CHAPTER: 9 FACING UP TO THE TRUTH Breakfast the next morning was ominously silent, only Shelley wasn't aware of what Jimmy and Jackie had discovered. They had spent the entire night trying to think of a reason for why their daughter would even consider looking twice at Callum Finnegan her arch-enemy, the man who had tried to rape her and kill her. Lindsey on the other hand had spent the night preparing her defence for when the questioning started, but so far nothing had been said, Shelley didn't even seem to notice the heavy, black cloud that hung over the table, she didn't even notice the deathly silence. To Lindsey everything seemed cold, it was the atmosphere, the coldness and the dead silence gave her the feeling of a graveyard, cold and silent, and isolated, that’s how she felt. She was been blanked by her parents and Shelley wasn't talking to her because she had left her alone in the club, it was pathetic, if only Shelley knew what had really happened that night, if she knew how close Lindsey had came to kissing Callum she would have been on the first flight home. Lindsey found it stupid, Shelley had had an affair with Jackie, her mother, Lindsey had merely danced with someone and was been treat like a criminal by Shelley. Lindsey had considered what she had nearly done that night and didn't feel bad about it like she had the first time she nearly let him kiss her. In fact she was feeling oddly sad that they had been interrupted. She hated the feeling, and she searched inside herself for her hatred of Callum and felt sick when she couldn't find it, she wanted to make herself hate him but she couldn't, even when she thought about the bad things she couldn't feel that hatred anymore. ‘What’s wrong with me!?' she suddenly screamed at herself, but she couldn't find the answer. Callum was sitting at his desk alone in his house. All the time he had been there he had loved the fact that the house was so big, that he had all that space to himself, but now it depressed him all those empty rooms and passages and there was only him on his own. He wanted someone to share it with, just so he knew that he wasn't so alone, he wanted Lindsey to share it with him, he knew that now. It was there sitting at that desk as he realized how lonely he felt when he thought about the fact that Lindsey wasn't there with him, that Lindsey would never be there with him, he realized in that second that he did love her. He had known it all along, but had never admitted it. He dropped his head onto the desk and cried for the first time since his father died, he hadn't cried at anything else, not his mother's death, not even when Rose told him that she was marrying Alasdair. It was then he realized that he hadn't loved Rose, not truly, he had loved her but not like this, the thought of Rose didn't hurt, but the thought of Lindsey did. As Lindsey lay on a sun lounge by the pool she thought about Callum and what he had told her, she hadn't believed it at first, but she did now, it made sense. Rose had married one brother because he was the richest and the most powerful, having inheritated everything from Duncan, his father, and she was sleeping with the other because he was the better looking and seemed to have the best personality. This Lindsey did consider, she had said she hated Callum but what he said to her was true, how could she hate him? she didn't know him. In three years she had came to hate him, and now after spending two nights talking to him as a person she had been willing to kiss him, maybe even sleep with him? 'No, I couldn't go that far' Lindsey thought and she was right, she didn't know him that well. " Are you alright?" Lindsey looked up, Shelley was standing over her. " What makes you ask that? Of course I'm alright" Lindsey looked away from Shelley. As if things weren't confused enough with Callum she also had her girlfriend to worry about. " Well you lot haven't spoken to each other all day, I was just wondering if you'd had an argument or something" Shelley sat down on the bed next to Lindsey's. " We're all fine really Shelley" Lindsey lied. " You look tense, do you need any stress relief or anything?" Shelley asked suggestively. " No, but you can get me another drink if you don't mind" Lindsey knew this would anger Shelley but she didn't care anymore, she and Shelley had been beyond help before they reached Portugal, the appearance of Callum had just made Lindsey think about things more clearly. " Actually I do mind! I'm going to the room to get ready for yet another night out that no doubt will go wrong like all the others have" Shelley stormed off and Lindsey let her go, she smiled it was all because of Callum telling her a few home truths, Lindsey hadn't liked what he'd said but she was stronger for it, for a change she didn't go running after Shelley, she didn't worry about what Shelley was thinking of her. Maybe it was time she stopped worrying about what Jimmy and Jackie thought as well,'No' she wasn't ready for that yet, she was afraid of what might happen if she forgot about what Jimmy and Jackie thought. She wouldn't admit it but if she stopped worrying about them then she would only come closer to Callum and that she was afraid of. " I think its time we had a little chat, don't you?" Jimmy suddenly appeared at her side. Lindsey looked up at him through her sunglasses. " No not really because I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm a grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions, thank you" with that Lindsey closed her eyes again. " It doesn't look like that from where I'm standing, if you ask me......" " Well I didn't ask you did I!" Lindsey snapped. " If you ask me you seem more confused than your average teenager in love for the first time" Jimmy continued unfazed by Lindsey's outburst. " And who said anything about love?" Lindsey asked sharply. " Well it would have to be something pretty serious for you to be acting so flamin' stupidly" CHAPTER: 10 A BURNING DESIRE They all went out together on the evening as a foursome and the atmosphere was so thick that Lindsey felt as though she was suffocating. Jackie had spotted a pub that done karaoke and she thought it would be a good laugh and that it might help lift the dark cloud hanging over them all. So when Shelley decided that she was going to get up and sing Jackie felt relief wash over her and believed her idea was working for a change. " What are you going to sing love?" Jackie asked, she wanted Jimmy and Lindsey to show some interest but they seemed detached from what was going on around them. " Its going to be a surprise" Shelley replied smiling and looking at Lindsey but Lindsey was too busy returning her dad's cold stare to notice that Shelley was looking at her. Eventually Lindsey gave in and turned her back to Jimmy so that she could watch the singers. But as she tried to focus on the karaoke her mind began to wander again, she was no longer interested in anything that was going on around her anymore, there was an open debate raging inside of her. It was two voices trying to come to a decision on what was the right thing to do but Lindsey wouldn't let it rest. She knew deep down what the verdict would be if it was decided on what was right for Lindsey, thats why Lindsey wouldn't let the decision be made for her, she was frightened of what could happen, she was frightened of what would happen. Lindsey looked at Shelley, what was happening in their relationship? Nothing. What was she getting from the relationship? Nothing. Shelley didn't love her, she could feel it when they kissed, there was no love, no passion and that was what Lindsey needed, she needed to be loved and there was no one to do that for her. Or was there? " Shelley Bower" the karaoke man called. It was Shelley's turn, Lindsey began to wonder what she would sing. As Shelley took the mike she turned to face Lindsey and Lindsey knew by the smug look on Shelley's face that this was going to be a dig at her. Lindsey pulled a face as the music started and she instantly recognized the song. She looked at Shelley and Shelley was clearly pleased with Lindsey's reaction and she began to sing ' You've lost that loving feeling'. " I don't believe this" Lindsey muttered to herself. " What was that love?" Jackie asked. " Nothing" Lindsey replied innocently. She noticed how Shelley was pleased by her reaction and was immediately reminded of how Callum had been pleased with her reaction to his house. She smiled to herself and thought of Callum, she suddenly thought about his last words to her before he drove away the previous night and she suddenly realized what he meant: 'You're playing with fire Lindsey that’s what you're doing. One minute you're hot, then when something’s about to happen you're cold again. Think about it' Now that she thought about she knew, from where Callum was standing it looked as though she was playing with his feelings for her, it looked as though she was using them to hurt him, that was what Callum thought. Lindsey realized now, every time he came close to her she backed away, but now she thought about it, it looked as though she was leading him on, she was bringing him close then running away again, she saw that now and suddenly she felt terrible. As she brought herself back to the world she looked at Shelley singing and the way she was looking at her. Lindsey shook her head, why did she put up with it? Why did she do all the running? She looked back at Shelley ' Not this time' she thought to herself as she stood up and walked calmly and slowly out of the pub and into the cool night air. As she stepped out and the cool breeze swept over her she felt as though all the cobwebs had just been blown away, she felt free, suddenly there was no dampening atmosphere hanging over her. She had her money, there were plenty of clubs open until all hours and she had no one to hold her back. Ideas were spinning round in her head, what to do now that she was free. 'Go and see Callum' a voice in her head suggested 'No' she couldn't do that, she couldn't be alone with him. He'd be at his club now Lindsey thought, seeing him there would be alright, they wouldn't be alone and she could apologize for the way she'd been acting with him. With that decision made Lindsey set off for the LC Club. She froze suddenly, it hit her 'LC' they were her initials. She couldn't believe it, had Callum really been this obsessed with her for so long. She shook her head, she had to learn to ignore these things, she knew she liked the things Callum had been doing out of his obsession with her, but she couldn't afford to like these things too much. Once there she went to the bar, her eyes searching for Callum all the time. When she got to the bar it was Sam who served her. " You've got the boss in a right one you have" Sam commented as he recognized her from last night. " What do you mean? Where is he?" Lindsey asked trying to prevent her voice from betraying concern. " No one knows, he hasn't been seen since last night when he was with you, but I'll tell you this it takes something pretty damn serious to keep him from coming to work, this clubs everything to him. Or at least I thought it was" Sam replied, clearly worried about his boss. " I guess I'd better go and see him" Lindsey muttered not so sure that she wanted to return to Callum's house but she didn't have a choice, she knew she had to explain her feelings. 'What feelings!' she snapped at herself, she didn't have feelings for him, she was just confused. For some reason she couldn't convince herself of this argument. She left the club without having a drink and tried to think of how to get Callum's from the club. As she began to have a vague idea she set off walking again. The night air was cool against her face and seemed to cool down the fire inside of her too. After walking for about ten minutes she began to have doubts, maybe going to see Callum wasn't such a good idea after all. 'But why not?' she asked herself, she wouldn't give the answer, she didn't like it and she knew there was no way she was going to admit the fact that she didn't trust herself to be alone with him. " Great" she muttered to herself and considered her options as she realized that she wasn't too sure of where she was, she knew she could get back to her hotel from where she was, but that meant crawling back to Shelley and Lindsey was too proud and too stubborn for that. Then an idea hit her, she could always get a taxi to Callum's house. Now came the hard part, making the decision and sticking to it. 'No' she thought to herself 'I can't go to Callum, not after last night' she forced herself to turn and start walking back to the hotel. Something was burning inside of her, right in her stomach she felt as though she was about to double up in pain. Deep down she knew what was causing it, deep down she knew that she wanted to go to Callum’s. As she pushed herself on she spotted three men who were clearly drunk staring at her lustfully. She stopped as she realized that they were coming towards her. She froze in fear, suddenly panicking she didn't know where to go. She turned and ran, she didn't know where to, just anywhere. They followed her also running. " Come on babe, don't run, we just wanna play!" she heard one of the men call after her. She could tell by his voice that he was close. Suddenly Lindsey heard a cracking sound and fell to the ground face first. One of her heels had broke. The men were on her in a second, they grabbed her and dragged her down an alley. Lindsey kicked out viciously, thrashing with both her arms and legs. The men, struggling to keep a grip on her ripped her blouse open. As one of the men tried to put his head to her chest Lindsey lashed him harshly across the face. The man jumped back shocked losing his grip on her. Lindsey took the opportunity to wrestle herself free from the other two men. Doing this successfully after kneeing one between the legs and lunging into the other knocking him to the ground, she ran out onto the main street and kept on running. She made her way to the coast and soon had Callum's house in view. It was finally happening Callum thought to himself as he fell backwards onto the bed, Lindsey landing on top of him. He helped her pull her shirt over her head as she threw it to the floor her hair flopped forward into her face. Callum brushed it back with his hand as his lips again found hers. She hastily removed his tie and began unbuttoning his shirt. Callum woke with a start to the sound of his front door being slammed. He jumped up and instantly found a pair of trousers. He pulled on a shirt but didn't waste time fastening it as he could hear someone running along the corridor downstairs. He left his room gun in hand and the noise stopped. He too stopped still, listening intensely for a sound. After a couple of seconds he detected what sounded like a faint sobbing. He proceeded in the direction of the sound, he moved quietly down the stairs as he turned he saw someone crouching in the corner. He knew they hadn't seen him. Slowly he reached for the light switch. As the lights flashed on Lindsey threw her head up and was faced with Callum standing a short distance away pointing a gun at her. Callum looked at Lindsey his face betraying the worry he suddenly felt. Her face was tear streaken, and something else, as he focused he realized that the other substance was blood, blood which was coming from her mouth. " I'm sorry" Lindsey began, her voice wavering. Callum came forward and dropped to his knees in front of her " I just didn't know....." her voice gave in to sobs again and the rest of her sentence was lost. Callum suddenly pulled her to him. She did not resist and allowed herself to sob into his shoulder. Lindsey lost herself in his arms as she felt there a warmth she had never experienced before. His arms were comforting and his touch soft as he stroked her hair, he rocked her gently and as he did this Lindsey felt herself relax and she fell completely into him letting her whole weight rest on him. Callum felt this change and it pleased him. He suddenly realized that he was still holding the gun, he carefully placed it on the ground. As he held her he realized how lucky he was that she had even came to him, she had her family here, people she trusted, her parents.......her girlfriend, but she had came to him and he wanted to ask why but decided that now wasn't the right time. After nearly ten minutes Lindsey pulled back from Callum's arms. She looked at him and saw the concern in his eyes, she smiled at him softly and he remembered that her mouth had been bleeding, and still was slightly. Lindsey also noticed that she had marked Callum's shirt with the blood. " Sorry" she apologized indicating the mark on his shirt. " Its alright, you think it’s the first time that’s happened" Callum joked, then the smile vanished as he noticed that her shirt was torn. " What the hell happened to you?" " Its nothing" Lindsey turned her head trying to ignore the genuine concern in Callum's face. " Nothing. Jesus Lindsey, you come bursting into my house in the middle of the night sobbing, your shirts torn and you're bleeding and expect me to believe that its nothing" Callum cried " Give me some credit Lindsey, whether you like it or not huh and whether you believe it or not I do care about you" he was about to continue when Lindsey cut in quietly " I do like it" she whispered. " What?" Callum had heard what she said but couldn't believe it. " I said I do like the fact that you care about me, that’s the only reason I'm here" she replied. " What come to play with my feelings a little more, what you going to lead me on and then when I do try something you'll give me the excuse that Shelley’s waiting again" Callum had stood up now and was looking down at Lindsey, Lindsey didn't like this so she too stood up. " Callum to be perfectly honest with you I couldn't give a damn about Shelley, whereas you on the other hand...." " What you do care about me?, you do care about my feelings?" Callum was irritated and Lindsey knew it, but she also knew it was because his feelings for her were stronger than he had thought and her just being there was too much for him to bear, especially when he couldn't do anything about it. " Yes! God yes" Lindsey snapped " and I don't believe I just said that and now I have there’s no way I'm staying" she turned to leave but Callum cut in front of her. " Lindsey please just listen to me" Callum begged. " Callum, I can't, I'm sorry, but I can't risk letting this happen" " Can't risk letting what happen Lindsey, what is it that your so afraid of? Me is that it your afraid of what I might do?" " Yes, no....I don't know Callum" " I do. You're afraid of love that’s it, it makes you weak right....." " Callum don't!" Lindsey suddenly cried pushing him back " I hate it Callum, I hate it. I hate everything. But you know what I hate most of all?" he looked at her, he was listening, he was actually listening to her, to what she wanted, to how she felt. " What do you hate most of all Lindsey?" he asked quietly. " I hate the fact that you can hurt me so much. I have spent my entire life building these defences so that no one can get to me, so that no one can hurt me, then you, you just come barging through it all. I don't know what I'm doing here, I don't even know why I came." Lindsey tried to push past him but he easily stopped her. " I do" Lindsey looked at him " You were trying to do what you wanted for a change, but now, now that you’re here the worries kicking in, what will mom and dad think if they find out, am I right?" Lindsey was silent, she didn't actually know why she was there. She looked back at Callum and noticed something. " Stop looking at me like that" she snapped. " Like what?" Callum frowned. " Like that. You've always got this look in your eyes, I don't like it" she looked away from him again. " Why? Cos you can see the truth there, that I'm not such a 'bad guy', that in actual fact you kinda like the man behind those eyes but you can't bring yourself to admit it" he was challenging her and she knew it, but she also knew that everything he was saying to her was true. " Callum don't do this to me...." " Don't do what?! Don't love you! I'm sorry Lindsey but I didn't realize that I could switch feelings like that on and off, I didn't ask to love you Lindsey, god knows I wish I didn't it'd make my life a hell of a lot easier and hell of a lot less painful" Callum saw Lindsey's face and knew that she was thinking about something. " You just said you loved me" she suddenly spoke in what was almost a whisper. Callum now thought about this and realized that he had. " I-I'm sorry Lindsey" with that he walked past her and went out to the balcony. Once there he poured himself a drink and stood at the doors letting the air onto his face. The coolness seemed to sting his cheeks and he realized that he was burning, that his face was burning. Lindsey stood behind him. " I'm the one who’s sorry Callum" Callum swung he hadn't realized that she was there. But what he did realize was that she was holding his gun. " What-what for?" he asked quietly. " Here you left this in the passage" she handed him the gun. He knew that it was her way of showing that she trusted him. " Lindsey, I-I've made a lot of....." " Sssh, don't, just do me a favor" Lindsey looked at him, her face was serious. " Anything" he offered putting his glass and the gun down. She closed most of the space that was between them; they were on perfect eye level as their steady gazes bore deep into the other, they both saw it flash between them in that moment and Lindsey could no longer lie and deny it anymore. She spoke suddenly. " I just want you to kiss me like you did that night in the warehouse" he knew what she meant and without another word he gladly obliged. As his lips found hers he allowed his passion to pour forth from him as he held her tightly, his fingers tangled in her hair. Lindsey pressed herself against him as he closed his eyes, her spread hands tightening on his spine and the nape of his neck. The kiss had started gently enough but as it progressed Callum realized he wasn't the only one who wanted this desperately. Lindsey had waited a long time to be kissed with genuine love and she poured forth a white-hot desire which only helped increase Callum's burning desire to have her. Lindsey lay exhausted in Callum's arms, still waiting to feel the regret that she was expecting to feel after having made love to a man that she hated and her family hated. Callum gently kissed her forehead convincing Lindsey yet again that she had no reason to feel any regret. " I love you Lindsey" Callum finally whispered, his voice wavering. " I know" Lindsey whispered in reply. She knew that Callum had not expected her to say that she loved him. And maybe it was just as well. Continued Next week.......

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