Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Well, that’s what the book says, doesn’t it? No surprise that piece of tripe’s been written by a ... Er, by the sort of person who’s not been very much in favour with the Brookside crew since Bazza Grant departed. I’m talking about the MALE of the species, and boy, in this hour-long ‘special’ outdid itself tonight in the general denigration of the common MALE. Oh, it was all about Men v Women, what Men do badly and what they don’t do even worse. We had Stubborn Male, Brutish Male, Doltish Male, Big-Mouth Male, Dim Male, and Manipulated Male in this episode. We even had Posthumous Male, because it’s obvious that Clint’s still calling the shots here too. Males in all shapes, sizes and colours were castigated left, right and centre. However, one female character came off quite badly, but then, she’s leaving she show; and no surprises that she was castigated tonight for being loyal to her father, who happens to be ... That’s right ... A MALE.
We start with the aftermath of the Murrays’ latest intrafamilial confrontation - the fact that the Plank has come down firmly on Geoff’s side of the fence regarding his boss’s inept, ineffectual and awkward fondling of the Murray mother. Marty, Dad Murray, a MALE, is not pleased at all with the Plank, a WOODEN MALE. He finds it hard to believe that the Plank, having been raised by Diane, would believe that she lied about the encounter with Geoff in the Murray kitchen. Plank plays tough.
‘I call it like I see it,’ he says, in his best worst John Wayne voice.
Marty still cannot believe that the Plank would be so blinkered by Geoff and the perks of an association with Geoff as to accuse his stepmother of lying and duplicious behaviour. The Plank, rather unconvincingly, asserts that it’s not so difficult to believe that Diane would have misunderstood the encounter. And he dismisses his father, by condescendingly suggesting that Marty go off to work.
‘If you’re going to insult my wife,’ warns Marty, preparing to exit, ‘then there’s no place for you under this roof. If you want to stay, you’ll have to make an apology.’
After he goes, the Plank lifts the telephone receiver to make a call.
Over at the Johnson abode, Mick, a MALE, is happy. He’s planning a wedding. His beloved, Vonnie, enters the house from the back garden. The school term is over and she’s at rest from her teaching job. Cripes, the look of her would strike fear into the stroppiest kid. She’s got biceps like Lennox Lewis. Mick, however, is pampering his muscle-bound madam. She’s been allowed to sleep late today, and he wants her to have a lazy day sunning herself in the garden.
Vonnie looks uneasy around Mick and mutters that she’ll probably just finish her book. Mick, however, is off to town. He tells Vonnie a little porky - that he’s off to buy some stuff for a special dinner tonight, just the two of them; he has a surprise planned. (Little does she realise that he’s planning to buy something a bit more special than food). With his characteristic ‘hee-hee-hee’, Mick departs.
Next we visit the Dixons. Rachel has just returned from shopping, which is totally illogical, because Rachel is SKINT. Mike, her husband and a MALE, is berating her. He’s suspicious that she’s even been shopping at all - and that’s not surprising, considering the whoppers Rachel’s been telling him lately about her whereabouts. In fact, Mike’s not above suspecting she’s been to the Chapel of Rest again with Katie. Rachel assures him that she hasn’t been there again, but she only went the first time to be of some support for Katie. Mike remarks sarcastically that he’s surprised she hasn’t actually been to visit the Moffatts, themselves.
Anthea is witness to this conversation, whilst ironing in the kitchen. Rachel whispers to Anthea that she visited the Chapel of Rest with Katie, and whilst there, they ran into Ma Moffatt, who was beside herself with grief. Anthea empathises, saying it’s never easy for a mother to lose a child. (Well, Ron’s lost a child and in tragic circumstances too. Why is no mention ever made of this?) Anthea promises Rachel that she won’t let onto Mike that she’s actually seen Rachel with Katie before. Rachel thanks her gratefully, saying she knew she could trust Anthea, who returns the compliment by telling Anthea that she knows she can rely on Rachel not to tell Ron.
(Sorry, maybe I’m a bit old fashioned; but I thought married people were SUPPOSED to be above secrets and deception. And when it comes to deciding between a spouse and a some-time friend, then the spouse wins hands-down).
As Mick departs for his Secret Mission, he runs into Tim and Em. Tim is a MALE, who owes Mick rent. Of course, Mick asks when he can expect the overdue money. Emily tries to explain, yet again, that they had the money, but her purse was stolen (by Antony Murray, a MALE who is being bullied by two girls). Mick furnishes them with one essential ground rule for chez Johnson. If you live here, you have to pay rent. The deadline for the rent is today, and he’ll leave them to consider how they can get the money to pay him.
After he leaves, Emily makes a decision. She’s tired of being skint all the time. The only way they were going to have real money would be if she resumed her modelling career. Tim refuses point-blank to ALLOW his wife to do this (typically MALE, that). Emily informs him that it’s her body, and she’ll do what she wants with it. Tim informs her that her body is HIS body too - implying that Emily is some sort of chattel (another MALE assumption) and she is NOT to even consider modelling. End of story.
Emily informs Tim that as he’s intent on acting the part of the HUSBAND, sorry, ‘oosband, then it’s up to him to come up with an alternative plan of making money.
By now Mick’s made it as far as the garage on The Parade, where he’s filling his car. He runs into Jerome, a MALE who’s a student. Jerome asks if his mum is at home and when told that she is, he decides he’d better see her as he owes her a tenner. Mick takes the opportunity to ask Jerome if he’ll be considerate enought to make himself scarce that evening, as Mick wanted to be alone with Yvonne.
Jerome is intrigued. Mick tells the lad he’s on his way to town to buy a surprise for Vonnie. She thinks he’s going to fix her a special meal, but he’s on his way to buy an engagement ring - and he shows Jerome the brochure illustrating several rings. If all goes well, by the time Jerome returns this evening, Vonnie could be wearing said ring. Still wearing a grin, Mick departs, leaving Jerome with a slightly worried look on his face.
Now we know the recipient of the Plank’s phone call - none other than the lovely Trona, she of the Douglas dimpled chin implant. He’s visiting her in what appears to be the office of her creche. The Plank has a confession to make. He tells her that he’s given the matter some thought, and he now believes his stepmother’s version of events concerning the incident between her and Geoff, is true. (Actually, faced with the prospect of being kicked out of the family home, where he’s heavily subsidised, and forced to live temporarily with his prospective in-laws before paying his own way, proved a bit too much for the addled sawdust that inhabits the Plank’s head).Trona, needless to say, is gob-smacked and reacts with great consternation. She cannot believe anyone, much less her sanded and varnished lover-boy, would doubt her darling Daddy’s word. Why would Geoff want to lie about an incident like that, honourable, up-standing man that he was? Why, when she was a little girl, Geoff used to proselytise about the importance of telling the truth. (A word, Trona, your dad’s supposed to be an extremely successful businessman. They NEVER get to the top without telling a few major porkies - look at Lord Archer).
Plank ventures the theory that perhaps that’s why Geoff lied - he was ashamed of himself and was trying to hide the truth. He says he thought about the possibility of Diane lying about the incident, but then he realised how much she and Marty were in love with each other as a couple; and he couldn’t imagine her ever seeking comfort in another man.
So, surmises Trona, who isn’t exactly a great one for common-sense logic, does that mean that Geoff is a perv? And if he’s really a perv and has been lying about the incident all along, does that mean that SHE’S a liar too for believing him and propagating his story?
The Plank has to think about this one. It really taxes his integrity. He mutters that he supposes that does make Trona a liar (although the logic of this argument baffles me immensely. The girl believed her dad’s version of events. It doesn’t mean she, herself, is a liar). Well, remarks, Trona, then the Plank better decide if he wants to continue being seen with someone who’s tantamount to being a bare-faced liar.
Back at the Johnsons’, Jerome and Vonnie are sitting in the back garden, having a mother and child discussion. They are watched out the back window by Tim and Em. Emily has the idea of touching either Jerome or Vonnie for the rent money as a loan, but Tim forbids even thinking about it. All that would mean is that they would owe yet another person. There’s only one solution for this: Tim was going to have to rob the money.
Emily adamantly refuses to consider that option. If she’s forbidden to model, then he’s forbidden to break the law again. She has a better idea. They could sell something. Like cannabis? Ventures Tim hopefully. Of course not, scoffs Emily. Belongings, she explains. There’s loads of stuff they could sell upstairs - clothing they no longer wore and CD’s they no longer listened to (you know, all the stuff they bought with the fraudulent credit cards). Why, there was a shop downtown that bought gear like that, and those studenty-types were always forking out for it. (Got news for you, Em, those ‘studenty-types’ wouldn’t be caught dead in your tarty gear). And she makes a dash up the stairs to do an inventory.
Tim calls after her NOT to sell the Oasis CD - it was the first one he bought (presumably, this refers to ‘What’s the Story, Morning Glory?’) Emily retorts that in times of crisis, one has to make sacrifices.
Back we shift to the Trona-Plank discussions. Trona STILL can’t fathom the Plank’s disloyalty. Look at everything Geoff had done for the Plank - given him the best job in the company and with good wages, a thousand-pound bonus et al - and the Plank believes Diane’s version of events. The Plank reiterates that it’s Diane’s closeness to Marty that swayed his opinion. No other couple he knew were as close as they ... Until last week, reminds Trona.
The Plank tries to soften things by saying that perhaps Geoff merely lost the plot for awhile in the heat of the moment. Trona then tries the ‘girlfriend’ tack with the Plank. Doesn’t appear to be much of a future for them as a couple, she pouts. The Plank has had just about as much of her as he could take. In fact, he tells her that he’s patently sick of her constantly pressurising him about marriage, his job and money in general. She was so concerned about her father’s image. Perhaps she should just get back with her Daddy and let the Plank get on with his life.
Sinister goings on in the Johnson household in Mick’s absence. A suitcase is being packed by Yvonne. Jerome enters the room, to her surprise. She thought he was taking a nap after being out until all hours the night before. Jerome wants to know the reason behind the packed suitcase. Yvonne replies that she’s moving out.
Rachel Dixon is thumbing through the Yellow Pages and draws a ring around a number for a florist. Mike appears and peers over her shoulder. He jumps to a conclusion. What’s she doing ringing a florist? It wouldn’t be flowers for a funeral, by any chance, would it? The Moffatt funeral, perhaps? Why just send flowers, asks Mike, why not send a wreath?
Rachel snaps that the flowers were for her sister Beth’s grave. She died six years ago this week. And it’s her business if she wants to go to the Moffatt funeral.
Jerome and his mother are still discussing her plans to vacate the Johnson household. Apparently, Vonnie wants to do a runner before Mick returns in order to avoid a confrontation. (NOT a good idea). Jerome thinks he understands his mother’s apprehension at Mick’s eagerness to marry; he advises her to give the situation a week to cool down. But Vonnie admits that she doesn’t want to be tied down.
She goes on to explain that when she and Mick first got together, it was a relief. But now his wanting to marry paints a different picture. Jerome blames himself. He rightly surmises that his disclosure about the impetuousness of Mick’s relationship with Susannah is the reason behind Vonnie’s action. He should never have told her anything about that affair. Yvonne tells Jerome that she thinks that Mick wants to take Jerome’s father’s place in her life, and no one ever could. She was fond of Mick, but didn’t want to marry him. It’s best she leave now, before Mick returns.
Jerome asks her if she knew the reason Mick was out for the morning. Vonnie says Mick muttered something about getting her a surprise. She supposed he was cooking a special meal or something. Jerome tells her that Mick has gone to town to buy her an engagement ring.
Trona and the Plank are STILL discussing their future. (This is more dialogue than they’ve had in a year!) Trona reminds Steve that serious couples should have no secrets from each other. (Wrong, girl, look at the Dixons and the Johnsons). Yet, Trona had to find out from her dad, second-hand, about Adele’s abortion. Steve remarks shortly that that was a family matter. But Trona points out that perhaps she could have helped the girl, having been through that, herself. She asks the Plank if they were finished as a couple? The Plank mutters his ubiquitous ‘S’pose so’ pouty line that’s just SOOOO annoying.
He thought he loved her, but now he thinks it’s best that she’s just out of his life. Oh, yes, and she could tell her dad he wouldn’t be in to work the next day, as he was quitting the job. He’d sort his cards out at the end of the week. As he leaves, Trona remarks spitefully that Diane must have some strong hold on the Plank, for him to give up a good job and his girl. Perhaps there was something more to Diane’s relationship with Steve, she implies, calling Diane a lying slag.
Anthea and Mike are alone in the Dixon household. Anthea is trying to explain Rachel’s feelings about Clint’s death to Mike, in relation to Katie. Rachel, she explains, is one of Katie’s oldest friends. (Correction, Anthea, Rachel is one of Katie’s TWO friends, and the one Katie treated off-handedly at the best of times, unless Katie felt that Jacqui had let her down in some way and Rachel could be used as a lever against Jacqui).Friendship is important to Rachel. (And family’s not?)
Mike replies that he feels worthless compared to Rachel’s regard for Katie, especially in this situation. He’s Rachel’s husband. Doesn’t she owe him any loyalty? Anthea tells Mike that Rachel thinks the world of him. (Could have fooled me, Anth!) Mike remarks that he feels that Rachel has no respect for him or his feelings, and Anthea retorts that Mike should have some respect for Rachel’s feelings. (Well, they are both right - neither Mike nor Rachel have any respect for each other. In fact, Rachel has no respect for the Dixons in general - and she doesn’t have much respect for Anthea past the fact that Anthea is willing to lie and keep secrets for her, as well as bail her out of sticky financial situations. Harken back to Rachel’s remark when Anthea ticked the pair of them off for leaving her to care for Beth. All Rachel was concerned about was the fact that Anthea would most likely no longer lend them cash).
Tim and Emily have completed a successful and legitimate business venture and are chuffed to hand the rent money, albeit £20 short, to Mick, who is just pulling up to his home in his car. Mick is surprised, yet suspicious as to how they acquired the dosh. The couple explain that they sold some personal belongings. It was £20 short of what they owed him, but they would make that up as soon as possible, as they didn’t get as much as they wanted for their gear. Mick is in a good mood and congratulates them on their ingenuity in the situation.
He has a couple of favours to ask the pair. First, would they make sure that they made themselves scarce tonight, as he wants some quality time with Yvonne. And second, would they go ‘round the ‘offy’ and buy a bottle of champers and some good chocolates. Emily asks if he’s planning a party. Mick laughs that it’s a party for him and Yvonne and hands Emily the money for the goods.
Ah, but Mick is unaware of all that awaits him inside chez Johnson. Jerome is helping his Supermodel Mum finish her packing, but now without some moralistic admonitions. He tells her it’s wrong for her just to leave whilst Mick is out, without even giving the bloke an explanation. Vonnie says that she can’t cope with seeing Mick at the moment. In her state of mind, if she saw him and tried to explain her situation to him, she was afraid once Mick started talking, she might change her mind and stay, but for all the wrong reasons.
Jerome is quick to point out that, if the roles were reversed and he were doing a flit on a girlfriend like that, Vonnie would be quick to condemn his actions, but Yvonne maintains that she is doing what’s right for HER. Hmmm ... Brookside Close seems awash with deceptive females today. Unbeknownst to the filial pair, Mick enters the room, surprised to see a packed suitcase. He’s shocked into speechlessness, but holds the ring in a small gift bag behind his back.
The Plank returns home from his decisive encounter with Trona. The walk back to The Close has given him just enough time to feel sorry for himself. Marty is there, but Marty is always there. He must be the only school caretaker in history to spend more time at home than at his job. Anyway, the Plank sits sulkily in the lounge and announces to his father his split with Trona. Not only has he split with her, he’s jacked in his job as well, just as Marty wanted. Marty tries to empathise with his son, but the Plank has a go at him, saying that Marty never liked KATRINA anyway. He was always poking fun at her, calling her Trona, making light of the fact that she was dim. And he got rid of a perfectly good job and all - good wages, good perks, a job he liked and with potential. After all, he couldn’t continue to work for Geoff after splitting with Geoff’s princess, could he - not that Geoff would want him to anyway.
Left alone, Mick and Yvonne attempt to talk about the situation that’s resulted in Vonnie leaving. Mick is astonished that she was just about to leave, whilst he was out. Yvonne tries to explain, saying that she couldn’t face talking to Mick at this moment. She was afraid that once he started talking to her, he would effectively change her mind for her.
Mick is flabbergasted. How wrong is that idea? Mick thought things between the pair were great - they enjoyed each other’s company, made each other laugh, Vonnie regularly put Mick in his place and he accepted it, she gave a great massage. The sex was great - they hardly got much sleep at all in bed. Vonnie, however, felt things were going too fast with the M word being brought up. (Hey, Vonnie could move in with Mick, want to pursue a relationship after their initial sexual encounter, and sleep with him regularly and actively, and NOT want a commitment. Vonnie, girls, is USING Mick as a sex toy, something that would be roundly condemned if the roles were reversed).
Listening to Mick, Vonnie reiterates that an active sex life is no reason to get married. Mick is being too precipitous. If marriage is what MICK needs, Yvonne patently doesn’t.
Mick is silent for a moment, and then he goes into Beppe DiMarco-Steve Owen-Phil Mitchell whispering mode, pondering Vonnie’s proposed action. So, he muses, Mick would have come home from the shops to find Yvonne gone. He would have figured maybe she was out, fixed the meal and sat down to wait. Time would pass and there would be no sign of her. He would have been worried sick. Yvonne lamely says that she would have left a note or something. (Make me laugh! This is the TEACHER who referred to a teenage pregnancy as a ‘one night stand’.)
A horn sounds outside, and Jerome appears to say that Vonnie’s taxi has arrived. Jerome proceeds to help her move her things outside. She pauses briefly to tell Mick that he’s a ‘lovely guy’ and that whilst part of her wants to stay with him, a bigger part of her wants to go. She says she’s sorry and leaves. Mick is left gazing at the ring he bought for her.
Tim and Emily appear on the Close at that moment, toting the champers and chocs. Tim is wishing he had the dosh to buy something like that for Em, but she tells him that they won’t be skint forever. Suddenly, they spot the taxi with Yvonne, packed and taking leave of Jerome. Emily remarks that it looks as though Yvonne is moving out. Mick must be gutted, she reckons. Mick appears and tries vainly to speak to Yvonne through the glass of the taxi, but the car leaves with her in it. Tim and Em approach him with their bounty, asking if Yvonne’s gone for good; but Mick maintains that she will only be gone for a couple of days in order to sort things out.
Emily hands him the champagne and chocolates. Mick looks at the articles briefly, before dashing the drink and chocs against the house.
Back at the Dixons’, Mike apologises for misunderstanding the reason Rachel was ordering flowers. But, he continues, he still can’t fathom Rachel’s desire to attend Clint’s funeral. Rachel says she’s going for Katie’s sake and to support her. Anyway, it was her choice and nothing to do with Mike. Mike is quick to remind Rachel of Ron’s predicament. Rachel was Ron’s daughter-in-law and the mother of his grandchild. Does she have no respect for Ron? After all, she lives in his house.
Rachel tries to explain that she and Katie have been friends for a long time, but Mike snaps from the strain. Katie, Katie, Katie ... It’s always Katie. Sometimes he feels she loves Katie more than she loves him. Maybe she’d like a choice - she can continue to consort with her bezzy mate Katie, or she can remain his wife. In short, she’s welcome to go to Clint’s funeral; but if she does, she goes out of this house.
(Is Rachel the natural successor to the likes of Diana Corkhill, Jackie Corkhill and Trona? Because Mike should remind his perpetually dim wife, who seeks to please all and ends up hurting many, of the havoc Katie Rogers wreaked in the house at the time of their wedding, bullying Rachel into refusing Jacqui a place in her wedding party. Katie is a psychological bully, and Rachel is easy prey.)
(End of Part I)
It’s the next day and Rachel runs into Katie on The Parade. Rachel is really upset and sorry, but she has to ask if perhaps Katie has someone else who could go to the funeral with her. (WHY CAN’T KATIE GO WITH MA MOFFATT?!!!!!) Looking suspiciously at Rachel, Katie remarks that her mum is in London, and anyway she’d never met Clint (but she’s still your mum, Katie); and Sammy was having ‘fella trouble’ at the moment. Why wasn’t Rachel coming?
Rachel explains that Mike has issued an ultimatum to her. She has to choose between him or Katie. Katie assumes a self-pitying air and insists that Rachel listen to her husband. After all, Mike was her husband; Katie was ‘just a friend’ and Mike was more important. Poor Katie would just have to cope on her own. And she mopes off, making Rachel feel like a prize piece of shit, which is what the po-faced little bitch intended all along.
Mick returns to the Johnson abode to encounter Jerome. He asks the lad if Vonnie’s rung? Getting a negative answer, Mick decides he’s going to make a cup of coffee and have a shower.
Another day in the Murray house, sees the Plank departing to pound the pavement in search of work. Marty tells him there’s post for him, including a postcard from Adele, who sounds as though she’s having fun with Michelle and her mum. There’s also some untouched toast for the Plank. He glances briefly at Adele’s card and at the post for him, announcing to Marty that ‘it’s just a bill’. He then informs his dad that he’s going out to look for a job - and if he’s really lucky, a girlfriend.
The sniping still continues in the Dixon household. Anthea is trying to convince Mike to let Rachel attend Clint’s funeral for Katie’s sake. Mike is unmoveable. Anthea accuses Mike of not caring about how Rachel feels in this situation. Mike counters by asserting that it appears that Rachel doesn’t care about his feelings. It would appear that she cared more about the fact that Clint died, then about the fact of what his father had to endure to drive him to do what he did. Anthea maintains that Rachel and Katie have been friends for a long time. It was important to Rachel to show compassion and support in times of crisis for her friends. (Funny, neither Katie nor Rachel have shown such compassion and support for Jacqui Dixon in times of crisis? But they’ve been happy enough to accept Jacqui’s bounty).
Rachel enters, saying she’s going to visit Beth’s grave. Anthea asks if she wants some company, but Rachel says she’d prefer to go alone. She could talk to Beth then and not feel silly. In an incredibly tactless act of rudeness, Rachel treats Mike as if he weren’t there, asking Anthea to make sure that Mike gets his taxi OK and goes to his physio. Anthea promises. It’s a classic exhibition of the way able-bodied people often speak of disabled people in the third person whilst they are present, as if they are incapable of hearing or unworthy of understanding. Mike shouts out to remind them sarcastically that he IS in the room. There was no need to treat him as though he wasn’t there, just because he couldn’t walk.
After Mick Johnson’s safely ensconced in his shower, his doorbell rings and Jerome answers it. It’s Yvonne, who, as she enters tentatively, asks if Mick’s at home. Jerome tells her that he’s having a shower and asks if she’s thought better of her actions yesterday and decided to move back in.
Vonnie says she feels bad, but she didn’t return to stay. After taking the initiative of moving out, she feels better prepared to discuss the situation with Mick, so she’s returned to show him the respect he deserves and, thereby, perhaps to part on better terms. She asks Jerome how Mick is coping. Jerome replies that the previous evening, Mick was gutted and hardly had two words to say, which was, after all, understandable. Yvonne asks Jerome to give her and Mick some time alone so they could discuss their relationship.
Back at the Dixons’, as Mike refuses to consider what Rachel perceives as her inborne right to disregard her husband’s opinion (rather than to disagree civilly), Anthea has taken it upon herself to berate him about his attitude toward Rachel wanting to attend Clint’s funeral, as he prepares to attend physiotherapy. Anthea tries to tell him that if Rachel doesn’t go, she’s letting a good friend down and that it was stupid of Mike to make her choose between himself and Katie.
Mike reminds Anthea of Ron’s predicament, but Anthea confidently assures him that she can handle Ron. Mike retorts that by attending the funeral, the action would appear to outsiders that Rachel wasn’t supporting her father-in-law. He also tells Anthea that Robbie Moffatt would be sure to be there. Any sight of the Dixons anywhere near the funeral, would be like waving a red flag to a bull as far as Robbie was concerned. Anthea primly reminds him that Rachel would be attending a funeral. Surely Robbie wouldn’t do anything untoward at his brother’s funeral.
Mick, finished with his shower, comes downstairs to find Yvonne waiting for him. He’s overjoyed to see her. As she makes an attempt to explain her presence, he interrupts her, babbling that he was wrong to ask her to marry him so soon, that he’d thought it all out and the relationship could develop at her pace etc etc.
Meanwhile, outside on The Close, Ma Moffatt stands distractedly, gazing silently and sadly at the surroundings. Before I proceed, I want to say a word about the actress who plays this woman. Where DID the Brookie bods find her? I’m sure she probably looks like a blue-blooded Duchess in real life, but they’ve managed to give her the sublimely accurate hard-bitten, down-trodden, chip-on-the-shoulder look of real trailer trash. She’s got the face you’d expect to see staring out at you from a Red-Topped article about some little future felon from the underbelly of society. She’d be the mum, whose evil, wicked little monster has just been thrown out of his fifteenth school at the age of ten, this time for biting a teacher, blinding a pupil and sexually assaulting another, whilst joyriding. Served with an anti-social order and named and shamed, we could just see Ma Moffatt’s doppelganger whining to the waiting press that little Kevin/Shane/Lee/Wayne etc was really a good boy; it was the school’s fault he was like he was. ‘’E ain’t bad, just lahvley’. You know the sort - the sort who threatens the teacher with a good hiding if she as much as tries to discipline her kid.
But I digress ...
She stands in the middle of The Close as Jessie Shadwick approaches her. Jess asks if she can be of help, as the woman seems lost. Ma Moffatt asks the whereabouts of the Dixon house and Jessie points the house to her, which is situated behind her. Ma Moffatt gazes wordlessly at the house.
Mick continues to try to convince Vonnie that she should give him another chance. In fact, he’s changed his tune considerably since the day before. Yvonne doesn’t realise how wrong she is to end their relationship. Almost pleading, Mick tells her that they needn’t get married yet. They needn’t get married at all. Who needs marriage to confirm how good they are together and how committed they are to one another? Vonnie is left gasping for words.
Ma Moffatt rings the Dixon doorbell and Anthea answers. In the distance, we see Jessie Shadwick peering from her front window. Ma Moffatt introduces herself, and Anthea assumes she’s looking for Katie. She tells the woman that Katie lives around the corner on The Parade. But Ma Moffatt says she isn’t looking for Katie. She simply wants to see where her son died. Anthea looks apprehensive and reminds her that the police had advised the Moffatts to steer well clear of the Dixons. All of a sudden, Ma Moffatt affects a funny turn, slumping against the frame of the door. Jessie continues to watch curiously in the background.
Ma Moffatt begins to cry softly, and, catching a glimpse of Jessie’s face in the front window of the bungalow, Anthea suggests that Ma Moffatt come in for a drink of water.
Mick and Yvonne are still talking, rather, Mick is still talking AT Yvonne. He admits he’s made mistakes in their relationship; but he’s ready to take the pressure off, if she’ll just give him another chance. Yvonne tells Mick he isn’t even listening to her reasons (well, he won’t even let her get a word in edgeways). But Vonnie is just as bad, because then SHE starts talking at Mick just as much as he’s talking at her.
He says he couldn’t believe it when she walked out on him, but then he realised he was probably in the wrong for wanting too much too soon from their relationship. Please, he pleads, couldn’t they just start again?
The bicepped beauty finally gets to speak. When she does, she admits that she’s not sure at all why she came here now. As we all know that Vonnie is the soul of tact (NOT), she proceeds to insert her preverbial foot into her mouth and shove forcefully. Mick’s a good guy, she confesses, but it’s been less than a year since Susannah died and she doesn’t think he’s actually finished grieving for her yet. In fact, she feels that she’s stepping into Susannah’s shoes. She actually implies that Mick is a serial romancer, that he feels the need to have a full-blown (no pun intended here) romance with every woman to whom he’s attracted, to the point that he wants their relationship to be a permanent one.
Back at the scene of the crime (i.e., the Dixons’), Anthea and Ma Moffatt stand in the Dixon kitchen, with Ma bending over and peering religiously at the hole in the carpet that once soaked up the Sainted Clint’s blood. She remarks that she’s trying to picture him lying there dead, noting how difficult it was for a mother to lose her child. (ASIDE: NOW, don’t you think it would be a good time for ANTHEA to reveal to Ma Moffatt that RON has lost a child, himself, and in tragic circumstances? Where are the pictures of Tony Dixon that used to clutter the Dixon living room? She could have told Ma the circumstances surrounding Tony’s death and how his killer lives just across the Close. It may not have done much, but it might have made Ma realise that Ron has suffered in the same manner as she has, But nooooooooooo ...)
She asks Anthea if she has any children, and Anthea tells her about Megan. Ma asks how old Megan is. Anthea reveals that she’s 22 (well, actually, Anth, she should be 20, as she was born a year after Tony Dixon, but hey, this is Brookside, and who gives a toss about ages?) Ma remarks that the Sainted Clint was 23 and then proceeds to reminisce about the Sainted Clint’s childhood, picturing him seated on his little bed, playing with his toys and in a world of his own. (Nice to know not much changed when he became an adult). She thanks Anthea for allowing her into her home; it’s made his death and his end seem more real, and Ma Moffatt begins to cry again, as the gullible Anthea forgets she’s married to Ron, who loves and tries to protect her, and she begins to blub too.
The Johnson negotiations are still continuing, and Mick’s suffered a bit of a shock when Vonnie mentioned Susannah and her part in their relationship. In fact, Mick’s astonished. He informs Vonnie that, for her information, Susannah ended up treating him like dirt; so ‘mourning’ wasn’t exactly the word he would apply to himself. And where was Vonnie coming from, talking about the ‘speed’ with which Mick entered relationships? Where had she heard stuff like this? Suddenly, he susses that Jerome has probably been talking to her about Mick and Susannah.
Ma Moffatt and Anthea are still in the Dixon lounge, only, Anthea’s actually invited the woman to sit and pass the time, but she’s now preparing to leave, as Anthea tells her that she has to go upstairs and check on Beth. Ma thanks her again, saying it meant a lot for her to come here. At that moment, a key turns in the front door and Anthea freezes; but it’s only Rachel. When she enters the room, she stops when she sees Ma Moffatt, who recognises her from the Chapel of Rest.
Mick, meanwhile, is intent on sorting Jerome out, as - in his eyes - Jerome’s responsible for ending his relationship with Yvonne. He dashes purposely up the stairs, his brow like thunder and a frightened Vonnie in his wake. He’s bellowing for Jerome. Entering the lad’s room, he accuses Jerome of poisoning Vonnie against him. Jerome is startled and protests his innocence. Mick recounts everything he’s done for Jerome, still accusing him, before he grabs the lad viciously by the arm and twists it.
Both Vonnie and Jerome are shocked by Mick’s ‘violence’.
Ma Moffatt is taking her leave of Anthea and Rachel, who’s now holding Beth. Ma tells Rachel piously to treasure every moment she has with Beth, while Beth’s small, saying this as the three women move toward the door. But just as they reach the door, they hear a taxi pull up. Looking out the window, they see Mike Dixon alight from the vehicle. Mike looks up and sees Ma Moffatt standing on the Dixon doorstep with Anthea and Rachel and goes ballistic.
‘What’s she doing here?’ He demands. Rachel and Anthea stutter replies, saying that she only came to see where Clint died. Mike is appalled that the woman was allowed on the premises. Didn’t they realise the police had prohibited the Moffatts from coming near the Dixons? Ma Moffatt should have been summarily sent back to the gutter where she belongs. But then, he surmises, Robbie probably sent her over to case the joint, so more of the Moffatt family could come by later and continue terrorising the family.
Ma Moffatt summons her dignity to confront Mike. (Looks as though the boy Marquess has been reading his Southern lit, in particular William Faulkner, who always maintained there was a certain dignity in Poor White Trash). She informs Mike that he knows nothing about her, but his father has been accused of murdering her son. She reckons Mike feels that the Sainted Clint got what he deserves; but will he feel the same about Ron, when Ron’s sentenced to life imprisonment? She reckons not. And she turns and walks away, with Mike shouting after her not to come back.
When she’s gone, he turns angrily to Rachel. How could she be so stupid to let the woman inside the house? Or is this another part of her great friendship with Katie? Did Katie put her up to this? Anthea’s making protests in the background, confessing that she let the woman into the house and describing the circumstances. Mike turns viciously to her.
‘Then you’re even worse,’ he shouts at her. ‘You want to remember you’re married to me dad.’ He glances at Rachel and says that now he knows who’s been influencing her in her behaviour. (Quite right. But the truth remains that Anthea and Rachel are just two of at least FOUR very selfish women living on the Close at the moment - Yvonne and Diane Murray being the other two). Mike stomps into the house.
A peaceful interlude at the Murrays. The Plank has returned from his foray into plodding the pavements and guess what? There are no jobs ... Well, no jobs comparable to the one he had with Geoff. Surely there must be some jobs for mechanics in Liverpool, but maybe the Plank has got bigger ideas since his venture into PR with Geoff. Maybe he realises that his position in Geoff’s firm came as a result of sleeping with the boss’s daughter. But then, maybe he doesn’t. Probably the latter.
He whines to Marty about having to give up a top job with good money and perks. Marty hands him the post he previously refused to open. The bill turns out to be a credit card bill, and The Plank owes thousands. (High living with the Evanses). Marty genuinely sympathises with his son. He knows what it’s like to be in debt. He’s been there - in fact, he IS there.
The Plank is honestly worried about paying the bill. It will take ages. Marty asks if he had to give back the grand bonus that Geoff gave him awhile back. The Plank says he didn’t but it would only be a drop in the bucket against what he owed on his card. Marty wonders if perhaps Geoff might let him have his job back, but Plank is doubtful. However, Marty reminds him that HE chose to jack the job in.
Anyway, give it time. A job will turn up, maybe even a better one than he had with Geoff. As for girls, why, Marty jokes, there’d be a queue around the corner outside when people realised he was single again. (Are the women THAT stupid in Liverpool?) Plank is morose. He’s in over his head in debt, he doesn’t hold out much hope.
Later, Diane returns home from work to hear the news of the Trona-Plank split from Marty. As they cuddle in each other’s arms, Diane supposes that the pair of them were a bit harsh with Trona, but Marty jokes that the words ‘thick’ and ‘plank’ enter his head, whenever her name is mentioned. (Funny, that - does that mean Trona had more in common with Steve than met the eye?)
Diane admits that she initially feared that the Plank and Trona would be together for life. However, Marty continues, he and Diane have some discussing to do, themselves. They have a decision to make regarding further IVF treatment. Diane wasn’t certain Marty would want to discuss this, but Marty wants to know. Diane says she’s desperate for another attempt. (Well, she would be, wouldn’t she?) But can they afford it, she asks. Marty looks worried. (Maybe he thought she’d have the good grace to refuse the offer, but she’s a selfish one, is Di.)
Jerome Johnson has decided to join his mother in vacating the Johnson house, after the ‘violent’ attack by Mick. The pair are loading Jerome’s goods into his car. Jerome remarks bitterly to Mick that he could stick around, but it would be like living on borrowed time. Mick seriously needed to sort his head out. Mick remarks that it’s Vonnie who needs to sort her head out. Jerome says that Mick showed his mother no respect.
Respect? Scoffs Mick. When did he ever NOT show her respect? (Well, when you referred to her as ‘my woman’, for one, Mick ...) Respect was all he ever tried to show her - as the widow of his cousin, by taking Jerome under his wing. Looking testily at Vonnie, he reminds her of the first night they spent together, when Vonnie told him she wasn’t looking for a one-night stand, but a proper relationship. Didn’t she realise how much he loved and respected her? What exactly was it that she wanted from him?
Yvonne manages a shameful look and admits ruefully that perhaps their encounter should have remained just a one-night stand (that phrase will come back to haunt you, Vonnie). Maybe that should have been her limit. Mick taunts her by saying that in hindsight, that was one night too many for him. Vonnie sarcastically bids him farewell, saying that perhaps one day he’ll manage to find the perfect wife. As Jerome and Vonnie drive off, Mick says bitterly, ‘Enjoy the rest of your life, Vonnie. I know I will.’
Inside the Dixon household, Anthea and Rachel are indulging in their favourite
pastime of ganging up on Mike and berating him when Ron’s not around. This
time the topic is his treatment of Ma Moffatt. Anthea nags Mike to remind him
that the woman was a
being who had lost a son. Mike tells Anthea succinctly
to get a grip. The Moffatts were nothing but trouble. Was this how she repaid
Ron’s loyalty to her? Rachel still maintains that she’s even more
determined to attend the funeral now and Mike should stop slagging Anthea off.
Mike is concerned about his father’s feelings and feels that the pair of
them are taking sides with the Moffatts, but Anthea confidently tells him that
she can handle Ron. The both of them intend to go to the funeral; if Ron doesn’t
like that, he can lump it.
Summary © 2001 Marion Watts
Brookside and all related materials are © Mersey Television 1982-2001