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CHAPTER: 40 DEPRESSION
Lindsey phoned for a taxi as soon as she got back to the club. Harvey
asked her if Callum had left her alone in a manner that was too suggestive
for Lindsey to merely pass off, especially in her present mood, so she
told him in no uncertain terms to get lost.
Jackie had waited up for Lindsey returning. She was dozing when Lindsey
finally got back, and Lindsey unlike her normal self was not too careful
about how she closed the door. The slam snapped Jackie back to herself
and she sat leaning forward slightly to try and see just who had been
so careless about closing the door.
Lindsey had not anticipated Jackie’s waiting for her and had not
taken care to clean her face up, nor had she made any attempt to hold
back the tears as she literally fell through the front door. She had been
eager to get indoors so as that she could take the opportunity to ‘let
it all out’. Once the door had closed she had fell to the floor with
her back to it and began to sob.
Jackie waited a moment and when no one appeared she rose to investigate.
As she cautiously opened the living room door she was greeted by the sobbing
mass of Lindsey.
“ Oh Lindsey love” Jackie exclaimed as she fell to her knees
pulling her daughter into her arms.
“ He’s leaving Mam, he’s leaving me” Lindsey cried
as she sobbed into Jackie’s chest. Jackie did not know what to say,
her daughter’s heart was breaking, there were no words she could
think of to console her daughter at such a time. Suddenly she pushed her
back so that she could look at her.
“ Can’t you go with him?” Lindsey looked at her mother.
“ No” she shook her head. Jackie sighed.
“ Well why not?” Lindsey rose and walked into the living room.
Jackie followed. “ Well it’s obviously killing you to lose him,
you don’t have to, you don’t have to go through this pain Lindsey,
you can easily leave with him” Lindsey spun to face her.
“ And what about Kylie!? I can’t just up and leave and I can’t
just take her away from everything she knows and loves” Jackie shook
her head.
“ Do you think she’d be the first? Come on you know for a fact
she’d love it out there” Lindsey looked at the floor “
Or is it Callum? Would he not want her?” Lindsey shook her head,
she couldn’t be bothered to lie anymore.
“ Callum would love her” she admitted quietly before moving
to the sofa. “ When he proposed I remember him saying about how he’d
get her into a decent school and how he was looking forward to finally
been a daddy, you know with him getting custody of Cloey and hoping to
have Kylie as well” Jackie sat down next to her.
“ So what’s the problem?” Lindsey sighed shaking her head.
“ I don’t know, I think it’s me I’m the problem”
“ How do you mean?” Jackie asked again putting a consoling arm
around her daughter.
“ I’m afraid Mam, I’m afraid to leave what I know is safe,
I’m afraid to take that risk, I’m afraid of what me Dad’ll
do if I do leave with Callum and I’m afraid most of all that it won’t
last, it’s too perfect, it’s too good to last” Jackie shook
her head with a bemused expression on her face.
“ Lindsey love, just cos something’s good doesn’t mean
it can’t last” Lindsey smiled slightly.
“ Even with my luck?”
“ Even with your luck. Look Lindsey I can’t see into the future,
I can’t tell you it’s going to be all roses, but what I do know
and what I can tell you is that man loves you more than life itself, he’s
proved that, and I know that he will do anything, anything, to hold onto
you and I say that gives you a good chance of seeing your lives out together,
that is of course unless you’re not sure about whether or not you
love him” Lindsey nodded harshly.
“ I love him, I do, I know that now. I guess in a way I always knew”
Jackie smiled.
“ So what’s stopping you?” Lindsey again looked at the
floor.
“ I don’t know Mam, really I don’t” she sighed running
her hand through her hair. Jackie sighed, she could think of nothing else
to say.
“ You look knackered love, you’d better get some sleep if you
want to hold out through this”
“ Yeah, I think I’ll get myself up” with that she left
the room and left Jackie wondering if maybe this was all her fault. She
wondered if she hadn’t slept with Shelley then maybe Lindsey wouldn’t
have ended up with Callum in the first place, then she shook her head,
no Callum loved Lindsey and she loved him, it had been destined to happen.
Callum had drove round most of the night, it was after six in the morning
when he finally pulled into the drive. Sam was up, he was always up early
and Callum had always admired him for it, but now he cursed it as he walked
in to be met by a pair of angry eyes glaring up at him over a newspaper.
“ Where the hell have you been?” Sam asked as he put the
paper down, his voice was relatively calm but there was an undertone that
laced it.
“ Out, driving” Callum replied as he sat down and poured himself
a coffee.
“ What? All night?”
“ All night” the look on Callum’s face told Sam to back
off, despite his calm, cool voice.
“ Right, well are you planning on getting any sleep before the flight?”
Sam asked picking up the paper and flicking through for the page he had
been up to.
“ Yes I’m going up after this, I’ve got some business to
settle tonight and I need to be myself if I’m going to handle it
right” Callum downed the coffee quickly.
“ And what business would that be?” Sam asked clearly curious
if it was anything to do with Lindsey. Callum rose and looked Sam dead
in the eye.
“ None of yours” With that he left the room and a flabbergasted
Sam.
Lindsey had clearly sunk into a depression by early morning. Jackie
crept down the stairs, it was just after six and she knew everyone else
would still be in bed, or at least she had thought. Lindsey was sitting
at the table, she was not with the world, it was obvious as Jackie moved
towards her she didn’t turn to acknowledge her, instead she sat staring
into space her coffee still in her hands.
“ Lindsey?” Jackie spoke quietly. Lindsey jumped turning to
look at Jackie.
“ Sorry” she apologized putting her coffee down “ I was
miles away”
“ So I noticed” Jackie smiled sympathetically. “ Are you
sure you’re doing the right thing, letting him go?” Lindsey
rose and moved towards the kettle.
“ Please Mam, lets not go over this one again” she switched
the kettle on “ Coffee?”
“ Please” Jackie sat down. Once Lindsey returned she spoke again.
“ What are you doing up anyway?”
“ Couldn’t sleep” Lindsey replied taking a drink from her
coffee, it was beginning to go cold, she didn’t care.
“ Lindsey love......” Lindsey knew what was coming.
“ Please Mam don’t! I just want to forget that any of this ever
happened......” Jackie now cut Lindsey off.
“ But you won’t!” Jackie jumped from her seat “ You’ll
live with the knowledge all your life that you let the one man who ever
really loved you slip away for no reason! You said yourself you don’t
know why you won’t go with him” Lindsey slowly rose, Jackie
watched her cautiously. Lindsey stood looking at her mother for a brief
second before turning and walking from the room.
Once upstairs she fell onto her bed and began to sob, if only she knew
that Callum was at that very moment doing the same thing. They had both
began to feel the depression.
CHAPTER: 41 A FINAL SHOWDOWN
“ Lindsey? Love you in here?” Jimmy slowly opened the door
to Lindsey’s bedroom.
“ Yeah I’m here, not like I’m going anywhere anytime soon”
Jimmy walked in slowly.
“ I was, eh I was wondering if you fancied coming down to Bar Brookie
with me and yer Mam?” Lindsey turned to face Jimmy, it was clear
she had been crying. Jimmy looked at her, the sympathy was there in his
eyes, he knew his daughter was in pain and they both knew he cared, although
he would not be so quick to admit it.
“ Yeah why not, nothing better to do, just give me a second to
get cleaned up” Jimmy smiled at her.
“ Yeah just come down as soon as you’re ready” Lindsey
made a move for the bathroom as Jimmy went downstairs to let Jackie know.
As Lindsey went to the bathroom to ‘clean herself up’ she suddenly
realized she needed the toilet, she glanced back across the hall to her
room where she could see the bag Jacqui had handed her the night Barry
had made his first attack. ‘ Well it’s got to be done sometime’
she thought to herself ‘ But does it have to be now?’.
As Lindsey emerged she was white. She tried to compose herself before
stepping into the living room. Jimmy and Jackie stared at her in shock
that could almost have been mistaken for amazement, she was deathly pale.
“ My God love what’s wrong?” Jackie exclaimed. Jimmy
did not move but merely stared at her, he didn’t know what to say,
they hadn’t been getting on lately and he didn’t know if she
would want his sympathy.
“ He’s going home today and.....” Before she could finish
Jimmy cut in, not realizing what she had been about to tell him, he thought
she was merely upset about Callum’s departure.
“ So, that’s good news isn’t it” Jimmy cried. Lindsey
shook her head, her eyes were red.
“ No, no Dad it isn’t” Jackie could see she was holding
something in her right hand. “ It isn’t good news Dad because
that.....that leaves me with another fatherless child” Jackie collapsed,
falling back against the kitchen table only just managing to pull herself
into a seat. Jimmy began to turn white with rage, Lindsey now let the
tears fall freely down her cheeks.
“ Oh my God, oh my God” was all Jackie could manage, Jimmy
was in a state of shock.
“ Well there must be a mistake, there has to be” he stammered.
“ There isn’t Dad, I’ve been suspicious of it for three
months now, I’ve only just taken the test, it’s positive”
Jimmy snatched the test from her, hoping it was all a sick joke. It wasn’t.
“ I don’t believe it, I don’t, there must be a mistake,
I mean you did use protection, this can’t be right” Lindsey
sighed shaking her head.
“ No Dad we didn’t, we didn’t use protection” Jimmy
looked up at her.
“ You what!? You are kidding me”
“ No, it’s not like it was a planned event Dad it just happened,
neither of us were expecting it, we didn’t think” Jimmy threw
the test onto the sofa.
“ You mean you didn’t think, he’s been waiting for this,
he wanted it to happen and he wanted it to mess our lives up afterwards,
he must be loving this” Lindsey shook her head in disbelief.
“ He doesn’t know” Jimmy looked at her.
“ You mean he doesn’t know you’re having his kid?”
Jimmy cried.
“ No he doesn’t, he doesn’t even know that it was a possibility,
I haven’t said anything to him about my suspecting it” Jackie
was holding her head in her hands, Jimmy kept on staring at Lindsey.
“ I don’t believe it, I don’t believe you!” Jimmy
moved closer to her, he was looming over her “ How the hell could
you do this? How the hell could you do this to us!? After everything we’ve
done for you.......” Jimmy was cut short.
“ Is that all you can think about!? Have you not thought about
how I’m feeling? I’m going to be having the child of the man
I love and he’s not going to be here to help me raise it” Lindsey’s
face was turning red and blotchy from her near to constant crying.
“ Well you know what you’ll have to do, you’ll have to
get rid of it” This was the breaking point for Lindsey, she swung
her hand up sharp striking Jimmy across the face.
“ I will not get rid of his child, you’re forcing me to let
go of everything that reminds me of him, well I will not let go of this,
I will not give up his baby, not for you, not for anyone” Lindsey
growled “ I’m going to get ready now” As Lindsey made her
way towards the door, she turned back to deliver her parting shot “
Oh and I will make sure it knows who it’s father is” with that
she slammed the door deliberately behind her.
Once alone Jackie turned on Jimmy.
“ How dare you!” Jimmy turned.
“ What do you mean?”
“ Have you got any idea what she is going through!? And all you can
do is tell her to get an abortion just cos you don’t like the father.
Well I’ll tell you something now Jimmy Corkhill you’ve never
done much to make this a happy family and now she’s in love with
someone who actually loves her for a change and all you can do is scream
and bawl at her about it” Jimmy’s face said it all as he spun.
“ Oh well that’s cheap coming from the woman who had it off
with her daughter’s girlfriend” It was now Jackie’s turn
to strike Jimmy.
“ One I didn’t know Shelley was Lindsey’s girlfriend at
the time, and two I didn’t even know what I was doing when it happened”
Jimmy sneered at her.
“ Oh well that’s a good excuse, you know I never did get why
our Lindsey forgave either of you for that” Jimmy frowned as he spoke
as if he were asking himself at the same time.
“ Maybe the same reason you forgave me” Jackie couldn’t
believe that they were going through all of this again for a subject that
had nothing to do with it.
“ What you mean to say our Lindsey loved Shelley!?” Jimmy again
sneered.
“ No I didn’t mean that, I never got why our Lindsey forgave
Shelley but I know she forgave me because I’m her mother and she’ll
always love me, just like she’ll always love you, but I’ll tell
you something for free Jimmy, you’re going to have some apologizing
to do if you want her to forgive you anytime soon” with that Jackie
also now left the room and left Jimmy on his own to consider his options,
his daughter hated him and his wife was becoming increasingly close to
feeling the same way, and all because of what? Callum Finnegan, Callum
Finnegan of all people was tearing the family apart, and why? Because
he was in love with Lindsey!?
They had all decided that was to be the final showdown, they now all
had to make their decisions, Lindsey was not about to change the way she
felt about Callum, that was something she had no control over, and she
was not about to let Jimmy throw an insult about him every time she walked
in the room.
Jackie was stuck in the middle as usual, she backed Lindsey all the way
though as she knew how deeply she and Callum felt about each other, but
at the same time she had to try and make the home life easy, she couldn’t
have Lindsey and Jimmy at each other every time they were in a room together.
Jimmy though had the hardest decision to make, he loved his family more
than anything, and Lindsey had been his world for such a long time, she
was daughter and they had always been closer than most fathers and daughters
and he had always been proud of this. But at the same time because of
this deep love for his daughter he could not forgive Callum for what he
had done to her, but then again the daughter herself had managed to, why
shouldn’t he? Plus Callum would be gone in another couple of hours
anyway.
CHAPTER: 42 LAST CHANCE
Callum had his holdall packed before five o’clock, he had been
desperately seeking for things to do to pass the day, but now he found
himself with nothing left and he had almost four and a half hours left,
then he remembered what he had mentioned to Sam. He had told him that
he had ‘business’ that he had to clean up before he left, but
now he thought about it he wasn’t so sure it was a wise idea. ‘
What the hell, nothing to lose’ he thought as he rose snatching his
keys from his desk. He quickly told Sam that he was on his way out and
with that he pulled out of his drive on his way to make what could either
be the biggest mistake he ever made or the best thing he could ever have
wished to do.
Lindsey, Jimmy and Jackie were in Bar Brookie for ten past five, maybe
it was what they all needed a decent booze up to make them forget everything
even if it was only for one night. Jimmy had so far managed to be civil
to Lindsey and Jackie and they had returned the favour, although Lindsey
did it with a typical sharpness that she could not help. She kept looking
at the clock and every time she did so she reminded herself of exactly
how many hours and how many minutes were left before Callum boarded his
flight.
It was around half past five when Lindsey heard Jimmy’s cry as
he stood at the bar waiting to be served. Lindsey was sitting on a raised
seating area on the opposite side of the room, but still she heard him.
“ What the hell do you think you’re doing here!” Jimmy
stood tensed as though he were preparing for a fight. Lindsey jumped to
her feet to see what was going on, she couldn’t see who he was talking
to as a small crowd gathered to see what the commotion was. Bev stopped
the music so that everyone could hear her speak. Lindsey leaned over the
barrier to see who it was, then she heard his reply.
“ What do you think, I’ve come for your daughter” Callum
spoke as he moved through the crowd emerging on the other side and into
Lindsey’s view. Jackie held onto Lindsey as she saw him.
“ Did you hear that Lindsey? he’s come for you” Jackie
spoke urgently into her ear “ This is your chance Lindsey, how can
you say no, you’re having his child” Lindsey was shaking her
head, she didn’t know what to do, part of her had wanted Callum to
come for her, yet part of her desperately wanted her life to be at ease
the way it had been before she had went to Portugal.
Now as Callum stood by the bar cautiously eyeing Jimmy, Jimmy returning
that caution, he suddenly looked round his eyes meeting directly with
hers as he looked up, it was almost as if he had known she was there,
as if he had sensed her presence. As they looked at each other Callum
gave a brief smile as he winked at her, Lindsey couldn’t help but
return that look.
It lasted the briefest of seconds though as Lindsey felt a flash of danger
and swung her head to see Jimmy flying at Callum with something in his
hand.
“ Callum look out!” she cried. Callum had felt something
wrong as Lindsey had turned her attention away. He spun at her cry throwing
his arms up in defence at Jimmy. He blocked the blow and the glass bottle
Jimmy had intended as a weapon fell to the floor shattering. Callum threw
Jimmy back against the bar and turned back to Lindsey. Jackie was smiling
but Lindsey had a worried look on her face as she saw Jimmy rising to
his full height again. Callum again turned prepared to defend himself.
Jimmy stood glaring at him, Callum was calm. When Jimmy hadn’t made
another move, but instead stood staring, Callum figured it was time to
speak.
“ I don’t want to fight you Jimmy” he spoke as he relaxed
his stance as though trying to prove his point. Jimmy sneered at him.
“ Yeah right you’ll do anything you have to take our Lindsey
away” Callum nodded calmly.
“ Yes, yes I would, I’d do anything if it meant I could be with
Lindsey, but I still don’t want to fight you” Callum admitted
to the shock of everyone in the bar.
“ Why wouldn’t you fight me? I’m the only thing stopping
her from going with you” Callum shook his head.
“ No you’re not” Callum moved to turn away from Jimmy.
Jimmy seized his arm.
“ Aren’t I? Fight me Callum I dare you” Callum shrugged
Jimmy’s grip off and again turned “ What’s a matter Callum?
You afraid of me?” Callum turned back to face Jimmy. Lindsey dropped
her head sighing, she thought Callum was about to raise to Jimmy’s
challenge. Callum stood close to Jimmy as he spoke.
“ You wish Jimmy, thing is you’re afraid of my actual reason
because you know if I tell everyone here my actual reason Lindsey might
become that little bit more tempted by me and you know that” Callum
turned so that he was looking Jimmy straight in the eye, then he proceeded
with his speech. “ The reason I won’t fight you Jimmy is because
you’re Lindsey’s father and because of that she loves you and
because she loves you if I hurt you it’ll hurt her too” Callum
spun to face Lindsey “ And that’s the last thing I want”
Jimmy eyed Callum with suspicion, Callum turned back to Jimmy and as he
did Jimmy saw it, in Callum’s eyes it was there. Jimmy reeled back
from him, after all this time in the briefest of seconds he had finally
saw the truth, he had finally seen why Jackie had forgiven him and why
Lindsey had fell in love with him. He was not Callum Finnegan. He was
someone else, he was another man, a man who loved his daughter. Callum
knew Jimmy had seen this and he knew that he now believed him.
“ You really love our Lindsey?” Jimmy asked quietly. Callum
smiled.
“ Yeah, yes I do” he answered with a nod. Jimmy sighed briefly
rubbing his forehead and looking at the floor as he made his decision.
He looked up at Callum, his face hard.
“ Well you’d better go talk to her hadn’t you” Callum
held a hand out to Jimmy. Jimmy, after a second of hesitation took it.
“ Thank you Jimmy, thank you” With that Callum turned and climbed
the steps to where Lindsey sat. He stopped a few paces away from her,
Jackie caught the look on his face and rose from her seat. As she passed
him she put a hand on his arm and whispered to him.
“ I’ve done all I can, but if anyone’s going to convince
it’s going to be you” She gave his arm a gentle squeeze before
joining Jimmy and the others by the bar.
CHAPTER: 43 BEGGING
Callum stood for a brief few seconds looking at Lindsey before finally
sitting down next to her. He left a few inches of space between them which
was quickly closed by Lindsey as she shifted next to him and dropped her
head onto him. He quickly put his arm around her as she cried into his
chest. He gently ran his fingers through her hair as he rested his head
on hers. After a few moments he lifted his head, kissing her head before
gently lifting her up so that he could see her face as he spoke to her.
Before he had the chance though Lindsey spoke.
“ Why did you have do this Callum? Why did you come here? It would’ve
been easier if you’d just left” She looked at him her own desperation
showing in her eyes.
“ No Lindsey what would be easier would be us not having to part......”
“ Don’t do this to me Callum” Lindsey began to cry again
dropping her head into her hands. Callum instantly pulled her to him.
She threw her arms around his neck as he too finally gave way and began
to cry. Lindsey had not seen him like this, not even when he had been
shot had he cried. They cried into each others necks for several minutes
before Callum pulled back and quickly wiped his eyes. Lindsey again leant
forward burying her face in her hands. Callum moved off the seat and crouched
in front of Lindsey pulling her head from her hands so that she was looking
at him. She put her hands to his face as he began to speak.
“ Lindsey please listen to me, I am in no way as strong as you and
if I have to get on that plane tonight without you I don’t....I don’t
think I can do it I really don’t” Lindsey dropped her head to
his.
“ You have to Callum, you have to do it for me” He now put
his hands to her face as he again began to cry.
“ I can’t Lindsey, I can’t do it, I can’t do anything
without you Lindsey, I’m nothing” Lindsey pulled his head back
from hers, her look sharp as she chastised him.
“ Don’t you say that Callum Finnegan, don’t you dare say
you’re nothing, you are everything” She spoke to him firmly
as if she were checking a naughty child. After this she again slid her
arms around his neck gently caressing the nape of his neck. Callum rose
and sat back down beside her. She took of his hand with both of hers.
“ You know what’s going to happen once I’m gone” Callum
now spoke in a subdued tone as though he knew he was beat.
“ What?” Lindsey asked.
“ They’re all going to be gloating, I told you it wouldn’t
work, I told you it would be better to let him go, I knew you’d see
things my way” Callum was half mocking Jimmy’s voice as he said
this. Lindsey shook her head sharply.
“ No they won’t, they won’t get the chance” Lindsey
smiled at Callum. She held a hand up in a fist “ Cos you know what
they’ll get, they’ll get a flamin’ dig if they even think
about opening their mouths” Callum smiled back at her.
“ Yeah and I know what one of them feels like an’all” They
both smiled briefly before Callum continued. He looked at her his eyes
pleading with her. “ Is it worth me begging” Lindsey shook her
head gently.
“ No, no it isn’t” Callum sighed before dropping to his
knees before her again.
“ Well I’m begging anyway, please Lindsey, I don’t
want to go back to that house, to that room with all those memories alone,
because without you those memories hurt” His eyes were filling yet
again, Lindsey was already crying “ You said it yourself Lindsey,
how cold it seems on a night now, how empty everything feels....”
Lindsey silenced him as he began to cry again.
“ Sssh, please Callum be strong even it’s only for me”
Callum shook his head “ And don’t say you can’t, you said
you’d anything for me well I’m asking you now Callum for me,
walk out of those doors and get on that plane at half past eight, please”
Callum sighed a deep, heavy, submissive sigh.
“ For you?” he looked at her. Lindsey nodded.
“ For me” Callum looked at the floor briefly.
“ Can you prove to me that that’s what you really want, for
you, for yourself?” Lindsey shook her head.
“ Please Callum I’m begging you” Callum rose slowly to
his feet, cleaning his eyes.
“ Do I look like I’ve been crying?” he asked with a vague
smile. Lindsey rose to face him gently running her thumbs over his eyes.
She took a short step back as if to observe him.
“ No, no you look normal” she smiled “ Well I’m saying
normal.....”
They both laughed briefly with each other. Lindsey’s face went
serious again as she saw the devastation she was causing Callum. She pulled
him to wrapping her arms around his neck clinging to him tightly as though
her life depended on it. Callum couldn’t help himself, he gripped
Lindsey tightly, Lindsey didn’t feel it though, all she could feel
was his pain as he clung to her. She couldn’t tell him, not now,
she couldn’t tell him that he was walking away from his child as
well as her. This was it, this was there goodbye, there was to be no kiss,
it would be too painful for the both of them. Callum for a change was
the one who ended the embrace this time. He pulled away from her arms
with a great reluctance. They looked at each other for the briefest of
moments before Callum turned sharply and made his way out of the bar as
quickly as possible.
Continued Next week.......
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