jackie that as soon as he and Emily find an appropriate flat, they’ll be off.
O.K. Ready on the set ... Cue sitcom music ... THEY’RE BACK ... AND WITH A VENGEANCE!!! JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THAT WATCHING BROOKSIDE WAS BEARABLE ... THE MURRAY’S RETURN!!!!
Dire, Marty, Christy and Adele inhabit the sitcom kitchen. Christy has just dropped by to tell Dire and Marty about the karaoke night on offer at the bar that evening. He wants them to drop by as it might be good fun. He has an ally in Adele, who is all for her parents having a night out, basically so she can have a night in with some lads.
Some things haven’t changed, however; the Murrays are still skint, and Dire is still obsessing about her damn and blasted boring IVF treatment. While Marty is worried about the cost of a night out, Dire goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on ... About that damned IVF shite. She CAN’T be expected to drink, because of the next stage of her treatment. Why she’s due to have an ultra scan in order to determine the conditions of her follicles for more egg collections ... As if Christy or any of us wanted to know. CAN ANYONE OUT THERE TELL ME, PLEASE, IF THEY SYMPATHISE WITH THIS WANTONLY SELFISH WOMAN?
Adele and Christy do not give up, however; Adele even bribes Dire into going by telling her she’ll let her stepmother borrow her nail varnish. (Light laughter, please ... Ha ha ha ha ha ... PUKE!)
Back at Hotel Corkhill, Jimmy and Jackie are now on their own, as Jackie sends Cabbage Patch Kylie up to tidy her room. She remarks to Jimmy, who’s sitting reading The Daily Mail (Jimmy? This paper? Never? More likely Ron Dikko, but never Jimmy Corkhill!!!)
Jackie begins to make tentative small talk, hoping, clearly, to broach a broader subject. She remarks casually that it was good of Jimmy to help out Timily in offering a place to stay. Jimmy continues to peruse the paper, absently answering Jackie’s riposte by saying that he couldn’t really stand by and see the young couple put out on the street.
Jackie hesitates before gently enquiring of Jimmy how long precisely did Timily plan on lodging with the Corkhills, only she, Jackie, thought that she and Jimmy could do with some time on their own, you know.
Jimmy raises his eyebrows briefly at that remark, but continues to peruse the paper, albeit uncomfortably. There was no time limit to the O’Leary’s tenancy, he replies shortly.
It’s a normal day at the bar, as we see ... Leanne’s in a foul mood, as per usual, and what’s more, she’s blanking Lance, who’s visibly upset by her behaviour. He demands to know what’s wrong with his sister.
Leanne, the injured party, turns to face him. He went ahead and attended the Dixon-Farnham wedding. Lance rolls his eyes heaven-ward in an exasperated manner and duly apologises for that faux pas, thinking that to be the end of the matter. But it’s not.
Leanne begins to give him a severe ticking-off. She never thought she’d live to see the day that her own brother would so severely let her down. To actually attend the wedding of Jacqui Dixon and to agree to be best man! She didn’t need to remind him that Jacqui Dixon’s lies resulted in her going to prison.
Lance tries to explain that he only agreed to be best man for Max’s sake, but Leanne won’t have it. Why, Lance even went to the reception! Lance tries to point out that Max did a lot for the siblings in the past, when no one else would even help them, but Leanne is fed up with that argument. As far as she’s concerned, Max and Jacqui Farnham are cut from the same cloth. And as for Lance, well, Christy was right all along! It looks as though Lance has had his thirty pieces of silver, she says.
At that moment, a punter comes to the bar to be served, and Leanne puts him off with the rough side of her tongue, telling him to wait.
Lance has something to say, however. He wants Leanne to know that her darling Christy isn’t exactly a saint either, especially when her back is turned.
Leanne’s eyes narrow suspiciously, as Lance continues to put the boot in. Why, only yesterday, Christy was trying it on with Katie Rogers. He virtually had to prise the pair apart, says Lance. The truth is, Christy would be up for doing it with anything and anyone who was female and had a pulse.
Kylie is finally ready to go to school, and Jackie must have surely forgotten that she had an early shift at the garage, because now she’s preparing to take the child to school. Jimmy bends down and asks the girl to give Granddad a kiss. Kylie obliges, but then sets the cat amongst the pigeons by asking Jimmy to give Nana a kiss. Jimmy hesitates and reluctantly plants a kiss on Jackie’s cheek.
As she gathers up the child’s things, Jackie again tries to make small talk by asking if there were anything special Jimmy wanted for tea that evening. Seeing that Jimmy is visibly uncomfortable, Jackie tries to reassure him about their relationship. She thought it best if they put the past well and truly behind them, she says. She can see that all the changes that had occurred were down to Jimmy. Still, Jackie just being there in the house was the first step towards normalcy, surely.
Jimmy gently admonishes Jackie not to rush things. Jackie shouldn’t expect miracles. It will be awhile before things approach anything like normalcy, he says. If ever, he adds under his breath.
Christy Murray enters the bar and attempts to greet Leanne affectionately. Leanne, however, has a greeting of her own for Christy.
‘How’s "the one and only"?’ She asks, sarcastically. She then immediately tells him that she knows about his attempted encounter with Katie Rogers. Christy’s lucky they’re in a public place at this moment in time, warns Leanne, or else he’d look like a nonce with earrings!
Christy susses immediately who’s been grassing on him, and he moves onto the offensive. Did Lance tell her that about Katie Rogers? He asks. Well, he would, wouldn’t he? What did she expect from Lance, especially when he chose to socialise with the woman who was responsible for Leanne’s imprisonment? Why what kind of loyal brother was Lance? There he was, not a few days ago, drinking the health of Lord Farnham and colluding with the newlywed couple all the time that Jacqui and Max are probably planning the enlargement of their own business empire.
Leanne politely informs Christy that her imprisonment was unjust, but it wasn’t that bad, really. Why, she was running the joint within two weeks of arriving.
Christy wants Leanne to know that he’s a one-woman man, he is. As for Katie Rogers, well, yes, it was true the poor, befuddled girl was attracted to him. In fact, SHE came onto him, and yes, there was an altercation of sorts. But that occurred when Christy spurned Katie’s advances. She wanted her sausage on a stick, that one.
And Lance, well, Lance’s nose was out of joint, that’s all. Oh, yes ... And was Leanne all geared up for the Stay-behind tonight?
Jimmy’s out for a stroll along The Parade when (surprise surprise) whom should he encounter but Anthea. Immediately, she sees Jim, she sticks her hypocritical oar in. Well, she begins, she sees that he’s LET Jackie move back in. How COULD he let that happen? (And who are you to judge, you po-faced two-faced cow?) Has Jimmy forgotten exactly what Jackie put him through? (Excuse me, this is a mite rich. Surely Anthea must know enough of the Corkhills’ background to know that it has never been JIMMY but JACKIE who suffered? She may not believe this version of events when told to her by Ron or Mike, but surely the bovine-brained Rachel must know what Jackie Corkhill’s been through).
She thought Jimmy had moved on from that part of his life, she observes, prissily.
Jimmy remarks that he had previously been going through a bad patch. But, he asks Anthea, how can he get Jackie out of his life and keep his son at the same time? How can he convince the court that he’s the best person to care for his son? He’s spent sleepless nights trying to figure this one out.
Well, Anthea remarks superciliously, perhaps the Corkhills can iron out their differences. Look at her and Ron. If they can resolve their differences, anyone can. (How big and white of you, Anthea. You ungrateful, canting, unappreciative bitch. Oh, and when you DO leave, take that mad cow Rachel with you ... She’ll save you from having to buy milk for your tea.)
If ever Jimmy needs a person to listen to his problems, he knows where he can find Anthea, she reminds him.
As the pair converse, Kylie and Jackie watch them from a distance.
Dire is preparing to go out for the evening. Like all Brookside women, she never puts make-up on in her bedroom or bathroom. She does so in the lounge, and this time she’s putting on her fourth coat of crack-free make-up plaster, tightening the already rigid grin to rigor mortis perfection.
Adele and Michelle sit in their dressing-gowns and pyjamas on the sofa nearby. Dire asks the girls what plans they had for the evening. Crisps and a Brad Pitt video, replies Adele. Dire glances at the girls suspiciously, and Adele begs her mother to trust her.
Marty suddenly appears, dressed for a night out. Noting his suit, Dire teases the girls that he ‘scrubs up well’ (which seems to be the Scouser expression of the month). Marty reverts to ageing lad form, surmising that he could teach those ‘young lads’ a few things yet. And was Dire planning on singing in the karaoke tonight?
He informs the girls that Dire won the Llandudno talent contest for karaoke in 1995, when they were on holiday.
Dire shushes him, giggling, but reassures the girls that they were only going for a lager in the local bar. She’s left the number in case the girls need to get in touch with either of them. Adele urges her stepmother to stop fussing and go.
When the Murrays depart, both girls remove their dressing gowns to reveal slinky evening tops underneath. It’s time to get ready to party.
Jimmy is surfing the net again. (If any of the Brookside bods are reading this, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE PROPOSED JIMMY WEBSITE? Eh? And for that matter, WHERE THE HELL IS THE DAMNED BROOK E-MAIL?)
Jackie stands behind him, gently warning him of the danger of getting square eyes from the computer. She remarks that Jimmy spends that much time looking after other people and not enough time looking after himself. Don’t get her wrong, she says, quickly. It’s good what he’s done for Tim and Emily. And it’s good that he’s found a good listener in Anthea. She must have an awful lot on her plate at the moment, that Anthea.
Of course, she continues, Jimmy, being a married man, would understand her predicament and not presume ...
Jimmy interrupts her discourse to point out that Anthea is a mate and nothing more.
Well, thank God she’s been around for Jimmy, says Jackie. Still, Jackie was home now. Jimmy could talk to her in the future. He needn’t burden Anthea.
Back at the bar, the karaoke is in full swing for the evening, with Leanne belting out a terribly off-key rendition of It’s a Heartache. The Murrays are listening uncomfortably, and Christy has occasion to face Lance.
He confronts Lance by asking what the idea was behind grassing to Leanne about what happened with Katie Rogers? Lance was nothing but a jumped-up, little ponce. Lance attempts to ignore Christy, who won’t be blanked. If Lance insisted on acting like a girl, then perhaps he deserved to be treated like one.
Lance now rises to the occasion admirably. Christy’s ale’s about to run dry, he warns the other man; and Lance won’t stand by and watch his sister being treated like a doormat.
Christy warns Lance not to push his luck or ...
Or what? Rejoinders Lance. ‘Or you’ll hit me? Then I’ll just have to hit you back, and that won’t do your reputation any good, will it.’
He finishes by telling Christy that Leanne thinks the sun shines out of his arse, and Lance wouldn’t want to see Christy disappoint Leanne.
At that moment, Leanne’s song finishes and one punter leads the meagre applause. Christy jumps onto the stage with Leanne and the duo begin to sing Congratulations.
Tim is leaving the close, just as Bullethead Thugfest and Baby Bro Thugfest arrive in the former’s car. Bullethead greets Tim and asks in which house he can find Adele Murray. Tim points out the Murray sitcom house, but warns Bullethead that Adele is proper jailbait. (No, she’s not. She’s sixteen).
Bullethead takes the opportunity to ask Tim if he’s got any more info on that ‘bit of work’ he promised to put Bullethead’s way. Tim promises that this bit of work will cache more than the usual £3.70 an hour. Bullethead reckons that Tim and his Missis were a regular Bonnie and Clyde duo, especially with Mrs O’Leary’s 36DD Magnums (courtesy of some Harley Street plastic surgeon).
After the karaoke experience, Christy relaxes with Dire and Marty and revels in playing the part of Mein Host. As his brother remarks on Christy’s performance, Christy jokes that he has a voice made in heaven and a body made for sin. Lance serves the table some drink and Christy non-chalantly tells Lance to put the drinks on ‘his slate’. Lance, in the funniest moment of the evening, pointedly informs Christy that he doesn’t have a ‘slate’ at the bar.
Embarrassed, Christy pulls Lance roughly down toward his level and reminds Lance that that’s merely an expression. As Lance leaves, Christy comments on the attitude of the staff in this place, saying he’ll have to have a word with Leanne. Anyway, were Dire and Marty up for the Stay-behind?
As Christy leaves to speak with Leanne, Dire and Marty comment on the fact that they can’t remember the last time they had a night out. It actually wasn’t turning out to be that bad. In fact, life was beginning to work out for them at last. Ant seemed to be settling in at secondary school all right - no further evidence of bullying. And Adele was O.K. now - thanks to Dire, Marty adds. (Thanks to Dire!!! Is he besotted or just plain mad? His wife did everything in her limited power to ruin her stepdaughter’s life and mental health. And she’s done precious little to aid her since, branding her a liar at the best of times).
Suddenly, Marty has an awful premonition and seeks reassurance from his bleach-brained, brittle-faced wife. No matter what happens with the IVF treatment, as a couple, they are all right, aren’t they? Faceache Dire hesitates for a fraction of a second, not wishing to crack the plaster of Paris adorning her face, but she finally reassures him that their relationship is sound ... (Not).
Tim has returned to Hotel Corkhill and is having a brief word with Jimmy. He just wants Jimmy to know that he realises that quarters are a bit cramped in the Corkhill home at the moment. But he promises Jimmy that as soon as he has a job sorted, he and Emily will be looking for a flat of their own.
Jimmy protests that Tim can stay as long as the couple liked. He would sort it with Jackie, if that’s what was bothering Tim. Tim leaves again, and Jackie re-enters the room, remarking on Tim’s leaving and asking where Emily was to be found.
Jimmy ignores her polite questioning, and Jackie changes the subject slightly. How about, she suggests, when she’s a bit more settled in, the couple invite a few of the neighbours around for a get-together? For example, Jackie ventures, they could invite Ron and Anthea around, perhaps?
Only, she saw Jimmy talking with Anthea earlier, and poor Anthea looked worried. Well, she supposed that she would be, poor mare, with her husband up on a murder charge and all. What a good friend she was for Jimmy, she remarks again.
Jimmy eyes Jackie suspiciously, wanting to know the reason behind her third degree.
Jackie shrugs. No reason. She’s just curious. Why, she’s away for a few weeks, and when she comes back, Jimmy and Anthea suddenly seem to have become good pals. She wants Jimmy to be honest with her, as he’s so intent on demanding honesty from her. Is there anything between him and Anthea Dixon?
Jimmy suddenly loses control. He can’t take this anymore, he explodes. He’s sick of it, sick of it all. Sick of Jackie being around again. He thought he could bear it, but he was wrong. In fact, he couldn’t bear the thought of Jackie and Jimmy being together again. But he had to let her come back, he explains. If he hadn’t, he would have spent the rest of his life wondering if they should have divorced at all. Now, he knows. They should. Jimmy wants his life back, the life he had and was enjoying AFTER Jackie had left.
They were finished. He couldn’t stand her anymore. She would have to go. Get out.
Interlude: Adele and Michelle sit in the sitcom lounge, each entwined in a lad’s arms. Michelle is joined at the hip to Baby Bro Thugfest, whilst RAdele, she gets the prize piece of beef jerky - Bullethead Thugfest, himself, who appears to be giving her a tonsillectomy with his tongue. He comes up for air long enough to suggest Adele show him her bedroom wallpaper, and the quartet adjourn upstairs.
A sneaky-looking Jerome is seen knocking surreptitiously on the door of the Shadwick Hilton bungalow. Jessie answers and, glancing around apprehensively, steps furtively outside. She’s sent a message to Jerome, who informs her that he got her message. Jessie puts her finger to her lips, in true cloak-and-dagger style. Nikki is at work, she whispers. But she wants Jerome to know that she didn’t call him round here to tick him off.
She’d had a word with Nikki, she lies. And Nikki was all right. Perhaps Jerome was interested in meeting up with Nikki, just for a chat? Jerome isn’t sure about this. The last time he tried talking to Nikki, he ended up with a lager shampoo.
Well, things have changed, Jessie informs him. She couldn’t be certain, but she thinks Nikki wants to give their relationship another go. Not a word to anyone, now, not even Nikki. Jess would put in a word, but until that time, it was their secret.
The DJ at the karaoke night puts on a smoochy song and implores the punters to feel like moving onto the dance floor. So far, Christy and Leanne, locked together in a passionate embrace disguised as dancing, are the only ones to take up the offer. Marty asks a weary-looking Dire if she ‘feels like moving’, meaning it’s time to hit the road home.
Poor, despondent Jackie Corkhill stands on the Corkhill doorstep, her overnight bag gripped in her hand. She is telling Jimmy that she’ll call around to pick up William in the morning. If the child wakes in the night and asks for her, Jimmy is to ring Val. Jackie really means that if the boy wakes up and Jimmy can’t handle him, he’s to ring Val, Jimmy remarks, sarcastically. He can manage perfectly well without Jackie, he informs her self-righteously.
So this is it? Asks Jackie, rhetorically. It’s over, is it?
Jimmy, with that incredibly slappable smug look of self-righteousness that’s inhabited his face of late, prissily informs Jackie that their marriage was over long ago, but he didn’t have the courage to admit it.
Jackie turns sadly and walks away.
As she walks from the Close, she passes the returning Murrays, and Marty hails her in greeting, but she ignores him totally.
Marty mutters, ‘Miserable cow’ under his breath. (He could be talking about Dire). They enter the house and hear the sounds of indie pop music emanating from upstairs. Dire is bursting for a wee and hurries upstairs, wondering where Adele is. (This is stupid. As there’s music coming from upstairs, it’s safe to assume that the girl is up there).
As the couple reach the landing outside the girl’s room, they knock on the door. Adele opens the door, buttoning her top; Bullethead appears in back of her. Then Michelle appears, and Baby Bro makes his presence known. The Murrays are shocked beyond belief and Marty bellows at the lads to get out, as they scarper downstairs.
They run from the house, with Marty in hot pursuit, calling them ‘no-marks’ as they run. They counter by calling him ‘Granddad’. As he retreats within the house to mete punishment to Adele, it’s clear the lads haven’t finished. Marty bounds back upstairs to the landing, and the lads start their car, but leave it stationary with the engine running.
Dire and Marty are giving the girls the mother of all telling -offs. Adele, Dire informs the girl, is now up to her neck in it. And to cop it all, the girl had been drinking. Didn’t she stop and think? Hadn’t she learned anything from her previous experience? Adele protests that they were only kissing the boys, and Dire rounds on Michelle, threatening to tell the girl’s mother.
Marty demands names and addresses of the lads and pronto. He wants words with their parents. Adele admits that they can’t provide names and addresses, as they only met the boys the day before.
Tim and Jerome are returning to the Close and they clock Bullethead and Thugfest loading the Murray video into the boot of the waiting car. As the pair disappear into the house, Tim runs toward the car and slams the boot shut. Then, getting in behind the wheel, he admonishes Jerome not to tell Emily and drives off. When the lads emerge, carrying the Murray television, they note that the car’s been stolen, and decide to leg it, carrying the television between them.
The Murrays frog-march the recalcitrant girls down the stairs, Dire bleating the same old nagging song eight to the bar once again. Hadn’t Adele learned anything from last time? Yadda yadda yadda ... Marty takes up the tune as Dire is the first to enter the lounge area. Marty is so intent on telling the girls off that he doesn’t notice anything different about the room at first. It’s Dire who notices. She calls his attention to the gaps where the television and video formerly were. Turning to Adele, she shouts accusingly, ‘What have you done?’
Nice to know some people’s attitudes never change.
Summary © 2001 Marion Watts
Brookside and all related materials are © Mersey Television 1982-2001