Tuesday, 3rd August 1999

Ryan's spent the weekend trying to find Jerome, who appears to have gone to ground following Friday's exhibition of his (severely lacking) driving skills. Mick suggests that he's over at Vonnie's place but refuses to divulge the address.

It isn't Jerome who's at the top of Mick's list of concerns, since the latter's currently on tenterhooks waiting for Mr Moore to deliver the promised summons. So far, it's not been forthcoming despite Mr Moore having visited the chippy (off-screen). Sinbad was working there at the time, and since (as far as Mr Moore is concerned) he'd been sacked, he spun the Health Inspector a line about Mick having retrained and re-hired him. It seems that Mr Moore only wanted to check that Sin and Tin were still helping out at the hospital fete on Sunday, as Mr Moore has apparently arranged some sort of 'surprise'. Probably with good reason, this revelation makes Sin feel rather apprehensive.

Also worrying about the fete is Jackie Corkhill who is rushing about badgering people into giving her jumble (well, "stuff" as Jackie insisted on describing it - twice!). She palms Wills off onto Jimmy, who would prefer not to have to look after his son, given that his intention was to spend the day working on the tapestry in the back garden. He's not working on his own though - he's drafted in Emily and Kelly to help.

Anyway, Jimmy's worst fears were soon realised as William proceeded to spend the day spilling drinks and dropping his food all over Jimmy's precious (green!) tapestry. After a while, Jackie returns "made up" from "R'Vals" with a bin bag full of "stuff" and Jim hopes that she'll now be able to take William off his hands. Jackie, however, has other ideas and wants to carry on with her preparations for the fete.

"Why? What else have you got to do?" asks Jimmy in desperation.

"I haven't even *started* making me toilet roll holders" was the unexpected reply.

"TOILET ROLL HOLDERS?" exclaims Jimmy, as viewers' minds boggle in unison. Well, they boggle away merrily, until a few minutes later when we're treated to a couple of examples of the said toilet roll holders on the clothes line (yes, clothes line!). Then the minds of an entire nation, err... still boggle!

Over on the Parade, Ryan is due to meet Abby which is all very well, except for the fact that he hasn't got anywhere to entertain her - he can hardly take her to Number Eight, can he? His solution is to ask Katie if she'd mind him using her flat "since Jacqui's away". Methinks that he's already taken the liberty of assuming that this would be okay, since Abby later strolls onto the Parade looking for "Flat 2a".

Ryan and Abby talk; Ryan introduces himself to Lia as her father. Given that she's only about 3, she thinks nothing of it. Abby concedes that she's really got little choice about letting Ryan see his daughter, but makes it clear that she expects him to pay his way. She starts by demanding three years' worth of back-maintenance. Ominously, maybe, Abby also explains that she's looking to move from Edinburgh and for the time being will be staying with her parents in London (she's stopped off en route, apparently, which is okay, because trains go from Edinburgh to London via Lime Street, don't they?). Oh yeah, and ever since the pregnancy, she and her parents haven't got on.

As Abby leaves to catch her train, Ryan decides that he wants to give her some cash - you know, start as he means to go on. Fine, except that he doesn't have any cash, so he asks Katie for another favour. Clearly against her better judgement, Katie gives Ryan £25 which he promptly hands to Abby. She moans about that sum not being enough but takes it anyway before saying goodbye to "Cathy" [Katie] and Ryan.

In the Millennium Club (where some of the corridors look suspiciously like those of Brookie Comp, to me), Greg is doing some jobs for Lindsey. Of course, he soon bumps into Susannah and amid a rather frosty atmosphere, they cautiously carry on Friday's conversation. Greg insists that he can't control who he falls in love with, whilst Susannah tells him, gently:

"I love *you*, but not enough to be responsible for the break up of your marriage. Can't we just stay as we are?"

It's not long, however, before Susannah presents Greg with a bottle of aftershave and they move into the empty male changing rooms to. . .well, use your imagination!

At the same time, Lindsey is showing some potential clients around the Club:

"...and this is the male changing room" she says opening the door to reveal a sight which, we, the viewers, don't get to see. We do hear some grunting and groaning from within the changing rooms though, and see Lindsey hurriedly moving her guests on: "Hmm, right. Shall we head up to the pool, then?"

Later, Lindsey tells an astounded Susannah what she'd seen and expresses just how "mortified" she was. Susannah finds it all rather amusing, which doesn't do much to defuse Lindsey's anger.

Maybe Susannah should take a leaf out of Jerome's book and lie low for a while. On second thoughts though, perhaps not - being horizontal was what caused this confrontation in the first place!