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CHAPTER: 32 THE ATTRACTION
Lindsey set about keeping vigil at Callum’s bedside. She had
decided that if anything she owed him that much at least. Jacqui Dixon
and Jackie took turns at keeping her company.
“ I think I can sort of see what it is that attracted you to him
now” Jacqui commented one night as she returned with the coffees.
“ Oh!” Lindsey smiled “ And what do you think it is?”
she asked grinning. Jacqui sat down beside her.
“ Well, don’t take this the wrong way,” she warned almost
laughing “ but he actually looks kinda cute just lying there, you
know he has this peaceful, almost helpless look about him” Jacqui
realized what she had said “ I don’t mean that sort of helplessness
you know more like that cute, little, lost boy look. Do you understand
what I mean?” she asked looking from Callum to Lindsey.
“ Yeah, yeah I do. That was what I actually liked, I would’ve
shot myself before I admitted it but there was this one time, before Portugal,
that we were talking and.....oh I might as well tell you the full story”
Lindsey sighed and turned slightly in her chair to face Jacqui.
Lindsey was about to open her heart, and unbeknownst to her, Callum could
hear everything.
“ Do you remember I told you about when he proposed?” Jacqui
nodded in reply “ Well” Lindsey continued “ There was one
point, after he’d asked, we were sitting talking and we actually
had a bit of a laugh when I was telling about applying to be casino manager.
Then he said something about how I always had an answer for him and how
I wasn’t afraid of him” Lindsey went silent for a moment as
she remembered Callum’s face when he realized just how scared she
was of him.
“ And?” Jacqui prompted.
“ And I told him I was, well not in so many words, and he leaned
towards me and....God the look on his face when he realized I was scared
of him, I can remember the exact words he said to me”
“ What were those, something sarcastic no doubt” Jacqui commented.
“ No, no it wasn’t “ Lindsey replied shaking her head.
“ So what did he say? What were his exact words?” Jacqui asked
watching Lindsey’s face closely, she knew that Lindsey was looking
back on the moment.
“ He said: ‘ I can change, I’m lonely...and I think you
are too. Say yes to me and you will never have to live the way you have
been ever again’ That was his exact words to me, and God his face
when he told me he was lonely, I swear he looked almost on the verge of
tears and despite the fact that at that time I still hated him so much
I just......I was genuinely tempted and when he looked at me with this
promise in his eyes I just wanted to take hold of him.....”
“ What and strangle him” Jacqui cut in grinning, then went
serious again as she saw Lindsey’s face.
“ I wanted to find out how serious he was, I wanted to, sort of test
him, if you know what I mean?”
“ Yeah, I know what you mean” Jacqui replied with a slight nod
of her head.
“ It was just.....just the way he looked at me, like he really meant
what he was saying about how he was lonely” Jacqui watched Lindsey
closely and saw in her face that she regretted that night, although Jacqui
didn’t know exactly what she regretted about it.
“ So what else is it you like about him, come on girl I need details,
I only know the man who runs protection rackets and earns one hell of
a lot of money by it” Jacqui was grinning as she asked, she wanted
to keep Lindsey happy, but she was also very curious about how two of
the deadliest enemies could fall so madly in love with each other, as
they so clearly had.
“ Well” Lindsey began smiling “ You know what I really
like?” Jacqui looked at her in a way that asked and showed that she
was genuinely listening “ Its one of the things that I really used
to hate” Lindsey laughed a little as she considered this.
“ What is it?” Jacqui asked, genuinely interested.
“ You know that sly, sarcastic smile of his” Jacqui suddenly
began grinning as she remembered how Lindsey had hated him for always
seeming so confidant, and that smile was what he used to show that unshakeable
confidence.
“ What else?” Jacqui prompted. Lindsey shook her head sadly.
“ Everything” she replied simply and turned to look at Jacqui.
Jacqui smiled sympathetically at her. “ God just all the things I
used to hate so much, this man that I wanted dead and now, look at me
I’m sitting here crying over the fact that he can’t even breathe
on his own, there was a time I would’ve been out celebrating if something
like this happened to him, but now, now I can’t get him out of my
head, I-I” Lindsey dissolved into tears but refused to be comforted
by Jacqui. At that moment Jimmy appeared. Jacqui looked up to him in the
doorway. She suddenly shot him a cold glance and signalled for him to
leave before Lindsey saw him, but it was too late.
CHAPTER: 33 THE FIRST SHOWDOWN
“ Jacqui would you leave us alone for a minute” It wasn’t
a request, it was an order, Jacqui hesitated a moment as she saw the look
that passed from father to daughter and she knew things were about to
turn ugly, and unfortunately Callum could still hear everything. Callum
lay unaware that he was hearing these things, but he would remember, they
would be planted in his mind until he could use them. As Jacqui slowly
and reluctantly left the room, she paused by Jimmy’s side.
“ You even consider upsetting her any more than she already is
and so help me God I’ll kill you, huh if Callum doesn’t do it
first once he’s out of this place” Jimmy turned and looked at
Jacqui coldly.
“ He ain’t leaving this place and you know it” he hissed.
“ Hm, that’s what you think, come off it Jimmy, you should know
better than that by now, our Callum there is just full of surprises, especially
when he’s out for revenge” as Jacqui left she made a deliberate
point of knocking Jimmy with her shoulder. Lindsey had not heard the dialogue
that had passed between the two, but she was well aware that Jimmy was
about to gloat over Callum’s position.
Jimmy came forward to get a better idea of Callum’s state.
“ Hm, son of a bitch is getting his comeuppance now eh” Jimmy
sounded confidant in his position, if only he knew just how Lindsey was
feeling, anyone could’ve walked in from Dave Burns to Tom Jones and
she would have lashed out at them. Lindsey scowled at Jimmy’s words
but was determined to not let him get to her.
“ Yeah right” she muttered. As Jimmy stepped closer he saw that
she was holding Callum’s hand. It was his turn to scowl.
“ How the hell could you not be happy about this? You’ve waited
four years for this moment and now its here, why can’t you just accept
the fact that once he’s gone your life will get back on track and
he’ll never be able to hurt again” Lindsey rose slowly and turned
to face Jimmy.
“ He is not going to die” she spoke slowly keeping a tight rein
on the anger trying to break through in her voice. Jimmy though heard
the strain in her voice.
Jimmy remembered when Lindsey had told her about Callum’s proposal.
He could tell by her face at the time that she had been crying. She had
came up to him as he was about to take his tablets. He could still remember
what was said.
“ You’ll never guess who asked me to marry them last night”
“ Asked you to marry them!” he had exclaimed “ Who?”
“ Callum Finnegan” Lindsey had said his name slowly and deliberately.
“ Callum Finnegan!” he exclaimed yet again “ No wonder
you look like you’ve been crying”
Jimmy was snapped back to his senses as Lindsey spoke to him.
“ Are you here for any reason in particular or are you just going
to gloat?” her arms were folded purposefully across her chest. Callum
knew that stance, it was used when she was confidant of her position or
when she was well and truly prepped for an argument.
“ Well I had considered.....” Lindsey cut him off the second
she heard the tone in his voice.
“ Why Dad!? Why do you have to hate him so much!? If I can forgive
him surely to God you can! Do you not think he’s proved himself!
He’s lying there in that bed with a rather nasty bullet wound in
his stomach for me! Dad, for me! When will you realize just how much he
loves me? What does he have to do Dad? What!? You know he’s lying
there dying how much farther do you need him to go?” Jimmy saw the
intensity in his daughter’s expression and began to question his
position. Jackie had forgiven him, Lindsey had actually grew to love him,
what reason did he have for continuing his vendetta? He didn’t know,
but he knew that he wasn’t about to give up now, he still had his
pride and he wasn’t about to surrender.
“ That’s not the point!” Jimmy cried back as he searched
for a reasonable argument “ No matter what he does now he can’t
take away the pain he’s caused us!” Lindsey sighed, even Callum
himself had admitted that.
“ God you never give up do you!? Maybe he can’t take the pain
away, but that pains in the past, this is the here and now and God he
makes me happy. Can’t you accept that?” Lindsey was beyond caring
now, all she wanted was for Callum to get better so that they could sort
out exactly what was going on between them.
“ No Lindsey, its not that I can’t accept it, I just won’t.
You always hated him there was never any doubt about that and now all
of a sudden you're in love with him! I mean...its-its just not natural”
Lindsey shook her head and turned away, she stood over Callum looking
down at him. He looked so innocent and helpless, but there was something
else there. Fear, she could see it now, his fear, he was afraid. This
was no longer the man she knew, he was unrecognizable to her.
“ Maybe I never hated him” Lindsey muttered. She didn’t
know what she meant by the words herself, but as she looked at Callum
in all his fear and helplessness, she didn’t know how to hate him
anymore.
“ You know you’re the one who should be in a hospital right
now, not him” with that parting shot Jimmy turned and left his daughter
standing over Callum.
CHAPTER: 34 FEAR & CONSEQUENCES
Lindsey sat back down shortly after Jimmy had left, now she was beginning
to have her doubts. She considered what had just happened between her
and Jimmy, was it really worth it, she was losing Jimmy for Callum. Jimmy
was her Dad, he had always been there for her, they had always stuck together,
they had always been close and she was risking losing him for Callum,
Callum Finnegan. Callum had always been her enemy, for four years they
had done nothing but try and cause the other pain, until recently. For
three years Lindsey had wanted Callum dead, and for three years she had
thought that he felt the same, until recently when he revealed that he
had never wanted her dead. Was he worth all the trouble? Was he worth
losing her Dad for? She looked at him and noticed something, his eyes
were open, he was awake again.
“ Callum?” she leaned forward, suddenly worried about how
long he had been awake. Callum’s eyes turned towards her. It seemed
to be painful for him to even move his eyes. Lindsey smiled despite her
doubts, it didn’t matter whether or not he was worth it, just as
long as he survived then she would be alright, she could make her decision
later.
As he looked at her the fear now was as clear as his love for her, it
showed plain as day in his eyes. She could see it, a love passionate and
strong, a fear strong and terrifying and a look that said he thought the
fear and pain was worth it. He tried to speak but she couldn’t hear
him, the clear breathing mask over his face made it impossible to hear
his already barely audible speech.
“ What is it Callum? What’s wrong?” she saw a flash
of agony pass over his face. He suddenly tensed, a beeping noise rang
loud in Lindsey’s ears from one the machines. A nurse suddenly appeared
at her side, desperately coaxing her away from the bed as a doctor and
two more nurses appeared.
“ Come on Miss Corkhill, come on, everything’s going to be alright,
just let the doctor do his work” the nurse’s voice was soft
and eager at the same time, but Lindsey didn’t hear her. All she
could hear was her Mother’s voice telling her ‘ He is lying
there dying for you, for you, Lindsey, damn the past!’ Lindsey remembered
why Jackie had said it now, it was because she wouldn’t forgive Callum
for what he had done to her. She knew now, as the nurse was gently trying
to push her out of the room, she knew she had to forgive him.
“ I forgive you Callum, I forgive you, please don’t leave
me” Lindsey found herself suddenly begin to sob as she said this.
Jackie was approaching the room as she heard Lindsey cry to Callum that
she forgave him, she heard Lindsey’s sobs and immediately ran to
her. Jackie put her arms around Lindsey, pulling her away from the nurse
and out of the room. She pulled Lindsey away as they rushed Callum out
of the room and to the operating theatre.
Lindsey again endured the silent, everlasting and heart-wrenching wait
for news on his condition. They still didn’t know why he had been
taken to the operating room, but they waited. No one could comfort Lindsey,
she sat again in the seat and rocked herself back and forth. She was suddenly
feeling something that she hadn’t experienced during the previous
agonizing wait, she suddenly felt fear, fear that she would lose him,
fear that he would die not knowing about his child which Lindsey bore,
fear that her child would never know the wonderful man that was it’s
father.
It overwhelmed her suddenly as she briefly considered what she would
do if Callum did die. She thought about whether or not she would regret
not running away with him to Portugal? She thought about whether she would
have any regrets about him at all? Then she thought about Jackie’s
words ‘Thing is Lindsey love you only get one chance at it, if you
pass by the person who loves you like you love them, you'll never find
them again’ Lindsey wondered whether or not this was true, if it
was she suddenly wondered if she would love again. ‘ Why am I thinking
this!’ Lindsey suddenly screamed at herself ‘ Of course I’ll
love again, I don’t feel that strongly about him!’ Lindsey sighed
and dropped her head into her hands, she knew why she was asking herself
that question, Jackie had told her that you would never find another person
to truly love you twice. Callum truly loved her, that she did not doubt
at all, and if Callum truly loved her then would she be able to find someone
else who did other than him?
She sighed again, she knew that no one could love her as much as Callum
did, he was willing to die for her, there weren’t many people willing
to do that for someone who hated them. Then she again considered this,
did Callum know that she loved him?
The fear became stronger, what if he died unaware that she did love him?
She couldn’t let that happen, he had to live, he had to know that
she loved him like he loved her. Then again she stopped, did she really
love him that much? Did she really love him as much as he loved her? That
wasn’t possible, was it? Lindsey wanted to scream, she couldn’t
find a definite answer within herself, every time she thought she had
an answer she found a thousand contradictions to that answer, why couldn’t
she decide? Why couldn’t she just still hate Callum and forget about
him? Why couldn’t she feel some hatred towards him? If she did it
would make things a lot easier, if she hated him, even just a little,
then it wouldn’t hurt so much, she wouldn’t be so scared.
Lindsey guessed that these were the consequences of falling in love
with a man who had hurt you so much. She recounted exactly what Callum
had done to her over the four years that she had known him.
He had kidnapped her, attempted to rape her twice (once while he held
her at ransom to Barry Grant, the other time outside of Bar Brookie),
he had had her viciously beaten, he had blew up her nightclub and had
threatened to kidnap Kylie. Lindsey thought about all this, trying to
ignite some hate within her, but she failed. She could no longer bring
herself to hate him, every time she thought about the bad times the memories
of Portugal came rushing back to her.
She remembered the night in the club when he tried to persuade her
to go home with him. ‘ Lindsey nothing’ll happen if you don’t
want it to. I’m offering you a free room, free breakfast and a free
lift to anywhere you want in a BMW convertible. No strings’ She suddenly
remembered how soft his voice had been, how coaxing he had sounded, how
persuasive, she now marveled at how she had been able to turn him down.
She had turned him down because of Shelley that night, now when she thought
about it she had known then, standing before him as he swore he wouldn’t
touch her, that something would have happened, she would have gave into
him and she would have slept with him that very night. She now believed
that it would have been better if she had, if she had slept with him then
she would have still had another night after that to share with him before
she had to go home.
Lindsey wondered if she would ever be able to share another night
with him. ‘ The consequences of falling in love with the man you
hate’ she thought to herself. She glanced at Jimmy across the room,
he was the only one who didn’t appear even slightly nervous. She
again asked herself the question Is Callum really worth it? Lindsey lowered
her head suddenly deep in thought ‘Yes, yes he is’ she answered
with a slight smile passing over her face. She knew he was worth everything,
she thought back to the night he proposed, he had actually appeared to
want Kylie, he actually seemed As though he wanted to be a father to her.
She recalled the conversation word for word.
“ She’d love Portugal”
“ I’m sure she would” Lindsey had replied, surprisingly
unsarcastic.
“ We could find her a decent school there, all sorts of opportunities
could open up for her”
“ Oh I can just picture it, Nan and Grandad coming round for Sunday
lunch” Even then Lindsey had been aware of Jimmy’s hate for
Callum. Callum had began to laugh.
“ We’d...we’d have to work on that one” He replied
grinning “ Look it’s what you want for own daughter that counts”
Callum had said with a look that said Kylie would have everything if Lindsey
said ‘yes’ “ She and Cloey would be great company for each
other” Callum’s sudden mention of Cloey had sparked Lindsey’s
curiosity.
“ Rose and Alasdair’s daughter!” she had exclaimed, at
the time she had not been aware of Callum’s relationship with Rose,
although now it seemed so natural and obvious to her that Callum was Cloey’s
father. “ You’re getting custody!” she had again exclaimed.
This had been the turning point of their conversation, but Lindsey
carried on remembering, she remembered one part specifically because of
Callum’s reaction to something she said.
“ I am the closest relative” Callum had replied after Lindsey
had been shocked at his gaining custody. Lindsey suddenly thought she
knew what he was up to.
“ Oh, so I’m been hired as glorified babysitter am I?”
she spoke sarcastically and confidently, she believed she had seen through
his plan. Callum laughed.
“ Certainly not, people would be employed to entertain the children...Plus
I want to do my bit. I am looking forward to been a Daddy” Lindsey
understood fully now what he had meant. He had been Cloey’s father
all along but had been denied his shot at fatherhood. ‘Consequences’
Lindsey again thought, she seemed to be thinking a lot about consequences
lately, ‘ Callum had had an affair with his brother’s wife,
he had suffered the consequences of this by losing his daughter’
Lindsey thought quietly to herself ‘ I’m falling in love with
the man who is a vicious gangster and has hurt my family, I’m now
suffering the consequences by driving my Dad away from me’ Lindsey
compared her consequences to Callum’s, it was nothing in comparison,
he had lost his daughter, she was losing her Dad. Callum had got his daughter
back, and in time Jimmy would hopefully come around, she hoped.
CHAPTER: 35 LOVE & ABANDONMENT
Lindsey was snapped sharply from her thoughts as a flushed, exhausted
doctor burst into the room. Lindsey jumped to her feet, immediately back
in touch with her situation. She could tell the doctor was panicked, she
immediately feared the worse because of this.
“ Miss Corkhill?” he came slightly forward, looking from Jackie,
to Jacqui, then to Lindsey. Lindsey came slowly, and almost cautiously,
forward.
“ Yes” her voice was not quite as composed as she had hoped
it would be. She glanced around nervously, she didn’t know why, but
she did. She saw the look on Jimmy’s face and instantly wanted to
pounce, but she was more interested in what the doctor had to say.
“ You’re the victim’s....” Lindsey interrupted in
a second, she wanted to know he was alright, she wanted to be told that
everything was fine.
“ Yes, please doctor, I know you’re not aware of how anxious
I am, the other doctor knows but you have taken over from him and don’t
know, but please just tell me that he’s going to make it, please”
Lindsey’s voice was shaking with her anxiety and her sheer state
of panic.
“ Alright Miss Corkhill, will you sit down please” the doctor
signalled to a seat. Lindsey sat and looked at the doctor with an incredible
intensity which told the doctor just how she felt about this man.
“ Eh, Mr Finnegan, Callum, has suffered from internal bleeding,
it was something that wasn’t noticeable during the first op, but
it became worse and that’s what caused the severe pains in his stomach”
Lindsey nodded acknowledging the doctor’s looks that asked whether
or not she followed. “Right well, it has taken some time and some
effort as I’m sure you're aware and we did everything possible”
Lindsey’s stomach tightened and she thought she was going to collapse,
her head suddenly began to spin “ Are you alright?” the doctor
queried placing a gentle hand on her arm.
“ Please tell me you're not saying this” Lindsey’s
eyes filled in a second, she felt an overwhelming nausea and a faintness
passed over her.
“ Please let me finish Miss Corkhill, he’s fine” Lindsey
swung her head with an amazing speed to look at him.
“ He’s alright, he’s going to make it” Lindsey suddenly
felt alright again, the nausea passed away in a second.
“ Well I wouldn’t recommend taking him home yet, but we think
he has a good chance, especially with such a wound, he’s fought it
well, he definitely thinks there’s something worth living for”
the doctor gave her a pleasant smile which told her that he was referring
to her. Lindsey smiled in return.
“ When will I be able to see him?” she asked hopefully.
“ Well he won’t be around for an hour or so yet, but if you
want to sit with him until he anaesthetic wears off that’s fine”
the doctor said rising from his seat.
“ Thank you so much” Lindsey shook his hand, her eyes stinging
with hot tears that were merely the result of an overwhelming relief and
joy. Jackie came forward and put a comforting arm around her daughter.
The doctor left having told them where Callum could be found. Lindsey
fell back into her seat and sobbed with sheer relief, the fear had passed
and the consequences no longer mattered, he was going to live, he was
going to make it, that was all that mattered to her. Jackie sat down beside
her.
“ Are you alright love?” she asked quietly as she put a
comforting arm around her.
“ Ah I’m just.....I’m just so relieved that he’s going
to be alright now, for a moment I thought I was going to lose him”
Lindsey replied shaking her head, the thought of losing him was a little
too much to bear.
“ Yeah well, it’s like the doctor says, he obviously thinks
there’s something worth hanging on for” Jackie looked at Lindsey
hopefully, she wanted Lindsey to be with Callum now, she no longer cared
what it would cost, her daughter was clearly happy with this man and that
meant more to her than the past, unlike Jimmy.
“ I get your point Mam, you want me to be with him” Lindsey
then looked over at Jimmy, he was standing with his arms folded across
his chest and clearly unhappy with the outcome of things. “ There’s
only me Dad who has a problem with it now” Jimmy turned away as he
heard Lindsey’s words. Lindsey smiled, she was clearly happy with
the result, she no longer cared what Jimmy thought, she was happy, Callum
was going to survive.
“ Come on, you’d better be there when he wakes up or might think
you’ve decided to leave him again” Jacqui spoke coming forward
and opening the door for Lindsey as she rose.
“ This doesn’t mean I’m staying with him you know”
Lindsey suddenly turned back to Jackie.
“ Well why not!?” Jackie exclaimed.
“ Mam” Lindsey sighed “ If I want to be with Callum I have
to go to Portugal to live” Lindsey explained.
“ So! At least you’ll be happy” Jackie argued.
“ I can’t go to Portugal Mam, what about Kylie?” Jackie
sighed submitting to Lindsey’s argument.
“ Alright, alright. Look what matters now is that you’re there
now while he needs you, so come on incase he wakes up sooner than we thought”
As they left the room Jimmy smiled to himself, Lindsey wasn’t going
to leave after all, Callum would go to Portugal, Lindsey would cry for
a little while before she realized that it was the right thing to do,
then they could all get back to normal and Callum Finnegan would never
plague their lives again.
Lindsey sat by Callum’s side her head spinning as she looked
at him. She had thousands of thoughts flying round all at once, she was
no longer so sure of her position in all of this. Jackie stood behind
her desperately trying to figure a way to persuade Lindsey not to let
him get away from her so easily. She could understand her daughter’s
point of view, but at the same time she knew how precious such a strong
love was.
“ Can you see it now?” Lindsey glanced up at Jackie with a questioning
look on her face “ How much he needs you I mean” Jackie elaborated.
Lindsey looked back down at Callum, the fear was still there in his face,
the breathing mask was still covering his face, she could still hear the
gentle hiss of the machine as it pumped air into Callum’s lungs.
She shook her head sadly, she knew he needed her, she didn’t need
to see it, she knew it.
“ Yeah I know, but.....” before she could finish Jackie
spoke again.
“ Can you see how much you mean to him?” she asked.
“ Yeah I saw that when he threw himself in front of a flying bullet
to stop it from hitting me” Lindsey’s voice was becoming low
and threatening, Jackie decided that now was not the time to carry on
fighting for Callum, in time he would be able to argue the point for himself,
surely it couldn’t be long before he came round now.
Callum’s eyes suddenly flickered, Lindsey seemed throw herself even
closer to him as he began to stir. She felt his hand twitch as she held
it tightly.
“ Callum?” her voice was low, barely even a whisper. His eyes
opened slowly, he carefully, and almost painfully, moved his head slightly
so that he could look at her better. He attempted to speak but the mask
still restricted his voice, also he was weak he barely had the energy
left in him to open his eyes. There was no need though, Lindsey knew exactly
what he had tried to say. It had merely been her name.
“ I’ll leave you alone” Jackie whispered, Lindsey heard
her, but didn’t acknowledge her.
“ Yeah I’m here Callum” she held his hand even tighter
as she leaned as close as possible to him. She gently ran her hand over
his hair with her free hand. Callum desperately wanted to speak to her,
but knew he couldn’t. Lindsey didn’t mind, his eyes said everything
for him. Lindsey considered what the doctor had said ‘ He definitely
thinks there’s something worth living for’ Lindsey thought about
this and wondered if she was the only reason that he had clung onto life
so desperately. If so then how could she tell him that even after all
this she wouldn’t leave with him? Lindsey thought quietly to herself
as Callum looked up at her with a deep love in his eyes, Lindsey thought
about the saying ‘True love conquers all, or so they say’ Lindsey
wondered if that was how Callum had survived, for the sake of true love.
Continued Next week.......
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