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CHAPTER: 28 FORGIVENESS
“ Callum?” Callum looked up as Jackie Corkhill knelt down
beside him. She slid an arm around his shoulder and pulled him to her
to comfort him. She couldn't believe she was doing this, but it was for
Lindsey’s sake.
“ I am so sorry Jackie” Callum suddenly apologized.
“ What for?” she asked quietly sighing.
“ Everything” he replied pulling away from her so that he could
look at her “ I've made all your lives hell by causing Lindsey all
that trouble, hah, and now the trouble I'm causing is because I love her!”
Jackie looked at Callum rather suspiciously, but saw that he meant it.
“ Yeah well it’s a better excuse than the other ones isn't it”
Callum smiled slightly at her.
“ Yeah I guess it is” Jackie smiled back “ Only thing is”
he sighed “ you any idea how much it hurts having to live with the
knowledge of how much I hurt her when deep down I know that I always had
feelings for her” Jackie looked at him, she couldn't believe how
close she was to almost feeling sorry for him.
“ I know what its like to hurt someone you love, I did it recently
myself” Jackie sighed, she was referring to how she had slept with
Shelley, even though at the time she wasn’t aware of her relationship
with Lindsey, there was also her reaction when Lindsey had confessed about
her and Callum.
“ No you don't” Callum replied shaking his head “ Not when
you've hurt them as much as I have” Callum was close to tears as
he thought about what he had put Lindsey through. Jackie wasn’t sure
if sleeping with Shelley had hurt Lindsey as much as what Callum had.
“ Well I'll tell you what, if you want to make up for what you did
to her you'll meet me in Bar Brookie tonight” Jackie rose and Callum
followed her, his face portraying his shock.
“ Me go in Bar Brookie!” he exclaimed.
“ No one'll touch you, you'll be with me” Jackie reassured him.
“ Yeah me and you against the flamin' lynch mob, yeah right”
Jackie sighed as his sarcastic tone returned.
“ Our Lindsey will be there an' all, no one'll do owt, trust me,
if you really care about our Lindsey you'll be there at eight, right”
Jackie didn't wait for a reply, she turned and walked away, leaving Callum
to make the decision on his own.
As Jackie walked out she smiled, she had been able to forgive the
man who had caused her daughter so much pain, then again that daughter
had been able to forgive him so why shouldn't she? ' Forgiven but never
forgotten' she thought quietly to herself.
CHAPTER: 29 IGNORANCE & ANGER
Callum stood alone in the room after Jackie left. The immense silence
was torturing him. He wanted someone, anyone, to be there just so he wouldn't
feel so alone. He sighed what help would it be if he did go to Bar Brookie,
or Bev’s Bar as Jackie had called it?, what difference would it make?
He knew he would have to back to Portugal and he knew that Lindsey would
never leave England to go with him. He sighed as he pulled his jacket
on and turned to walk out, then he remembered something, he turned back
and immediately began searching the desk.
“ Damn” he cursed, he couldn't find them, he couldn't find the
pictures of Portugal that he had shown Lindsey. He must have been in some
daze to have been able to forget them the last time he had walked out
of the warehouse. Anyone could have found them 'Someone must have they're
not here now' he thought as he walked out wondering just who had taken
the pictures.
“ Jimmy?” Jackie asked quietly, Lindsey had gone out on
another of her increasingly frequent walks. Jackie wondered just where
she went on these walks, she wondered if she went to see Callum, then
she thought not, she knew Lindsey didn't want to see Callum because it
would only make it harder when the time came for him to leave.
“ Yes love” Jimmy answered. Jackie looked at him, she now didn't
know how to ask.
“ Jimmy what would you do if Callum walked into the Bar tonight while
we were there?” Jackie sounded innocent enough and Jimmy didn't suspect
the real motives behind the question.
“ I'd tear the son of a bitch limb from limb after what he’s
done to us” Jimmy replied in a vicious voice which made Jackie believe
his words.
“ You wouldn't would you? I mean we all know that he and our Lindsey
sorted their differences in Portugal” Jackie still sounded innocent
but her real nerves were beginning to seep through a bit.
“ All the more reason, we all know that he'll always be out to hurt
our Lindsey somehow, his earning her trust in Portugal was probably all
part of some plan to screw her up again and you should know it” Jimmy
replied in a voice that again didn't hide his deep hatred for Callum.
“ But what if it wasn't?” Jackie’s voice now beginning
to sound too defensive of Callum “What if he genuinely has fallen
for our Lindsey and wants to make up for what he did?” Jimmy looked
at Jackie suspiciously.
“ Are you defending him!? Him of all people!” Jimmy cried slamming
the newspaper onto the table.
“ No! I'm just saying what if something really did happen in Portugal,
what if he is in love with our Lindsey.....?” Jimmy cut in.
“ Don't be so bloody stupid! That man doesn't know what love is.....”
before Jimmy could continue Jackie interrupted with a comment that shocked
Jimmy into silence.
“ And what if our Lindsey’s in love with him! Did you think
about that!? You've done nothing but insult him and shout at her for being
friendly with him! But did you ever once during your insults stop to think
about Lindsey’s feelings? Did you ever stop to consider about how
your comments might be hurting her?” Jimmy was stunned, he'd always
been so sure that Lindsey had shared his opinion, but now when he thought
about it he had caught her about to fall into Callum’s arms that
night in the club, how could he have been so sure that she didn't have
feelings for him?
“ Don't be ridiculous” he chastised Jackie in a voice that
no longer sounded so confidant “After what hes done to our Lindsey,
how could she love him?” Jimmy picked up his paper and carried on
reading, showing Jackie that it was the end of the discussion.
Lindsey stood outside waiting for them to continue arguing about her.
' How dare they!' Lindsey growled inside her head 'How dare they decide
my feelings for me!' Lindsey was angry now, they were deciding her feelings
for her. It had only been last night that Jackie had told that she was
in love, Lindsey had told her different, she wasn't in love, she felt
something but it wasn't love, that she was sure of and she had told Jackie
so.
Jackie sat glaring at Jimmy, how could he dismiss the subject so easily,
he knew Callum was in England, he knew Callum was in Liverpool, how could
he ignore it so easily. Jimmy knew there was nothing stopping Callum from
walking into Bar Brookie, but then again Jimmy was sure that if he did
Lindsey would want him thrown out, he was sure that Lindsey was still
against him. He couldn't have been more wrong.
CHAPTER: 30 DYING FOR LOVE
Callum sat in his L-reg. ford, he glanced at his watch 7:56. He watched
as Lindsey emerged round a corner with Jimmy and Jackie, he sighed dropping
his head to the steering wheel, he had four minutes to decide. As he glanced
back a vicious scowl spread across his face, now the decision had been
made for him.
Barry had a day and a half before he had to board the flight that
would take him back to either certain death or certain imprisonment. He
had a rival gang baying for his blood and the police about to receive
evidence from the rival gang, he had to get the money to pay them off
and he knew Lindsey had it. But now he was angry, very angry. Callum had
not been seen or heard from since his last appearance at Lindsey's house,
so Barry thought he would be able to make a move without him knowing.
Barry had told no one of his plan to attack so Callum could not have found
out from anyone.
As Barry crept into the bar Callum emerged from his car, hand on his
gun. He heard the screams and began to sprint towards the bar.
“ Barry come on there’s no need to do this” Lindsey was
frightened, she knew Barry was going to shoot, her only hope was to buy
time. Jackie glanced nervously at the clock, a minute to eight, she only
hoped Callum had chose to come.
“ Screw you Lindsey....” before he continued Lindsey made her
move to buy time.
“ Been there, done that” she replied sarcastically, but Barry
was having none of it. He pulled the trigger. Everything happened fast,
but to Lindsey it lasted a life time, she heard the second shot and turned
throwing her arms out pushing Callum away, but it didn't work. She heard
herself cry out, she was watching herself, she saw her attempt to push
Callum away fail.
“ Callum! No!” It was too late, she felt his body contract
as the bullet hit home, she felt his weight fall against her. She lowered
him carefully to the ground, the blood seeping from the hole in his stomach.
She felt the hot tears and saw the deep red blood, but still it wasn't
real.
Callum saw everything begin to turn black as he felt a piercing pain force
his body to contract and double up. He tried to straighten but the pain
was deep and sickening and he felt himself fall. He felt Lindsey seize
him as his vision began to blur, he tried to focus but it hurt his eyes,
he wanted to cry out in pain but couldn't.
Lindsey glanced up, looking for Barry, wanting to lash out, wanting
to lay the blame, but she couldn't see him. Then she looked down and saw
Jimmy leaning over his body, confirming to Jackie that he was dead. This
did nothing to relieve Lindsey. Jacqui Dixon arrived at her side.
“ I've called an ambulance” she replied gasping, she had clearly
ran to and from the phone behind the bar.
“ Take this, hide it” Lindsey handed her Callum's gun.
“ I'll take it” Sam appeared at her side clearly distressed.
Lindsey looked and saw Barrys' body been dragged away and the blood quickly
been cleared away. Bev appeared now with a damp towel. Jacqui took it
and put the pressure on Callum’s wound. Lindsey held his head in
her lap and suddenly it was real, it hit her. Callum was dying. She held
his head tightly to her as she began to sob.
“ God don't you leave me Callum, hang on” Callum looked
at her, he felt his strength fading, he wanted to speak but couldn't.
He weakly took hold of her hand. He heard the sirens of the ambulance
“ Its going to be alright Callum, the ambulance is here” she
clung to him tightly. Callum let a faintly sarcastic smile cross his smile,
' They can't do anything' he thought to himself. “ Promise you won't
leave me Callum, promise me” she whispered. Callum looked at her,
he was afraid that his promise would be broken if he did, but he saw the
desperate look in her eyes. He drew a long gasp of a breath, his strength
was gone.
“ I promise” he whispered feebly, barely audible, but Lindsey
heard him. She knew that he didn't believe it himself.
The paramedics burst in. Jacqui pulled Lindsey away as they mounted him
onto the wheeled bed to take him straight to the ambulance. Lindsey wanted
to go with him but they told her she couldn't, they told her they had
to act immediately on the wound and it might upset her more if she were
to watch.
“ Come on we'll follow behind in my car” Jacqui pulled away
from Callum's side as the paramedics took him out into the night air to
the ambulance.
Lindsey felt a nauseating feeling overwhelm her as she followed behind
the ambulance, the sirens screaming, the lights flashing. It felt so unreal.
This was Callum Finnegan and she was following behind his ambulance, praying
for his life. But somehow that didn't matter anymore. She remembered what
Jackie had said to her ' You're in denial because you don't want to love
him, but you do, and you will realize it, sooner or later' Lindsey felt
it in that moment, she knew, and this was what it had taken to make her
realize. She hadn't realized until the point that she was going to lose
him.
CHAPTER: 31 NOT BEEN ABLE TO FORGIVE
Lindsey sat in the waiting room. She was rocking back and forth in
the chair, muttering to herself, chanting the words 'Oh God please don't
take him away from me', Jacqui looked on pitifully, there was nothing
she could do to console her, she had tried but it was no good. Lindsey
had not stopped crying yet and Jacqui marveled at just how much fluid
she could have in her body. It had been over an hour since they had last
received news on Callum’s situation. Jacqui began to wonder if the
doctor had forgotten about them.
Lindsey jumped to her feet as she heard the door open. Jacqui sighed
as Lindsey flopped back into the chair, her hopes shattered. Jackie walked
into the room, closely followed by Jimmy. Jacqui approached them.
“ We were hoping it might the doctor with some news” Jackie
nodded understandingly before turning to Lindsey. She was about to sit
beside her when Jacqui stopped her. “ She said she just wants to
be left alone” Jackie looked at the state of her daughter and couldn't
believe that it was her. She sat seeming totally oblivious to her parents
presence, rocking back and forth in the chair again pleading with God
not to take Callum away from her.
Lindsey jumped up again as the door opened, this time her patience was
rewarded, it was the doctor. Lindsey immediately ran up to him, her eyes
begging him for good news.
“ You're Lindsey am I right?” he spoke his voice rough and
low.
“ Yes, yes I am” Lindsey wanted to ask straight out if Callum
was alive, but she was afraid of the answer.
“ Right well could you sit down please” the doctor signalled
for Lindsey to sit. She sank into the chair her face showing what she
was thinking 'Hes dead' it hit her instantly, as soon as he had said sit
down she had felt herself about to collapse, she had felt her world collapse.
“ It was as you may have noticed a long procedure, but we removed
the bullet and fought hard to restrain the flow of blood that your friend
was losing......”
“ Look doctor” Lindsey cut in “ I have no desire to enter
the medical world so please save me the ins and outs and the details of
the op, there’s only one thing I'm interested in so please doctor
just tell me” Lindsey’s voice was struggling not to subside
to the sobs fighting to be released.
“ Okay, well” the doctor drew a breath and Lindsey felt
her heart flailing and the tears reappear “ I wouldn't take him from
the critical list just yet but....” Lindsey suddenly felt her heart
rate increase as it re-submerged from the depths to which it had just
sank a second ago.
“ So he’s alive! He’s going to make it!?” the doctor
smiled for her as he saw the happiness.
“ He should regain consciousness soon” the doctor nodded. Jimmy
stood the opposite side of the room scowling at his daughters love for
this man he despised so much. “ But I wouldn't rule out such possibilities
yet, just don't.....don't build your hopes too high” he replied softly.
“ But I can see him?, I can talk to him?” Lindsey was suddenly
full of an overwhelming happiness and relief.
“ Yes” he smiled as he rose and Lindsey followed him giving
him a warm hug before he lead to Callum’s room.
Lindsey braced herself before walking in, she didn't know what to
expect, she didn't know what sort of state he would be in. As she entered
slowly her eyes jumped ahead of her trying to see exactly how bad he was.
She sighed, there was but a couple of tubes, but she could barely see
his face for the mask helping him breath. She could hear the machine pumping
the air for him to breath. Her eyes immediately filled again as she thought
about the fact that he couldn't breath for himself, as she thought about
how close she was to losing him. The doctor had said that he was not off
the critical list yet and he had not confirmed that he was going to survive.
She slowly sat in a chair placed beside the bed. With tear-filled eyes
she took hold of his hand and placed it carefully to her cheek. His hand
was, as always, warm, he never seemed to be cold when she touched him.
A hot tear ran down her cheek and onto his hand, Callum felt the hot
wetness, slight as it was, he had felt it. He felt himself begin to stir
and at the same time felt a piercing stab of pain run through his body.
The pain seemed to be circulating at his stomach, he didn't know what
it was, he couldn't remember what had happened. But as his eyes flickered
open he forgot the pain, ignored the fact that he was in a hospital and
didn't know why, because despite his temporarily blurred vision he could
see Lindsey, he could feel her presence. Then suddenly another sharp stab
ran through him and suddenly he remembered, he remembered seeing Barry
Grant fall to the ground as he shot him, but also remembered that he had
fell too. He felt the darkness wash over him again just as Lindsey was
about to speak.
“ Callum, I don't know if you can hear me right now, but maybe
its better if you can't anyway” she fought to prevent the sobs from
interrupting her speech. She looked at him, she no longer saw the man
who had hurt her so much, she no longer saw a vicious and brutal gangster,
instead she what lay before her now. A weak, helpless man who was dying
so that she could live, he was a man who was pale and could no longer
breathe on his own, he was a man who loved her and was dying because of
that love. Lindsey could no longer deny it, she could no longer deny him
“ I love you Callum” she whispered crying onto his hand as she
pressed it to her face “ and I'm so sorry that I've never told you
before, huh look what its took to make me realize just how much I love
you and need you. I'm sorry Callum, I'm sorry that I have to leave you,
I'm sorry that I can't give you a reason to wake up and carry on living,
but I think we both know that its impossible for us to be together, after
what we've been through in the past, I-I just don't think I could live
with you and that knowledge, I'm sorry Callum and I do love you, and I'll
never forget how much you love me either” Lindsey rose from her seat
and kissed Callum’s' forehead “ I'm sorry” she apologized
one last time before turning and walking away from the man she had hated
and came to love, but still could not forgive.
When she left the room Jackie threw her arms around her as she sobbed
into her shoulder, Jackie had heard what she had said and found herself
angry, not because Lindsey loved Callum, but because Lindsey had refused
to forgive him. Jackie pushed Lindsey up and spun her so that she could
see Callum from where she stood. Lindsey tried to turn away from the sight
but Jackie held her firmly and stood close to her ear.
“ Look at him Lindsey, look at him, you just take a good look and
think” Lindsey didn't understand why Jackie was doing this “
You think that once you walk out of this hospital thats the image you're
going to be stuck with forever, thats how you'll remember him, all the
other memories will count as nothing because this will be the one you
remember the most, not how much he loved you and not your night of passion,
all you'll remember is that you loved him and you walked away from him
as he lay in a hospital bed dying and you wouldn't forgive despite the
fact that his love for you was mutual, thats what you'll remember”
Lindsey was sobbing almost uncontrollably now but Jackie wasn't finished
“ And do you know what'll make that memory stick the most, the knowledge
that he is lying there dying for you, for you Lindsey, damn the past!
Yes he hurt you and yes you succeeded at hurting him sometimes, but look
at him Lindsey, look at him, he’s dying, he’s in pain and he’s
frightened, he’s bound to be and you, the woman he loves is walking
away because she can't put the past behind her and focus on the fact that
shes happy with him and that he is dying for her” Jackie's words
stung but that was what she had wanted, she had wanted Lindsey to realize
just what she was doing, they all hated Callum and they all admitted that
he had hurt Lindsey, but they all knew that he loved her now and would
do anything to take the past away. Jackie turned Lindsey back to face
her “ Lindsey love, some of us wait forever to find someone who loves
us, truly loves us, I'm still waiting” Lindsey managed a laugh “
but thing is Lindsey love, you only get one chance at it, if you pass
by the person who loves you like you love them, you'll never find them
again, most people aren't lucky enough to have someone who’s willing
to die for them, most people don't know that the person they love is willing
to, but look at him love, he’s lying in that bed dying for you, I
think he’s proved his point don't you?” Lindsey looked back
at Callum and saw his eyes flicker as he finally came back round, he knew
that Lindsey had left him, but as he turned he saw her outside of the
room.
“ He’s awake” Lindsey heard herself speak, she moved
towards the bed, not intentionally but she couldn't stop herself. She
felt herself pulled towards him and she couldn't stop her feet from moving.
She reached the bed and saw him smile weakly up at her. She smiled back
as the tears streamed from her eyes. She again took hold of his hand and,
sitting down, she placed it gently to her face. Callum felt her flesh
touch his and his whole body seemed to tingle with the feeling. Callum
drew a breath with the help of the respirator, summoned up any strength
he could and used it to hold Lindsey’s hand tightly. She smiled as
she felt his hand close around hers.
Continued Next week.......
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