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CHAPTER: 24 CONFESSIONS
Jackie and Lindsey stood in silence until they heard the door quietly
click shut. Somehow that quiet click cut into Lindsey deeper than all
the arguments and beatings and anything else that she had ever suffered
before at Callum's hand. Jackie looked at Lindsey her expression not quite
clear, it was a mixture of sympathy, confusion and slight anger. She knew
that Lindsey had not been truthful in her previous version of events.
“ So are you going to tell me now what really went on between
the two of you?” Lindsey stared at the floor, she didn't know herself
what was going on between her and Callum. It was the strangest of attractions
and she couldn't explain it to herself let alone anyone else.
“ Can I change my top first?” she asked quietly like a naughty
child about to be punished.
“ Of course” Jackie nodded walking towards the kettle. It was
like a ritual, if there was about to be a serious conversation or there
was a problem hitting the family, the kettle was always switched on.
Lindsey returned in a matter of minutes still not ready to face Jackie’s
questions but was willing to do it anyway. Jackie had a cup of coffee
waiting for Lindsey. Lindsey sighed as she sat down facing Jackie across
the table.
“ Right then lets start at the beginning, again” Jackie's
voice was cold, Lindsey had lied to her about what had happened and she
didn't like that. She liked to think that Lindsey would be willing to
talk to her about anything, she didn't think about the special circumstances
in this case, she still wanted Lindsey to be willing to talk to her.
“ Huh, where’s the beginning?” Lindsey shook her head,
Callum had been right, they had always sparked, much as Lindsey hated
to admit it there had always been a weird sort of chemistry between them.
“ The night he proposed, what really happened?”
“ I told you the truth about that” Lindsey replied quietly.
“ Right then, what about Portugal?” Jackie prompted.
“ I lied a little” Lindsey admitted.
“ What about?”
“ I'll tell you everything, just give me time” Lindsey sighed
looking down at the table then back at Jackie, Jackie nodded in agreement
“ Right, I didn't just go and see him the night I stormed out of
the bar, I went to see him the night after we first saw him, when he was
attacked” Jackie stared at Lindsey in what almost shock.
“ You went to see him of your own accord despite the fact that
you hadn't yet discovered his 'softer side' as you described it”
“ Yes, it was then that I discovered his 'softer side'” Lindsey
replied. She spoke to Jackie as coldly as Jackie did to her.
“ Right, so what happened?” Jackie wouldn't look at Lindsey
as she asked, she was afraid of what the answer might be.
“ Who says anything did happen?” Lindsey asked her voice sharp.
“ Well you said you discovered his softer side, how did that come
about?” Jackie asked now looking at Lindsey.
“ We talked” Lindsey replied her voice as sharp as ever despite
the fact that her memories were now rushing back, she tried to ignore
them. 'Tried' being the operative word.
“ What did you talk about?” Jackie asked, some of the iciness
disappearing from her voice. Lindsey sighed deeply.
“ Stuff” she shrugged “ We talked about the night he proposed,
about how and why it went wrong” she drew a deep breath “ Er,
we talked about how he had never, ever had any intention of killing me.....”
Jackie cut in with a sarcastic laugh.
“ Yeah right, son of a bitch”
“ Yeah and he proved it” Lindsey glared at Jackie “ But
I won't go into detail about that with you because you're like me Dad,
you wouldn't believe it anyway, would you?” Jackie glared back “
Right as I was saying” Lindsey continued “ We talked about how
I was enjoying the holiday so far and we talked about what happened when
everyone found about me and Shelley, although we naturally didn't linger
on that subject for too long......” Jackie again interrupted.
“ Look how about we just cut to the important bit” she sighed
before she continued “What really went on with the two of you?”
Jackie looked at Lindsey and could see that she didn't know the answer
to that herself “ You did sleep with him didn't you?” Jackie
suddenly announced to Lindsey’s shock, Lindsey had hoped that she
could avoid that part of the story.
“ Yes” she mumbled as she stared at the table. Jackie looked
at her in shock, she had believed it true, but she had not expected Lindsey
to admit it and she had not expected it to upset her as much as it clearly
did.
“ Oh God why love?, why?” Jackie asked shaking her head
in disbelief.
“ I can't explain it Mam, you wouldn't understand" Lindsey replied,
Jackie could hear the lump in” her throat.
“ Try me” Jackie suddenly challenged.
“ What do you want me to say? You've already made your verdict, you
think I'm out of my mind for even looking twice at him” Lindsey sounded
numb, she was determined not to let her true feelings show, but it was
too late, Jackie already knew how she felt. That was the only reason that
she had not already hauled her over the table.
“ No, I thought I had, but....you’re still my daughter and
I want you to be happy and if this man has made you happy, somehow, I'd
like to know how” Lindsey looked at Jackie and saw that she meant
it.
“ Okay then, I guess I'd better tell you about the night at the club,
that’s when it all really started” Lindsey sighed casting her
mind back to the night that seemed to be so far away.
“ Righto, I'm listening” Jackie smiled a little uncomfortably,
she wasn't sure that she wanted to know what really happened. She took
a drink of her coffee, never taking her eyes from Lindsey.
“ Well me and Shelley had an argument and I stormed to the bar
to get a drink” Lindsey watched Jackie who nodded letting her know
that she was listening “ and I saw Callum coming down some stairs
onto the dance floor, he seemed to immediately slip into the crowd it
was like everyone went up to him, huh especially women I noticed”
Lindsey took a quick sip from her cup. “ I turned to this woman next
to me and asked her if it was Callum Finnegan, she apparently turned out
to work for him and we got talking about him and she started telling me
all this stuff about how he was really depressed because he was in love
with this woman who didn't feel the same way and how he refused to talk
about her. She told me that the club, which was Callum’s, was dedicated
to a woman called Lindsey Corkhill, of course she didn't know that was
me”
Lindsey again looked at Jackie who appeared to be taking everything
in “ Anyway she told me about how all the woman wanted to hook him
because he was a devoted, faithful, loyal and extremely rich guy and because
he was also a good dancer. We had a bit of a laugh actually, all these
women were trying to dance with him and he was having none of it”
Lindsey grinned at the thought briefly before continuing. “ Anyway
I made her a bet, it was only for a laugh, it didn't mean anything, at
least I thought it didn't” she said the last bit in a subdued tone
as though she had suddenly sunk into deep thought “ Anyway”
she suddenly seemed to snap back to herself “ I bet her that I could
get him to dance with me, she was like 'you haven't got a chance', of
course I knew better, I knew he'd do anything to get his hands on me,
so...we danced. He talked me into a having a drink with him and I said
only if I could question him on this sudden 'new him'” Lindsey paused
as she remembered what he said ' This is me, its just you've never met
me before'.
“ And?” Jackie prompted Lindsey after she had been silent
for a while.
“ And he said it wasn't a new him, it was the real him that I had
never met before, I'd only ever met the 'business man' apparently,.....and
it was true” Lindsey looked at Jackie who was paying close attention
to what she was saying. Jackie too was curious about this other side to
Callum.
“ So theres the business man and theres the real man behind it
all”
“ Something like that” Lindsey sighed taking a drink from her
coffee.
“ So, do carry on”
“ Well we ended up talking about him” Lindsey shrugged “
He told me things that .... that just totally changed my view of him,
I suddenly felt sorry for him” Lindsey frowned, she couldn't believe
what she was saying herself how could she expect Jackie to believe it.
“ What exactly made you feel so sorry for him?”
“ Well, just.....” Lindsey sighed, how could she tell her? how
could she explain? how could she make her understand? She had seen Callum’s
face at the time and the look alone had made her realize, but Callum wasn't
here now and Jackie wouldn't be able to see his face or the pain that
Lindsey had saw there.
“ Well, come on then, what was it?” Jackie again asked,
snapping Lindsey back from thoughts of Callum’s devastated expression
when she had ran out, leaving him alone yet again.
“ I can't Mam, its not really something that should become public
knowledge” Lindsey knew straight away that her excuse had not worked,
she would have to tell Jackie.
“ Yeah right, its not going to be public knowledge, I'm not going
to tell anyone” Lindsey shook her head sighing.
“ Alright, alright. Do you remember Cloey?” Jackie nodded in
reply “ Rose and Alasdair's daughter” Lindsey told her who she
was anyway, just in case she confused her with someone else “Well
she wasn't Rose and Alasdair's, she was in fact Rose and Callum’s
daughter” Lindsey couldn't have put it more bluntly, she wasn't in
the mood for being gentle with her words and expressions.
“ You've got to be kidding me!” Jackie exclaimed “
But, I mean you told me about the affair, but the kid was his, but the
idea of it, did they not think about how dangerous it was?”
“ No Mam Rose and Callum had an affair, she loved Callum, she loved
Alasdair' money, its just the way things work isn't it, she wouldn't leave
Alasdair because she was afraid of what he might do, but at the same time
she wouldn’t leave Callum because she loved him” Lindsey explained.
“ I still don't see what this has to do with you and Callum, I mean
I know he killed the both of them for your protection as well as his...”
Jackie went quiet a for a moment “ Why was she going to kill you
again?” Jackie asked she hadn’t forgotten, she just wanted to
see if Lindsey’s story changed at all.
“ Because she had never got over Callum and she had found out
that he had fell for me and was planning to propose” Lindsey replied
simply in a calm tone that was beginning to infuriate Jackie. How could
she be so calm after what had just happened? The answer was: she was calm
because it was irritating Jackie and she knew it.
“ Alright so he fell for you and killed to protect you” Jackie
spoke sarcastically because it was irritating Lindsey. It was like a child’s
game, Lindsey aggravated Jackie, so Jackie aggravated Lindsey in return.
“ But that doesn't explain why you slept with him. What was it you
found the whole protective thing erotic, the fact that he was willing
to murder to protect you, what that turned you on?”
Lindsey’s eyes flashed with a danger that was almost as deep
as Callum’s had been just the other day in his eagerness to save
her. “ Or was it something else, did you find the violence a turn
on, what was it? You one of those sick people who get turned on by pain?
You like him to hit you? Does that arouse you?” Jackie was standing
now, leaning over the table practically hissing the words at Lindsey in
her rage. Lindsey’s jaw tightened, she gritted her teeth to control
the anger rushing through her, but she couldn't the words stung too much
and struck too deeply a nerve within her, a nerve she didn't know existed,
as she lunged from her chair almost throwing herself over the table as
she struck Jackie hard across the face.
“ Don't you ever, ever talk about him in that way again!”
Lindsey screamed, her voice harsh and fueled with emotion “ It was
not like that, it was never like that!” Lindsey’s voice was
loud and cutting. Jackie knew she had hurt her, but she didn't know how,
this was Callum Finnegan they had been talking about. Whether she had
slept with him or not her words shouldn't have hurt her so deeply that
she could respond with such an anger. Jackie slowly rose to her feet having
been knocked to the ground by her daughters blow. She looked at Lindsey
seriously and almost sympathetically, she knew what she was about to say
was true and she knew that Lindsey had not yet realized it.
“ You know don't you?” Jackie’s voice was calm and
controlled as she fought back tears.
“ Know what?” Lindsey asked in an equally calm tone.
“ You love him” Lindsey almost stumbled back.
“ What do you mean? Of course I don't love him, I felt something
for him, but I never loved him” Lindsey was shocked, she was adamant
her mother's words couldn't be true.
“ Oh yes you do” Jackie spoke firmly “ and you will realize
it soon, at the minute you're in denial because you don't want to love
him, but you do, and you will realize it, sooner or later” with that
Jackie turned and walked slowly and calmly away. Only once she was out
of the room did she drop against the wall and begin to cry. Her own daughter
was willing to strike her over someone they had all despised so much,
but now, after everything that he had done to her she had fell in love
with him and Jackie knew that despite all his failed attempts in the past
he would now be able to destroy her, whether he wanted to or not, he would
destroy her. Unless of course she gave in and agreed to act on the feelings
that she had not yet realized.
CHAPTER: 25 TIME TO REALIZE
Lindsey spent the entire night mulling over what her mother had said,
she couldn't love Callum, it was a impossibility. Or what if, like
Jackie had said, she was in denial, was it possible? Lindsey sighed, she
had to get some sleep, she was at work in the morning. Suddenly it hit
her, she sat bolt upright, that car from Thursday night, she knew now
where she had seen it before. It was Callum’s! He'd been watching
her!
It hit her now, he had come back to stop Barry, that had to be it, Callum
wouldn't have come back just to stare at her from a distance. Or would
he? She flopped back down, she had so much whizzing round her head, so
many answers, so many questions, so many what ifs?
Callum again locked himself in his room. Sam again paced the corridor
outside shouting through the door at him.
“ I can't believe you did that! Why? You should've let me in and
this would never have happened, I could have saved Lindsey, you could've
walked away with no 'what ifs?'” Callum lay on his bed, he was ignoring
Sam, and he was sure that Sam knew that he was.
Sam stopped and leaned against the wall, he needed to get Callum’s
attention, but he didn't know how. Then an idea hit him.
“ Callum? You listening to me in there?” No answer “ I'll
take that as no” he muttered to himself “ She’s at work
tomorrow” he called through the door. He heard Callum sit up, he
knew he had his attention “ Do you want to go see her?”
“ For what reason?” Callum asked with a voice that reeked of
a 'what’s the point' tone.
“ I don't know, you could just be passing by and decide to stop in
and ask her if she’s alright, it'd go well for showing her that you
care, score you some brownie points with her”
Callum threw the door open lunging at Sam.
“ Is that what you think this is all about!?” he cried slamming
Sam against the wall.
“ No” Sam pushed Callum back and straightened himself up “
but I had to get your attention somehow” Callum shrank as his anger
ebbed down. Sam looked at him again pitifully. He sighed “ Look if
you want I'll stop by tomorrow and ask her if she’s alright, pass
on a message if you want, that way you won't have to drag yourself away
again, do you want me to do that?” Callum stared at the floor for
a second.
“ Yeah I suppose, just ask her if she’s alright and make
sure she’s not losing any sleep over Barry, tell her she’s got
nothing to worry about, I'll deal with Barry” with that Callum walked
back into his room and Sam again heard the lock click. He sighed and fell
back against the wall. He had never imagined Callum as the sort of person
to lose it over a woman, or anything for that matter, except maybe Cloey,
he loved that kid, Sam sometimes thought it was like she was his, hell
she had his eyes.
Lindsey lay on her bed, she knew she wasn't going to sleep, maybe
it was all the coffee, 'Huh if only' she thought ' Blame it on anything
but the actual reason' She knew that was what she was doing, finding any
excuse but the real one, ' Callum Finnegan' she sighed 'Him of all people'
she still refused to admit it, though she knew it now. Her argument with
Jackie had been useful after all, she had forced Lindsey to realize before
it was too late. Only thing now, now she knew the truth what was she going
to do about it.
CHAPTER: 26 BITTER REACTION
Lindsey hung over the counter, her eyes almost black from the lack
of sleep. Sam walked in making sure it was her before approaching the
counter without an item.
“ How can I help you?” Lindsey asked forcing herself up. Lindsey
knew in that second who she was talking to, it was the barman from Callum’s
club.
“ Eh, its Lindsey right?” Sam asked innocently enough.
“ You know it is” Lindsey said in what was almost a growl.
“ Do I?” Sam frowned.
“ Yeah you do, I never forget a face” Lindsey leaned forward
over the counter.
“ Right, so you probably know why I'm here then?” Sam stepped
forward a bit “ Callum asked me to come and see if you were alright,
you know after what happened with Barry” Sam bit his lip, he knew
something was up when he saw her face.
“ Did he now? Couldn't come himself could he?” Lindsey’s
voice was bitter, but deep down she didn't mean it, she knew why Callum
hadn't come in person, she knew it was hard for him to walk away.
“ Look I'm not getting caught up between whatever’s going on
between you and him, he just asked me to see if you were okay”
“ Right well tell him I'm fine and that I'm losing no sleep”
Lindsey didn't know why she said it, but she did. Sam frowned at her,
Callum was so in love with her yet she seemed so cold about him. He knew
why she'd said it, she wanted Callum to think that she wasn't bothered.
Sam nodded.
“ Okay I'll tell him” with that he turned and walked away from
this clearly bitter woman.
Lindsey sighed and dropped her head into her hands as her elbows supported
her against the counter.
CHAPTER: 27 MEMORIES
Callum walked slowly into the warehouse. It seemed so long ago since
the night that she had almost said yes. At the time it had only been his
money that had tempted her. The night seemed such a distant memory but
as he stepped into the room it flooded back, every second. He looked round,
the room was exactly as it had been.
He looked round remembering everything, the bed was still there where
he had slept waiting to be given the all clear to go home.
As he stopped still he could suddenly hear voices, it was his. He could
hear the voices as he and Lindsey had argued, he heard Dave scream at
Lindsey to run, he heard the gunshot. The voices were suddenly everywhere
deafening him, he dropped to his knees in the middle of the room his face
buried in his hands. He wasn't crying, but shaking, trying to block out
the voices, they were getting louder, it was almost unbearable.
“ Callum?” the voice stood out from the others “ Callum?”
this time it was distinct, it was Lindsey’s “ Are you alright?”
he felt a hand on his shoulder and spun, he saw her, Lindsey. It hadn't
been one of the voices from the past, she was really there.
He rose quickly to face her. She smiled at him warmly, he smiled back.
He seemed nervous.
“ Why are you here?” he asked curiously, Sam couldn't have
told her where to find him, no one for that matter knew he was there.
“ Memories” she answered quietly looking round the room “
Can you hear it?” she asked suddenly “The arguing voices, the
screams,....the gunshot?” she looked at him her eyes were full.
“ Yes, I can, I used to hear it everytime I went to sleep until......”
he looked at her, he didn't bother finishing, he knew that they both knew
what he was going to say.
“ I keep replaying that night in my mind Callum, trying to figure
out where it went wrong, I almost said yes to you” she leaned, half
sitting on the edge of the desk.
“ Only for my money though” he replied turning to face her.
“ Do you think thats why I slept with you in Portugal?”
“ No, if it had been you wouldn’t have ran away from me”
“ I didn't run away” Lindsey suddenly snapped.
“ Then what did you do?” Callum snapped back.
“ I did the sensible thing, I walked away” she rose from where
she was perched on the desk. Callum grew where he stood, ready for an
argument.
“ Oh the sensible thing, right, walk away and no one gets hurt
right!?”
“ I didn't say that it wouldn't hurt! We both knew either way someone
would get hurt” she moved closer to him.
“ Oh and who would've gotten hurt if you'd stopped with me, Shelley?”
there was sarcasm in Callum’s voice now.
“ No” Lindsey sighed looking away from his penetrating stare,
she was afraid he would see what she was thinking, she was afraid that
he would see how much she wanted him to hold her again, she was afraid
he would see how much she wanted him to make love to her again.
“ Then who would've been hurt Lindsey? You?” Lindsey glanced
up, Callum’s stare was even more penetrating than before. She didn't
look away in time, he saw it, he saw it in that second in her eyes, she
wanted him. He moved closer, Lindsey drew a deep breath. The nearness
of him was suddenly driving her wild. She knew she had to get away from
this, she knew that she couldn't let this happen. Callum took her face
in his hands, gently brushing her hair back.
“ Have you noticed something Callum?” she asked, he looked at
her, she was smiling.
“ What?”
“ We're standing in the same place that we were when you kissed me
after you proposed” Callum looked round and realized that she was
right. A grin spread across his face as he realized. He turned and looked
at her, he knew that part of her didn't want to do this, and he knew that
it was only because she wouldn't be able to let him go back to Portugal,
just like he wouldn't be able to go back if she wouldn't leave with him.
“ You know we can't do this Callum” he nodded and sighed.
“ But a goodbye kiss wouldn't kill would it?” she shook her
head.
“ No it wouldn't” she moved towards him her lips finding his.
Jackie stood at the entrance to the fire escape which Lindsey had
ran down so many months ago. She could see and hear everything and she
suddenly found herself no longer angry about her daughters' actions.
The kiss was warm and full of the passion that they had been able to release
only once and it had built up since, but both knew they couldn't risk
letting it pour forth like they had that night in Portugal because neither
would be able to live with the consequences. Lindsey held Callum tightly
as he pulled her to him. The kiss was incredibly gentle and tender, neither
wanted it to end, but both knew it had to. Callum though did not have
the strength and Lindsey knew it would be left to her, but she didn't
want to. She decided to let it go on a little longer, but as she felt
herself begin to weaken to the overwhelming desire she gently pulled back
cupping his face in her hands. She wanted to say it, she wanted to let
him know that it wasn't one-sided. The tears began to fill her eyes.
Jackie stood at the fire escape muttering to herself.
“ Go on tell him, say it” she suddenly found herself wanting
Lindsey to be with this vicious man who so clearly loved her. “ Go
on, say it” she urged.
Callum brushed a tear away from her face with his warm hand. Lindsey seized
his hand holding it tightly as her other hand still rested on his cheek.
“ I'm sorry Callum” she whispered kissing his hand before running
out. Jackie quickly hid as Lindsey ran from the building. When she emerged
she was shocked at the sight before her. Callum was again on his knees
devastated by yet another blow to his hopes. Jackie came forward slightly
in two minds about whether to approach this man or not. She had saw how
happy Lindsey had appeared to be in his arms, and she had no doubt left
in her mind about whether or not he loved Lindsey. She sighed, there was
nothing to lose.
Continued Next week.......
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